Square One Half
by RaMa
Summary: Freshly cursed and burdened with memories of a future that will never come to pass if he can help it, Ranma Saotome tries to do the right thing. There will be no engagement with the Tendos. Ranma's mother will not have to wait years to meet him. And his family will be avenged. Before they have a chance to get hurt any further. That is, as long as Akane doesn't get in his way...
1. Here's Ranma Again

**!WARNING!**

**There might be dragons!**

Something of a foreword.

* * *

This story was written by an old fart (50+) that has an odd sense of humour and very clearly defined preferences. So you should expect jokes past their expiry date, adamant RxA support and sex and bloodshed in general. Plus OOC-ness at the very core of this story.

While I slapped a T-rating on this story the content will dip a toe or two into the murky waters of the M-rated swamp, especially once the bloody path that lead up to recent occurences is unveiled. Bear that in mind before taking a sip of this special brew. The finish kicks you rather nasty.

I'm writing this just in case that someone in the audience actually happens to be allergic to at least one of these ingredients. If that should be the case then I cordially advise you to skip this story. Continuing past these few awkward lines would prove to be a terrible waste of your time.

Everyone else please continue and enjoy the ride.

And just so you know, this story is already finished as of chapter eleven and currently undergoing revision. So, no waiting sixteen years for the last few chapters. (cough)

Dedicated to: Every single one of you guys and girls and people of multiple possibilities that still appreciate an old love in this melting pot of couple fads. And also to Kirsten, my girlfriend for the last 25 years.

Disclaimer: Maybe you have already guessed it. Or maybe you didn't. But I'm not Rumiko Takahashi. So neither is Ranma ½ my property nor am I able to live off my creativity. No money here! Lawyers begone!

And now on with the story.

This way please ...

* * *

**Square 1/2**

Chapter 1 : "Here's Ranma. Again."

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

* * *

...

The plane touched down around midnight at Haneda International Airport. Like all international flights it had to come in during the dark hours when the inland traffic had come to a rest. That suited one of the passengers quite fine. Considering he was on no official list and in deep trouble if he got caught emigrating from mainland China this way.

Around him the ground crew began to unload that Cargo plane from Chengdu in the usual busy fashion, one cup of coffee at a time. He found his way around and through them undetected. Long years of travelling more cheaply than legal came in handy after all. Still, he couldn't help but pat his own back for a plan well executed.

His pursuer probably took the same route back that had brought him to China in the first place. That meant travelling by boat which on the other hand gave the guy sneaking around the airfield a head start of two week as a minimum. Maybe more considering thatother idiot's penchant to get into trouble if left unattended.

Oh well, it probably ran in the family the shadowy figure admitted to himself as he slipped into a save spot and started to work the chinks out of his neck. Once he had stretched and massaged his strained limbs sufficiently, he scanned the surrounding area for possible witnesses. When none were present he dashed for a Hangar in the vicinity.

He had a general idea how to get out of the freight area and into the passenger terminal. Once done he could simply hop onto the monorail train connecting the airport to Tokyo city and from there it it was a pretty straight shot to Nerima. And to the answer to his most pressing question.

'Am I mad? Am I cursed? Or both?'

A sudden spell of rain did him the favour of answering question number two in exactly the same way it had been answered every time the guy had been hit with water lately. And it was surprising how many times you could gethit with accidental spills of water. Sudden rainfalls. Exploding water mains. The whole shebang.

Well, maybe the guy got hit by it, but as so often in human history, the girl had to live with the mess.

So the girl in the slightly too wide clothes adjusted her backpack and looked up at the clouded sky. Shaking her red mane to clear her vision she took the sudden change in stride. Her only notable reaction a chuckle and a murmured "Welcome back to Japan Ranma."

Then she was off towards her destination.

…

It was a nice enough morning in Nerima. The rain of the night had drifted off to bugger someone else and the sun greeted the early birds with a cloudless sky. The temperature was nice and warm but neither too hot nor too humid. All in all it was a beautiful day in late April.

A lone girl came jogging down the street, returning from her usual route. She was dressed in a sweatshirt and pants combo, her long black hair flowing behind her as she picked up speed for a last dash.

As she rounded the final corner on her way back home the girl reigned in her speed and came to a trotting halt. It wasn't just because she had reached her destination. It was also because next to the gate leading to the proper of the Tendo dojo there leaned a young man, his unruly mane of black hair hardly controlled by a pigtail in the back. His lean, well-muscled body dressed in exotic looking clothing of Chinese design. Idly playing with a half-litre bottle of water as he obviously waited for something or someone.

'Wait, wait, wait,' the girl thought, shaking her head as she took note that a seldom used mechanic in her adolescent brain had just tried to come awake in a stuttering fashion. 'Lean and well muscled? Down girl, down. You sound like Nabiki.'

"Hello? Can I help you?" she asked instead of further continuing down THAT mental road. This made the stranger turn to face her and all of a sudden the girl wasn't so sure who needed help from who. Not that the guy had a face so gorgeous that it made her go weak in the knees. Honestly, he wasn't THAT good looking. Barely above average, honest. Okay, maybe a bit more.

Furthermore she was a Tendo. That name stood for something in this part of the world. Like respectability and dignity. A proud but heavy heritage sometimes.

And this stranger was just some random boy with a weird taste in clothing to boot. So any wobbly-ness concerning her knees had to be a sign of exhaustion due to her prior activities. Period. And anyway, what was the question again..?

Oh yes, she had asked him if he needed help. And honestly, at first glance he probably needed some. Professional help that is. Maybe some medicine too.

If it was humanly possible to show a hundred expressions in less than a minute that guy did it as soon as he laid eyes on her. She could have sworn she saw about everything from anger to timidity, from disbelieve to trusting, from hate to, well, the other extreme. Finally, like a slot machine with the symbols falling into place, he settled his features on a kind of hopeful elation.

After the dizzying staccato of expressions prior and under the scrutiny of his baby blue eyes she maybe, just maybe, allowed herself to be affected by the smile that followed. A little bit.

"So at least I'm not mad." he said completely out of context. His right hand came up and the girl took a step back. It wasn't an aggressive move but she wasn't used to having strangers intrude in her personal space. Letting them touch her face was completely out of the question. The guy seemed as surprised by his action as she was.

"Okay, so maybe I'm a little mad," he admitted, retrieving the offending limb and using it to scratch the back of his head instead. "Sorry 'bout that."

Suddenly the girl felt the slightest hint of a deja vu nagging at her consciousness. Cocking her head to the side and frowning just the slightest bit she couldn't help to ask.

"Do I know you?"

"No," came his quick and simple answer, "not yet. Pretty sure on that part."

Then he slapped his head as if remembering some embarrassing.

"Idiot! Concentrate! Manners!" he rambled before snapping to attention and giving a slight bow to the girl. "Nice to meet you. I'm Ranma. I've come to challenge ... err…" His eyes fell on the bottle of water in his hands and he obviously tried to do a U-turn on that sentence. "Err.. to tell you that there's a challenger waiting in the dojo. For your father. Well, for the head of the dojo anyway."

The performance obviously fell short of invoking a sense of urgency in the girl as she stared at him blankly.

"Well I'm Akane. TENDO Akane," She declared with pride, "and I will happily accept each and every challenge that concerns our family's dojo!"

"Ach!" she heard that Ranma guy sigh theatrically with slumped shoulders and bowed head, "I was afraid ya'd say that."

…

Akane lead the visitor through the yard and to where the dojo proudly greeted the rising sun.

This was her domain.

Her home within her home.

The dojo stood for the heritage that lay behind her and the future she wanted to build. She loved the smell of the aged wood and the oil used for its care. The feel of the tatami mats under her feet. The ideals that lay at its very foundation.

Strength.

Integrity.

Pride.

And compassion for those weaker than oneself.

A cynic might note at this point that Akane definitely had to be self-taught. Clearly, the spirit of the Anything Goes School had yet to taint her.

As Akane reached the doors leading inside she slid them open, gesturing for Ranma to enter.

"If it's alright with you I'd like to change into my gi first," she said, looking at him for conformation. He blinked his eyes in incomprehension, the idea of delaying a fight for a change of clothes alien to him even though he was aware of such customs. Live on the road didn't leave much room for that kind of habit. Then again, her reaction was to be expected and he knew it.

"Go ahead," he conceded with a shrug of his shoulders. "I'll just head inside and get myself ready too."

Tossing the bottle of water from hand to hand Ranma watched as the girl retreated into the main building. Once she was out of sight and he had removed his shoes, placing them by the door, Ranma stepped inside the dojo.

A flood of memories washing over him as if they were his own. Which they probably were.

Home sweet home and all that.

…

Speeding through the house Akane wasn't sure if she should be giddy or anxious. Essentially she was both. Finally someone of her age to fight that neither asked for a date nor spouted poetry. That was a plus. A big one by her book.

Then again he had come to challenge the dojo. And while Akane had no intention to loose and quite frankly couldn't even imagine anything but an absolute victory, she still knew that theoretically there was a possibility of her loosing. Imagine that, her loosing and the dojo...

Nope, not possible.

The dojo, her dojo, falling was impossible.

Therefore it was impossible for her to loose.

Therefore she would wipe the floor with the challenger.

Therefore feeling giddy was the right choice.

Quod erat demonstrandum, you know?

…

Kasumi had seen her little sister passing her by as she went into the yard to hang the laundry. It was unusual to see her so deep in thought that she forgot to greet upon entering the house. Now, merely a minute or two later the girl was back, a yellow, gi clad flash en route to the dojo.

Well, that was Akane's usual routine. Jogging first, death of bricks later. So far, so customary.

The wild grin on her face was unusual though. Either those were some bricks to really look forward to or something was up.

Contrary to popular believe Kasumi Tendo was not actually an airhead. She saw things and she understood things. Only the conclusions she drew from all that were sometimes screwed on backwards.

"Don't break too many bricks Akane," she called after her sister. "We won't get a new delivery until next week. Make your stock last."

"Awww, the bricks are safe Kasumi," Akane called back over her shoulder, not breaking her stride. "Got me a dojo destroyer to beat up!"

Ah, that explained the grin. A fight against a fellow martial artist. Kasumi wondered if she should bring some refreshments over once the wet clothes had been hanged.

And maybe a first aid kit.

Whoever was stupid enough to challenge her little sister was in for a surprise. She was a sweet girl, honestly, but she also was a violent maniac.

Oh well, maybe Kasumi should call her father too, to make sure that someone was there to intervene if Akane went overboard.

It wasn't without precedent after all.

…

As Akane entered the dojo she found Ranma sitting in seiza in front of the small shrine in the back of the room. The bottle of water he had carried stood placed before it like an offering.

"You're fast," she heard him say as he stood up in one fluid motion. "Starving for some action?"

That much was obvious if you only took one look at her face but Akane was rather loath to admit to any kind of deficit in her practice. Like lack of any kind of real life fighting experience that went past the Hentai Horde (TM) at school.

"You wish," she quipped, wiping the broad grin of her face and trying for a look of solemn confidence. Falling into a textbook stance for the Young Karate Warrior (also a TM and something she read a few years past and adopted thus far) Akane motioned for Ranma to fall into an appropriate stance facing her.

When all he did was stand there with his arm behind his back and a calculating look on his face Akane felt a vein on her forehead start to throb.

"Well, let's get going," she heard him say as if ignoring the use of your arms equalled the most usual tactic in a duel.

"Whats with your stance?" Akane asked, a slight note of anger mixing into her voice. "Trying to give me a handicap?"

"Why? Do ya want me to?" he quipped back, cocking his head sideways in a show of interest. "If ya don't show me something good I might be forced ta..."

It didn't take much more to spur Akane into action. She leapt forward in a flurry of kicks and strikes, impressing the hell out of the air she moved. Less so of her opponent as he chose to just not be where she aimed for. But he was quickly running out of room to lean and duck back from her as she almost had him in a corner.

Huffing and puffing from the exertion she summoned her reserves now that she had her prey trapped. Drawing back her arm she released a strike that she knew could pulverise half a dozen bricks at once.

Overkill? Maybe so but he HAD asked for something good and she was getting dizzy from just watching him move like that.

Just as her fist shot forward like a comet set on annihilating the dinosaurs her intended target for extinction abused the fact that she had to lean her shoulder forward with the punch. One shoulder forward means the other shoulder goes backwards and so Ranma did the unthinkable. He pushed his chest against hers, letting the force of her attack carry her past him while tripping her with a well-placed foot.

As she fell to the ground Akane was in a state of utter confusion. Part because of the fact that she was so effortlessly brought to her knees. Part because she felt strange in the places that Ranma had brushed past. Part because of a burning feeling on her cheek.

Had he just... kissed her?

…

Soun Tendo was a man of many vices.

He had a habit of gambling, sometimes betting more than he could afford.

He also had a habit of drinking that had placed him in many a strange and awkward situation and for making stupid promises whether or not he was intoxicated. Especially if those promises meant that he'd get out of a tight spot.

But he also had some things to be proud about. One was the fact that he once had actually found love despite all his shortcomings. That love had graced him with his wonderful daughters. And he couldn't be any more proud of them.

And he also prided himself with the fact that he had gotten away with his "Honourable Martial-Artist"-act for so long that he had partially started to believe in it himself.

He had gotten so good at it that his youngest daughter Akane had grown up with the strong determination to follow in her father's imaginary footsteps. The only problem was that the techniques he dared to teach her were not all that powerful while those he could have taught her would have clearly given him away as someone not all that venerable.

It didn't matter though, Soun convinced himself. Akane was steadily gaining strength on her own, never losing her drive. So if one day a certain fiancée showed up, it should be easy to get her to agree to the engagement. Sharing the same interest and all that. What did it matter that she didn't know many techniques? And couldn't cook. And was a little temperamental.

Ah, let's worry about that once the boy showed up.

This was one thing Soun Tendo was also very good at. Leaving problems for later and hoping that they got sorted out by someone else.

…

Preferring to stay safe rather than sorry Kasumi Tendo had stirred her dear father from his habitual perusal of the newspaper. He had at first doubted that his presence was needed over at the dojo. For if anything happened out there he would still be over fast enough to call an ambulance for their visitor.

But Kasumi insisted that he headed over, claiming that the master of the school had to oversee all the challenges and insured fair and orderly proceedings. Obviously not only Akane had grown up untainted by the true nature of the Anything Goes School of martial arts.

When Soun Tendo arrived at the doors to the training hall he found his way blocked by his middle daughter. She was cussing something awful as she tried to get her camera to take even one good shot of the show taking place inside.

"...can't they just stand still for one &§ #:'*% second?" Nabiki hissed as she changed the shutter speed settings for the hundredth time. The girl knew that one good shot of Akane in her current state of dishevelment would earn a very high price from the likes of Kuno and the other fanboys.

Her face was tinged red and practically glowing. Her gi top had started to come undone and the spreading lapels nicely accentuated her developing chest. Her mouth was slightly opened as her nose alone did not longer provide the body with enough air.

Damn, that girl could be sexy at times.

If only Nabiki could get her to stop and pose for a second.

And that boy she was facing.

Not a drop of sweat on his face even though he drove her sister nearly to exhaustion. The worst was that he commented Akanes moves, pointing out errors in the placement of her feet or when she exposed herself while trying to get in a lucky shot.

Sometimes he proved his point by tripping her or pushing into her personal space. Or both.

Every time he did one of these things Akane blew another fuse and her breathing got more laboured, the tinge on her cheeks got darker. And then she'd launch another round of assaults with renewed vigour. With the same results. Again and again.

'Can't call the girl a pushover,' Nabiki thought with a bit of pride. After all, most people she knew would have learned their lesson by now. And the obvious lesson was that the stranger in the dojo was leagues ahead of Akane when it came to the art.

"Seen anything you like?" Soun Tendo asked, startling Nabiki and almost making her drop the camera.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed, turning to glare at her sire. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I'm sorry dear," Soun replied, raising a hand in a placating gesture. "But lately I don't have that many chances to get the drop on you. So please overlook this old man's folly."

"Folly my ass," he heard his daughter grumble as she decided that what went on inside of the dojo was more interesting than chewing out said old man. "You better get in there before things get out of hand."

"How so?" Sound replied trying not to sound alarmed. "Did my little girl go overboard again?"

"Oh she probably would," Nabiki quipped back as she snapped another photo. "Only that guy doesn't seem inclined to let her..."

…

"Ya fine down there?"

The question sounded good natured enough and as a matter of fact Akane was once again lying on her back. Facts and tone aside it still pissed her off to no end and she shot to her feet ignoring all the little pains and aches of her body.

"I'm fine," she huffed, sounding more breathless than she'd like. Wiping her forehead with the gi clad arm, Akane used the moment to catch her breath without looking too much like doing so. At least her opponent didn't press his advantage. Instead he returned to a ready position in the middle of the room. He didn't say anything, just standing there with his head to the side and the arms on the back as if the last hour hadn't happened.

No sweat. No hard breathing. Totally relaxed.

Akane decided there and then that she hated that guy.

A lot.

At least she was sure that the turmoil in her head and in her heart had to be hate. Mostly hate, anyway. What were the alternatives if it wasn't? Unthinkable, right?

"Just wait," she told him with growing confidence in complete ignorance of the latest results. "I'm gonna hand your ass to you yet!"

"Oh my, Akane!" came the voice of the oldest daughter of the house from where she served refreshments to the other members of the family. "What language!"

Akane did an almost instantaneous 180 turn at the unexpected exclamation and for the first time noticed the rest of her family sitting in attendance. Now that could have been a great lesson in keeping an eye on her surroundings during a fight. Or she could get mad for no apparent reason. Tough choice there.

"What are you guys doing in here?!" she shouted, her challenger all but forgotten. A stupid thing to do in any kind of fight.

Suddenly she felt an arm snake around her midst and before she understood what happened the top of her gi fell open as the belt had been removed. Even as her brain began to process that information she felt her arms being pulled back and up by means of her loosened clothing.

In retaliation and to free her arms Akane leaned forward, aiming a kick back at her attacker while she was at it. Instead of connecting though she felt her missing belt loop around the ankle of her leg and her arms simply refused to slide out of her suddenly all too narrow jacket.

"What are you doing?" she screamed, a hint of actual alarm sneaking into her voice.

"Anything Goes School of martial arts. Name ring a bell..?" came the prompt reply from next to her ear. Way too close for her comfort.

"That's not part of the Anything Goes School you... Pervert!" This time more in a screeching voice.

"You wish," she heard Ranma comment next to her ear. And had she not been close to exploding she might have noticed the hint of remorse in his voice.

Suddenly her body was jerked backwards and to her consternation she realized that her leg was still bound by her belt, but so were her arms. Actually the only free limb was the leg she was standing on.

Unacceptable!

In desperation she tried to cave in his nose with the back of her head but the guy eluded her once more. He shifted his position to her other side, leaning his head against the side of her face in a way too intimate gesture and factually robbing her of any leverage. One of his arms snaked over her shoulder and across her chest, the other one went around her side and held her secure. One leg was placed in a way that made obvious he could topple her at the slightest provocation. Not that this could make her situation any worse.

"Let! Me! Go!" Akane grumbled through clenched teeth, trying hard not to resort to biting his ear. Because that would be beneath a true martial artist. And because she had a nagging suspicion that this weird guy might actually like stuff like that. Pervert! Honestly!

"Gimme a moment, okay?" she heard him reply. And for some weird reason she considered doing just that.

Maybe because it was the quiet, resolute tone of his voice. Like a man on a mission that only did what he set out to do.

Maybe it was the way he looked at her. For some strange reason she was convinced that whatever he planned way beyond those blue eyes, molesting her was not on the top of his list.

Suddenly she realized that maybe, just maybe, he didn't even consider her molestable material in the first place. For some strange reason she didn't like that idea either.

…

Soun Tendo had jumped up the very moment that his daughter found herself at the business end of her own gi. Seeing that she was being controlled but not in any danger he relaxed again.

To tell the truth he was somewhat elated that his hand wasn't forced because he was not completely sure that this boy could be handled easily.

Maybe if Soun himself was a couple years younger and in better form. But these days he had refrained from training too much and most of the tricks he still had up his sleeve he'd rather not show in front of his daughters. So maybe de-escalation was in order.

"Very well fought," he addressed the couple in the middle of the room. Looking every inch the picture of a sensei, wearing his dark kimono, the straight black hair and his distinguished features behind a proud moustache. If he'd held a fan with the rising sun printed on and majestically crashing waves at his back he couldn't pose more of a picture. Well, maybe sitting on a rearing horse. But you hardly get those in a dojo.

"I didn't even get warmed up," the stranger holding Soun's daughter assured him.

"What you mean by you didn't get warmed up?" Akane quipped, her sense of self easily blocking out facts and the obvious in general.

"All I'm saying is that I can do better," he replied unimpressed by her irritation. "Can you?"

"I'll show you what I can do," his captive exclaimed, starting her struggle for freedom anew. "Just release me already."

"Maybe later," was all she got out of Ranma before he gripped her tighter, restricting what little room to wriggle she had left.

Then his attention wandered back to her father.

"Nice setup ya've got here Mr. Tendo," he said in a conversational tone. "This place was your wives (*) dowry I recon?"

"Actually, it was," Soun Tendo admitted, a slight frown creasing his features. What a strange way to start a conversation. "My wife's family had been martial artists for generations. Sadly they had turned away from that tradition. Only my darling was still determined to keep that art alive. That was one of the reasons that parents were more than happy to accept me into the family due to my training."

"Yeah, bet they did," the guy behind his daughter snorted. "An' I bet they knew who exactly ya master was, right? I mean, judging by the fact that he had quite the reputation in certain circles..."

"My master?" Soun asked innocently, a huge drop of sweat forming on his forehead. "What has my old master to do with anything?"

"What has his old master to do with anything?" Akane echoed from the side-lines.

"You'll know when you meet him," Ranma assured her, his facial expression making evident that he didn't expect her to enjoy that experience.

"What do you mean 'When she'll meet him'?" Soun inquired, his nervousness getting more pronounced. "The master is dead! He died many years ago!"

"Dead? Seriously? Ya didn't even check if he was dead under that big lump of rock!" he got snapped at right back. "Ya wanna make sure that someone like Happosai dies, you cut out his heart. If he's even got one. Anything less is gonna delay him at best. YOU of all people should know that."

"Ridiculous! Ridiculous!" the oh-so honourable master of the house practically screeched. "He's dead! Dead, dead, DEAD!"

"What's gotten into him?" Akane asked in wonder, the general ruckus diverting her from her current predicament.

"Happosai got that effect on people. I'd wish ya'd never have to find out ya'self, but…" She felt her captors shrug more than she saw it. The sudden friction not altogether unpleasant. Not that she'd admit to that. Like ever.

"Ya think he's ever gonna stop that little dance?" she heard from next to her ear.

"If he's like that it might take a while," Akane replied, speaking from experience. "You don't think you could release me? The leg is getting kinda stiff."

"Sorry, not yet," came his expected reply. Ranma sounded sincere about being sorry though. "But I promise I gonna make this quick."

"Yo, Mr. Tendo!" he called out to the man that seemed lost in his own little world. "Wanna make a deal?"

"A deal?" Soun asked, his head snapping up. "What kind of deal are you talking about?"

"The same deal you always make." The boy explained coolly. "One favour for one girl."

"WHAAAAT?!"

The combined outcry from all three sisters made the dojo's roof rattle.

And one of them renewed her struggles to break free.

"What?!" came the suspiciously inconspicuous outcry of the dojo's master. "Whatever may you be talking about?"

"I'm talking about the deals you got with the Saotomes and the Chardins," Ranma explained slowly as if talking to a child. "By my count that leaves ya with one daughter extra. I help ya get rid of the pervy dwarf and I get one of them for a wife. Sounds about right, right?"

"What?!" the three sisters cried out in unison, no longer sure which male to roast first. "What deals? What Saotomes? Chardin? Doesn't that sound french? Wife? As in marriage?"

"Of course as in marriage," Ranma agreed from behind Akane. "How else do you get your hands on some prime property in Tokyo? I'm not even choosy. Gimme the one that's left over once you're done with the rest of your deals. I'll make do."

"You'll make what?" Akane screamed, suddenly more than uncomfortable in his embrace. But try as she might, he held her in an iron grip. Biting his ear off suddenly sounded like a much better idea.

"Does that mean we're already engaged to 2 different families?" Nabiki added from across the room. "You gotta be kidding me!"

"Oh my!" Kasumi agreed forcefully from right next to her.

"You don't understand girls," Soun wailed after becoming the unexpected centre of attention. "It is a matter of honour!"

"Actually, in case of the Chardins it was only a matter of getting out of a dinner bill," Ranma remarked while struggling with keeping the girl in his arms under control.

"A dinner bill?!" the girls cried out in chorus again.

Soun, now under the full brunt of their confused scrutiny was close to panic mode. Mentally he tried to figure out if he could get away with playing the head of the house or if he might have more success with begging for mercy from his girls.

Judging Soun to be at the edge of a breakdown Ranma figured that now or never was the time for the coup de grace.

"So Mr. Tendo, which one's gonna be mine? The housewife? The photograher? Or the little wildcat?" To make a point he changed his grip on Akane. One hand gliding a little higher towards the girl's breasts and the other hand gliding a little lower towards unexplored territory.

The general effect was that the girl in his grip started to buck like the wildcat he had called her. But only after making a sound that could have easily doubled as a moan.

That triggered something in Soun Tendo that hardly found any use. Something like a backbone. Preposterous, truly, but that's what panic can do to people.

"No! Not one of my daughters will I leave to the likes of you! And now unhand my little girl or the gods help me, I'm going to rip you limb from limb!"

His demonhead impression came up in all of its scary glory and for once his daughters were almost impressed by their old man. That would not prevent them from grilling him later on, but for now he had their goodwill.

"So you're not gonna let me marry any of ya daughters?" Ranma asked again, just to be on the safe side.

"No, no and no! I will NOT let you marry any of my daughters!" Soun Tendo exclaimed furiously, now on a roll. "You shall never lay your hands on my girls again! You will not speak to them! And the next time you set foot on my property I'll make sure that you'll wish you had never been born!"

Ranma looked at him squarely, hardly impressed by the ki the older man flaunted, nor by his threats.

But he loosened his grip on Akane, unbinding her arms and leg. He kept his arms loosely around her for support as he did so, helping her down to a sitting position where she could massage blood back into her leg. The glares she send towards him he took in stride, smiling at her ruefully.

"Sorry for that little number just now," he whispered low enough so only she could hear it. "If it's any help, I wouldn't be interested in any of ya sisters anyway." The way he intoned that remark hinted at the possibility that yes, there actually might be one Tendo girl that might have caught his fancy.

"What do I care in who you are interested in," Akane shot back in the same low voice. But still her expression softened, if only a little bit.

Getting back up Ranma turned towards the still agitated head of the household.

"Well, since it's kinda obvious that I overstayed my welcome, I better take my leave. Here Mr. Tendo," he said as he held out a postcard, "I'm sure my old man wanted to send this ya way. But since I'm already in the neighbourhood..."

Turning towards the remaining girls he snapped off a salute.

"Ladies," he said, a roguish grin on his lips and a quick bow, "good luck with the Chardins,"

With that he turned towards the door and walked away, out of the dojo and out of an engagement he had just successfully crashed and burned before it ever had a chance to lift off.

(* This is not a typo. It's a hint.)

…

A little later that day and a little more to the north-west of Nerima a rather attractive woman in what might be her late thirties (*) was minding her own business in her small but well-kept house when she heard something inexplicable.

From the front porch the voice of a young man called "Tadeima!" loud and clear.

Now it wasn't as if this Lady had no young man in her family. To tell the truth, she had a son of about 16 years of age, and had he been living with her that greeting would probably count as the most natural sound in the world. But there lies the problem.

The woman living in this picturesque house (**) was no other than Nodoka Saotome and her only son, one Ranma Saotome, had not been home for over 10 years.

So in the improbable case that this boy she, in her folly and blind faith, had allowed her husband Genma to take with him on an open ended training trip, should return home, what were the chances that he acted as if he never had left in the first place? (***)

"Hey mom," Ranma greeted his dumbfounded mother as he strolled into the living room and unceremoniously dumped his backpack onto the ground, "what's for lunch? I'm starving!"

As it turned out, those chances were pretty good actually.

(*- Important lesson about middle-aged women. They are always in their late thirties. Insinuate otherwise at your own risk.)

(**- Picturesque is french for 'Looks pretty but you surely don't wanna spend the night there'. Usually describes brightly painted houses with the loo behind the barn.)

(***- I fully expect people to read this sentence up to 4 times until they get the whole thing stomached.)

…

Back in the Tendo residence lunch had to wait. Or maybe it would be correct to say that lunch had turned into a barbecue. And the one being grilled was none other than the head of the household, Soun Tendo himself.

The man had a lot of explaining to do. About the engagement to the Saotomes and the Chardins for example. Try as he might, his daughters had a problem seeing eye to eye with him.

The fact that he had promised two of them to various parties was bad enough.

The fact that it took one of the involved parties to show up and blow the gig sky-high was what broke Soun's neck.

Up to this morning things like arranged marriages were a thing out of a history drama. Now suddenly the majority of the daughters were supposed to be spoken for without a say in that matter. One of them basically to balance a cheque.

Admittedly, after Ranma's little performance and the analysis of a certain postcard it was obvious that only the Chardins were left on the to-do list. Soun had denounced him loudly enough in front of his daughters. Going back on his word and then demanding honour from the other party might prove tricky.

But the very fact that their father had sold them off on multiple occasions could and would not be disregarded easily. What else had he conveniently forgotten to tell them?

And while they were on a roll, who exactly was this Happosai character?

…

Imagine a statue from ancient Greece. Maybe better even, from Italy during the Renaissance, when masters like Michelangelo and Donatello elevated sculpting to new heights.

Hewn from the whitest marble, a face featuring surprise and disbelieving joy amongst the finely chiselled features of pure beauty. The body, perfectly proportioned, as far as a kimono can betray the wearers figure.

Imagine that statue frozen in a motion between reaching out towards an unseen goal and covering her mouth in a helpless gesture, trying to stem a tide of raging emotions that was bound to break loose. The artist, if there had been one, probably would have laid down his tools forever after capturing this perfect moment in his most immaculate piece of art.

That was how Nodoka faced her son for the first time after more than ten years had passed. As if she herself had been frozen in time. Shocked by the knowledge that this young man who stood before her and the little shrimp that had run circles around her in his constantly dirty dogi all those years ago were one and the same.

It was a brutal revelation, hitting her like a ton of bricks, that this was what she had missed. What she had agreed to miss. The whole growth from sapling to tree. It had happened without her.

And now?

That young man standing in front of her, what did he know? What did he feel? He had called her 'mom' like it came natural to him, but was this to him anything more than a title? Certainly, everyone had a mother, one way or the other. But after not having met her personally on the long road from year 5 to 16, how could the word mother be more than a label?

„Earth to Nodoka, earth to Nodoka," she heard the boy's voice right in front of her. Focusing her gaze on him for the first time in what felt like eternity she noted a hint of worry behind his still prominent smile.

And what a fetching smile it was.

What a fetching young man he had become.

„Ya good mom?" that same young man asked tentatively as he reached out to gently stroke her cheek with the back of his fingers. I was a gesture innocent enough but still so intimate that whatever had held her in stasis evaporated like ice-cream on a beach during summer.

„I missed you so much!" she more or less gargled as tears shot forth. Not on a Soun Tendo level but still enough to leave stains as she sank into her son's arms. Luckily not enough to trigger a certain curse.

In Ranma's opinion, one breakdown a day and per person was more than enough. Also, risking cardiac arrest on one of the few people he truly cared for was completely out of question.

Telling his mom about the curse had to wait. But not for too long. He knew what was at stake concerning an impressively stupid contract and he had no intention of letting the inevitable drag out. He had a pretty good idea how that would turn out and it was a road he'd rather not walk upon.

But cradling his mother in his arms Ranma decided to let curse be curse and seppuku be seppuku. For now he had come home. Well, as much home as he was ever going to get around these parts. That with him having burned the other option, namely the Tendos, for all practical purposes. And rather spectacular at that.

On the bright side, he had his mom right here. And his dad was probably still a long way off and everything else would fall into place as the pieces of the puzzle arrived one after the other.

Ranma would wait and prepare. Which mostly translated to training. Training and letting his mom get to know him again. And eat mom's cooking!

Yeah, he knew there had been good reasons to come back home aside from the mushy stuff!

…

It was about a week later, give or take a day. It was a nice enough morning at Furinkan High school. Complete with sunny weather, chirping birds and, in Akane's case, a not too offensive Hentai Horde (TM) that could be dealt with in a timely fashion.

It was only Kuno, blue thunder, bla bla bla, that almost made her late for class. She managed to KO him though, just in time to slip into class right before the gong sounded.

For once she was already seated when the homeroom teacher showed up. The man conducted a quick roll-call before announcing that as of today a new student would be joining them. As the class started to muse about the obvious things, like gender and attractiveness (*), Akane started to get a weird feeling in her tummy. Or someplace else down there anyway.

The feeling wasn't without cause seeing as the teacher motioned for the newcomer to step into the room and introduce himself to the class, none other than Ranma's face came into view. It even lit up in a smile as he saw Akane staring his way. The other girls in the class were pretty happy with this newcomer it seemed, if the sudden change in posture and occasional check in a compact was any indication.

"Hi, my name is Ranma Saotome," he said, his gaze held steady on Akane. "Nice to meet you!"

(*- Seriously, in a classroom full of kids in various states of puberty, the first question will never be 'Is he/she a nice person?' They're more interested in other nice things.)

…

End chapter 1


	2. Here's Ranko (Not)

**Square 1/2**

Chapter 2 : „Here's Ranko (Not)"

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

* * *

„Well Ranma," the teacher said to the new student, „why don't you tell the class a little about yourself?"

The guy in question shrugged and started to rummage in his bag. He was a good looking guy all in all. Maybe a little on the rugged side with his well-defined muscles and his shaggy hair with the pigtail in the back. But he had lively eyes of a deep blue and an easy smile that made him appear approachable. Some of the girls in class already started to strategize about how to put that part to the test.

As the guy straightened back up he held a bottle of water in his hands. Akane instantly recognised it as the same type of half-litre disposable container that he had left at the shrine in the dojo. She couldn't help but wonder if he was constantly thirsty or more of a clean-freak. Then again, in her experience most guys were too dirty for as little as a half-litre of water to even put a dent in the filth that clung to them.

"Where to start?" the newcomer wondered. He looked straight at Akane, a smile spreading over his features. "I like martial arts. Love 'em in fact. Good thing too 'cause my dad spent the last ten years beating them into me. I'm not bragging but since it didn't kill me it actually made me plenty strong."

Ranma flipped the bottle in hand, offering it to Akane bottom first.

"Would ya mind holding on to that for me?" he asked her nicely and out of reflex she grabbed the bottle. Her face though spoke of confusion and a bit of distrust. Then again, since there was a boy talking to her the class was hardly surprised.

"Well, my dad is good for two things," Ranma continued unperturbed. "Martial arts is one, the other one is getting us into all kinds of weird shit. By the way, anyone in here believe in curses..?"

He let his view wander across the students and wasn't too surprised when only one of the raised a hand.

"Gos (*) my man, you're gonna love this," he told the lonely hand, "Everyone else get ready for a bit of a shocker. Just one thing. Whatever ya think I look like, I'm still a guy. So keep ya hands to ya'self if ya wanna keep 'em."

He turned towards Akane, looking at her expectantly.

"Would ya mind splashing me with a bit of that water Ak... err… Tendo-San?" he asked, indicating the bottle she still held in an iron grip. Whether it was to comply with his wishes or because the repeated attention of a boy caused her to make a fist again, one of her less praiseworthy habits, the whole contents of the bottle splashed out in a volatile stream of highly compressed fluid. It hit Ranma squarely in the face. What followed after that looked like a CGI out of the latest James Cameron Blockbuster.

As the water connected with the guy's skin it was as if a ripple went straight through him. His body changed right before the eyes of the class. Flowing into another shape his stature and shoulders shrank while his hips and chest expanded. And just like cream poured into a hot cup of coffee the colour of his hair swirled and changed into a warm crimson colour.

When all was done a petite redhead stood in the same place that the new student had just occupied. With wet hair and a slightly wet top that clung to all the right places.

"Any questions so far?" the boy turned girl asked as if he had just demonstrated a science project.

Pandemonium ensued.

(*- Hikaru Gosunkugi, self trained specialist for the Japanese variant of Voodoo. Just in case the name didn't ring a bell.)

…

Akane Tendo wasn't necessarily an attention-hog. But stand in the limelight long enough and you get kind of used to it. And Akane had gotten enough limelight since she started high school that she could have gotten a tan from it. Not all of it because of Kuno and the Hentai-Horde ™. She simply was the kind of girl that drew in the observer's eye without ever trying. The fact that what the observer saw was kind on the aforementioned eye was helping too.

Right now though Akane could have given birth to Siamese twins in front of the entire class and no one would have noticed. It was the second time that Ranma Saotome pulled the rug from under her. Make that three rugs all in all.

Rug number one was the fact that the world didn't revolve around her. Not too much surprise there and after swallowing a bit of her pride it was all but forgotten.

Rug number two was the fact that magic actually existed. At least curses did. Ranma had been pretty convincing in his demonstration. Changing your gender at the drop of some water.

The horror!

The possibilities!

The Pervert!

Well, he insisted that at his core he stayed a guy, no matter what his form looked like at times. So he had to be a pervert somehow. Personal experience and all that jazz. The argumentation still needed some work but Akane was certain that somehow a proof of concept would be coming along soon.

So onwards towards the last rug under her feet.

It was an eerie, hard to grasp feeling.

Like looking at a dream from outside.

A dream that you haven't dreamed yet.

And still feel like it is a thing of the past.

A déjà vu gone horribly wrong, painted in the wrong colours and slapped over the here and now.

Like people performing on a stage while an old Super-8 flick was projected in overlay, showing the same actors but a different play.

Everything seemed out of sync and it gave her a headache trying to put a finger on what it should be synced to in the first place.

It felt... _wrong_.

It felt as if the fabric of reality had started ripping and all she could do was watch the hole widen around the irregularity that was called Ranma Saotome.

A hole that, if she wasn't cautious, Akane soon might be slipping into.

If she did, and of this she had no doubt after their ominous first meeting a week ago, she would be in way over her head.

So where did that urge come from? To cannonball straight in and blow caution to the wind.

…

Ranma's new homeroom teacher had little illusions as to getting any of today's lecture done.

On the day that guy, or girl, no wait, guy again, had turned up with his mother, the same demonstration had been given to the assembled teachers and they hadn't reacted all that differently from those adolescent kids.

Truth be told, these kids filing the classroom with cries, arguments and demands for an encore probably still dealt with the matter a lot better than their grown-up counterparts. Remembering how the Science teacher still went on and on about conversion of mass and the impossibility of the change after pouring the sixth cup of either hot or cold water had been bad enough. Having the PE teacher go on about shower incidents on one hand while already planning for a new star-player in both the male and female sport clubs was worse.

He had a point though because the new kid was freakishly strong as a member of the staff found first hand as he tried to take the then girl's ...errr... measurements. One cup of hot water later the offender and the new student had a talk 'mano a mano' in which said new guy made a very convincing argument as to why he should always be treated as a male. No matter how cold the shower. His mother had been strangely contend with that particular show of force.

The principal, from his summer residence in Hawaii, had send a note asking for the keikii to be shown the good ol' hospitality. This basically translated into Ranma Saotome to be left alone as far as he didn't go too much overboard. Given the Principal's ideas as to what was acceptable this meant the boy/girl had as much leeway as the Principal's own offspring Tatewaki. That made him pretty much untouchable for the teachers and led to another interesting question.

What kind of power did the Saotomes wield? Connections to the higher echelons of the Ministry of Education or dirt on the Kunos? Or something more sinister? They were dealing in what they called curses after all.

On the other hand, no one dared to hint at the possibility that the note might be a fake. It was delivered via coconut-mail after all. Through the window. To the head of the vice-principal. What more proof do you need as to its authenticity?

Talking about proof. For obvious reasons, such as them being enlightened people of high educational standards, none of the teachers had believed in curses at first. Shortly after a certain demonstration none of the teachers had _not_ found an excuse to run to a nearby shrine and buy some wards and related merchandise.

Compared to that a couple of hormone driven kids who's sense of wonder had already been blunted by way too many SFX in games and movies looked almost tame.

Still, the poor teacher noticed the signs of a major headache in the making. Declaring the class as self-study he simply stepped out, unnoticed, and headed for the school nurse. There he'd hopefully get some painkillers and a chance to lay down. He was in dire need of both.

…

When the chaos after Ranma's sensational magic trick finally subsided the whole thing evolved into something like a Q and A.

Basically Ranma got bombarded with questions and with some effort managed to sort out the more serious ones from those of a lecherous or insulting nature.

He told the class, in detail, how he got to China and how he got to suffer from that special affliction.

He explained how, while he indeed possessed a 100% female body while, well, being female, he still would NOT share the same monthly problems as he had no intention of staying female for a month to get them in the first place. No, not even as a science project, thank you.

He explained how indeed his male and female forms smelled and tasted things slightly differently. Meats and sweets were notably different. Not worse or anything, just different. Some drinks where more intense as a girl. Teas were most noticeable among those. Fruit tea a guy? Not interested. As a girl they were an option.

On the other hand, Hiroshi was never an option. Considerably less so as a girl, or so Ranma declared to the great mirth of the class. Well, minus a still shocked Akane who was past listening and a miffed guy whose constant lecherous comments had earned him that rebuke ten times over.

Then someone asked the most basic of questions and for once Ranma had no answer prepared.

"Why come out about your curse like that?" one girl who's name Ranma had yet to learn asked while tapping a pencil to her lips. "Wouldn't most people try to hide something of this sort? Maybe dress up in waterproof clothes or something like that?"

"Yeah well," the guy at the centre of everyone's attention muttered, absent minded tracing the inside of his left palm with the nail of his right thumb as he searched for the fitting words. "I kinda tried things like that before. But that always kinda blew up in my face. I don't really know how that works but it's like this stupid curse actually needs to be triggered every once in a while or things get funny. The harder I try, the funnier the results. And lately I'm kinda running out of laughs..."

Ranma raised his head, revealing a serious, haggard expression to the crowd that had been hidden by his unruly hair. The class fell completely silent, the background noises falling away as his eyes swept a cold, tired gaze over them. Then he looked at Akane and the faintest traces of a smile could be found on his lips.

"Besides, I promised my wife to be more honest...," he concluded as his gaze fell down to his palm again.

"Your WHAT?!" came the surprised cry as the crucial part of this comment settled into the minds of the assembled classmates and once again all hell broke loose.

And to her great surprise, Akane Tendo found that she had been among the loudest callers.

…

After the first two hours had been declared self-study, which had derailed into an intense case of Ranma-grilling, the following lessons consisted of English and Japanese Literature.

The teachers in session were adamant about the Saotome kid sitting in the farthest possible corner from everyone else, something that suited Ranma just fine.

He needed some quiet and he was positive that the coming hours and days would be just as strenuous on his vocal chords as they would be on his temper. But well, this was the path he had chosen and considering he was on the clock the direct approach seemed unavoidable.

'Change what ya can, accept what ya can't' Ranma remarked internally.

He whipped out his notebook and started scribbling. Ordering his thoughts onto paper had been new to him but his wife had been right about it. It did help sorting his priorities. Thinking about her his eyes sought out Akane's profile three rows forward and two to the left. He started making a second list. Once he was done he ripped the page out along the perforation line, folded it neatly twice and stood up.

The teacher saw him rise but remembering the principal's orders he refrained from noticing this as being unusual. Compared to Tatewaki Kuno's habitual exits from class this kid was rather discreet which helped a lot.

In turn the class noticed the teacher choosing _not_ to notice, and fully aware of who sat in the direction of his pointed ignorance, turned as one man to see Ranma place his folded note on Akane's desk. They saw him bow slightly as she looked on in surprise and they saw him return to his seat as if carrying notes across the classroom was the obvious thing to do.

Seconds later all hell broke loose for the third time today, only more subdued and in the form of pieces of paper thrown at Akane's desk.

…

As the lunch bell rang, Ranma was out of the window and up to the roof before anyone could turn on him. Thus the class had no target for their pestering and dispersed, carrying the news of the water-soluble freak to all four corners of the school.

The rumourmongers of Furinkan High had a field day, Nabiki Tendo at the front. She had no problems adding 2 and 2 when she heard the description of the new guy's looks. It was the same guy that had graced the dojo about a week ago with his sneaky act to get out of an engagement he didn't want.

Well, not that she or her sisters would have wanted to be engaged to a gender changing freak. Then again, being a renowned hater of boys, Akane might have considered it, Nabiki thought with a nasty snicker.

Still something didn't sit right with her. Why did that guy go to such lengths last week when he was already married as he claimed to his class this morning? That alone should have been enough to get their father off his case, shouldn't it?

Deep down Nabiki knew that this guy had an agenda beyond the obvious and dirt on her family that she didn't know about. This was proven by his insights into both pending engagements. The one he got out of and the one remaining. And by the effect the name 'Happosai' had on her father.

What else did that kid know? Information was power. Power to protect and power to kill. And judging by the reaction of her father both kinds of power would be needed once this old master showed up as Ranma had prophesized.

Now what Nabiki really needed was a good plan to bleed the kid dry of everything he knew.

Most people didn't realize it but when it came to her family she was every inch the warrior her sister was. Only the kicks and flips she used were of a different kind. They hurt the target just the same though.

…

While the whole school was getting crazy with rumours, Ranma was getting comfortable on the roof.

Here he'd have some privacy, at least he assumed as much, since the doors leading to the top of the western part of the building were usually locked. Few people in this school had the ability and nerves to come up here any other way. And of that elite few who did, none had a reason to bother with the climb today. Or so he figured.

He unpacked the handmade bento his mother had prepared for him. A smile crept on his face as he looked upon the various delicacies that had been prepared by a loving hand. Maybe a bit too loving considering the way the eggs and sausage had been arranged.

'_Mom's still got to rub in that manly business, huh?_' he mused, raising his chopsticks and taking a bite out of the Wiener.

"Now THAT is one disturbing picture," a voice called out from off to his right. Turning his head he saw Akane gliding over the railing, her own Bento in hand.

"Would it have helped if I turned into a girl first?" he quipped back, raising up another of those half-litre water bottles and shaking it for effect.

"Don't you dare," the girl shot back, her own involuntary shaking mirroring the bottle. She stepped up to him and without ceremony planted herself right by his side. Putting down her lunch she let out a heavy sigh, shaking her head in annoyance.

"Why am I even here?" she complained loudly.

"Ya asking me?" Ranma inquired, one eyebrow raised in surprise.

"Why am I not in some secluded corner," the girl continued unperturbed, ignoring his question, "plotting how to kill that pervert that manhandled and molested me _in my own dojo_ and in front of _my whole family_?"

"Ya point being?" Ranma asked, flipping a small rice ball into his mouth and chewing with gusto as he waited for her reply.

"Why don't I hate you like those other perverts?" she finally concluded, shrugging her shoulders and starting to poke at her Bento.

"Ya talking 'bout that welcome committee that goes out of their way to greet ya in the morning?" Ranma inquired, down to his dessert and still going strong.

"Oh, so you already saw them?"

"Well yeah," Ranma agreed with a lopsided grin, "that show was hard to miss."

He let that remark hang in the air for a moment before continuing.

"Maybe it's 'cause I'm one of the nicer types of pervert. And I just offered ya a chance at some real training. Not like that lot of punching-bag wannabes"

"You're talking about this piece of drivel here?" Akane asked, pulling the folded piece of paper from the pocket of her jumper.

The boy cast a glance at it and simply nodded.

"Yupp," he agreed. "Everything on there is tried an' proven. Should help with ya martial-arts an' general well-being."

Akane favoured him with a glare before making a show of reading from that list.

"Rule Number 7:" the girl started to proclaimed aloud, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Stop trying to cook like Kasumi. Kasumi can't cook. She just copies your mother. Use a cookbook and start with page one."

Akane held the paper in front of Ranma's face for inspection. Not that he needed to read it. He was the author after all.

"Kasumi can't cook? Are you nuts?" the girl exclaimed heatedly. "She's officially one of the best cooks in Nerima."

Ranma looked at her for a moment as if weighting his options.

"Ever noticed how there are always leftovers after dinner?" he finally replied with a question of his own. "Like about one portion? (*) That's 'cause ya mom always cooked for five. Kasumi must 'ave been a real smart kid. I mean, she figured out how to do everything just by watching and from a couple of notes ya mom left behind. But that's also why she never strays from the original recipes. 'Cause she was never taught how to. Still, it's really impressive that memory of hers. Kind of a waste to keep her locked up in that kitchen..." he finished, his voice almost dropping to a whisper.

"That's a load of bull and you know it!" Akane declared angrily, unable to believe what her ears were reporting. "Stay away from my sister you creep! And stay away from my family! You know nothing about us and I refuse to listen to any other word you say!"

She rose from her seat as if to leave and her hands began balling up that cursed piece of paper to throw it right between his eyes. She didn't get the chance to go through with that as Ranma also rose and snatched the paper right from her hands.

"Ya don't wanna believe me? Fine with me. It's ya own choice an' I can't force ya..." he grumbled with such low boiling passion in his voice that it shut Akane up rather effectively. He smoothed out the paper and refolded it as neatly as possible.

"But I haven't lied to ya once. An' that ain't 'cause I'm such a nice guy..." involuntarily retreating a step Akane found herself with her back against a wall. And Ranma himself took a step forward too, for all practical purposes pinning her to that exact wall.

"...'cause I'm not," he continued with great intensity. It was as if he was trying to force her into understanding simply by the power of his will. "I grew up on the road an' some of the things I did to get by might really make ya cringe. But..." he took the paper and very slowly, very carefully, inserted it into the front pouch of her jumper "... I promised I wouldn't lie no more. At least not to certain people. An' that happens to include ya. I''m not gonna lie 'bout the small stuff and certainly not 'bout the big stuff. That's what I promised on everything important to me. An' I always keep my word."

Akane couldn't help but stared at his face in wonder. She just couldn't understand how Ranma could be so overwhelmingly intimidating and at the same time so _not_ scary. It was the Dojo all over again where he had immobilized her. At the same time she had been feeling helpless, angry and frustrated, but also strangely safe. Back then Akane had understood, on an instinctive level but with absolute clarity, that if she had faked an injury Ranma would have let her go that very instant. Maybe it had just been the way he had held her, or maybe his smell had lulled her into some false sense of comfort. Just like right now, sandwiched as she was between the wall and the guy in question. Only in the Dojo she had been unable to witness the expression on his face.

The way his blue eyes bore into her, willing her to understand where his words might fail him.

The way his brows furrowed and the edge of his mouth twitched in frustration.

This observation obviously brought her attention to his lips.

Classic mistake.

For a reason Akane neither understood nor cared for at the moment, her hands shot up, grabbing both of the sides of Ranma's face and, half pulling him down, half pulling herself up, planted a kiss on his lips.

And it was sweet, and hot, and everything a kiss should be.

"I know you do," she found herself whisper as she drew her head back and slipped past his shell shocked body. The strangest, most enticing images filled her mind as she ran off towards the railing. Images of her and Ranma in various states of dress or undress, being more or less intimate.

"Yeah, all _boys_ are perverts," shot through her jumbled mind as she simply jumped from the roof, "Tom_boy_s included..."

(* In case of a visit by men from the Saotome Clan there will be NO leftovers. Even in case that the amount of ingredients has been doubled.)

…

Ranma didn't pay attention to Akane hopping over the railing. If he had then his troubled mind might have shorted out completely. He was in a bad enough condition already, so no reason to kick a man that's down.

"What, what, WHAAATT..?!" he stammered, dropping to his knees. He stared at the now deserted wall with unseeing eyes, his hands covering his mouth as if that could make the unthinkable become undone. It helped about as much as a handkerchief can wipe away an ocean.

"What's that stupid Tomboy doin'?" he wailed, his hands wandering further up to start ripping at his hair.

"We didn't even... I mean we haven't yet... an' there's no way she'd ever… not until… " Ranma gestured wildly left and right, neither his arms nor his mind being useful in dealing with the situation. He fell on his back in a boneless heap with a frustrated scream of "_Aaaaargh!_"

"This is sooo fucked up..." he sighed, looking up at the clouds. "Could this damn day get any worse?"

Just then the bell rang for the end of the lunch break as if to answer Ranma's question.

…

When Ranma returned to the classroom he noticed two things. All eyes were on him and Akane was missing.

The attention of the classmates towards his person hardly came as a surprise to him. But Akan missing was never a good sign as far as he was concerned. He entertained the idea of abandoning school and going on a search for her. But he didn't follow through with that idea.

Acting like that would have given the class too much inspiration for wild speculations. Ranma prefer to keep the tomboy out of those for as long that she'd let him. Considering the amount of ridiculous rumours about himself, the curse and the possible implications that were most likely already making the rounds at school.

As much as Ranma's fists were itching, that also meant staying out of the morning fights. He was well aware that choosing Akane to splash him with water as way of an introduction to the class had been a bit of an inconsistency to that plan. But let's face reality. Who else could he choose for his first real public freak-show?

Not that he had been nervous. He was the Ranma Saotome after all!

But having Akane do the honours kept the smile on his face at the very least. That much he could admit.

In the same line of thinking, maybe he should have delivered the note more discreetly. Oh well, what's done was done.

Deep in such thoughts, Ranma spend most of the afternoon brooding. The teachers didn't bother to disturb him and his classmates couldn't decide who to send forward. A couple of notes found their way towards his desk but he ignored them. And no sooner did the last bell ring that he was out of that place at a speed that made three-thirds of the school's sports clubs retake their vows to scout him.

….

End Chapter 2


	3. Here's Dr Tofu

**Square 1/2**

Chapter 3 : "Here's Dr. Tofu"

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

* * *

The clinic for "Acupuncture, Moxibustion and traditional Japanese Medicine", run by one Dr. Tofu, was an important part of the Furinkan neighbourhood of Nerima. It was a place where people gathered to have their big and small aches and problems tended to. And it was not always only the aches of the body. Being a doctor of the more traditional variant, some university graduates might even call him a "medicine-man" or "hedge-doctor", Dr. Tofu understood the importance of tending to the soul as well as to the body. A dying art in these oh so enlightened days. As such he had perfected the skill of listening, with a smile and a nod and the occasional question in context. And his patients loved him for it. They came in flocks and they didn't mind waiting their turn. His waiting room turning into something like the Furinkan town square where people meet and greet.

Except for Wednesday afternoon. Nobody in their right mind went to Dr. Tofu's clinic on a Wednesday afternoon. There was always the risk of a certain girl showing up and causing the sweetest kind of mass extinction imaginable on any given day. But on a Wednesday afternoon there was a guarantee. Thank the Kami that is was Monday and on Monday she did the laundry. That was as safe a day as you'll ever get down there and so the waiting room was packed to capacity and beyond.

...

Dr. Tofu sat back in his chair and sighed. Taking a sip of his tea he noticed that it had somewhat cooled off since the receptionist had put it on his table some hour and a half before. Then again, that was the fate of all heated beverages in a busy establishment such as his clinic. They turn to room temperature by the time you get around to actually drink them.

Dr. Tofu was feeling a little bit exhausted. Small wonder, seeing as he had to cramp several additional people into an already full schedule. Mondays always turned out like that and for the life of him he couldn't tell why.

It wasn't that any of his clients were in a life-threatening situation that needed immediate help.

Right then he heard a knock on the door and the voice of his receptionist.

"Doctor?" she called through the closed door. "The youngest Tendo girl is here. She says that she needs to see you because there is a life-threatening situation and she needs immediate help!"

...

There were certain ironclad rules concerning the visits Akane Tendo paid to a certain doctor. She would always appear as presentable as her condition allowed, going as far as first visiting the toilet to check her hair and clothes before even sitting in the waiting room. She would always be on her bestest of best behaviours. To the point of renunciation if need be. And she would get lost in girly fantasies concerning the doctor more often than not.

But that's the problem with all things ironclad. The material may be hard but it's also quite bad with sudden shocks. It tends to break rather easily under stress.

And right now, Akane Tendo was nothing if not stressed out.

...

Doctor Tofu had known Akane since he first opened up the Clinic. That small girl he met back then had been way too energetic for her own good so she visited regularly with scrapes and sprains and the occasional black eye. No matter the injury though, she always was one to grin and bear.

"You should see the other guy!" was always one of her favourite quotes.

Over the years Doctor Tofu had been allowed to watch that wild little firecracker grow up into a sunny young lady. Beautiful to look at, charming to speak to and a joy to be around. A part of him loved her like a little sister. Another part of him quietly added "in law" to that. But that was something very subconscious so he might be pardoned for not noticing.

"Hello Akane," he greeted her, happy about the visit even through his tiredness, "What brings you..."

The girl storming into the room didn't bother with such niceties. And looking at her getup that wasn't the most surprising thing about her. Her cloths were ruffled and even slightly torn in places. There were some twigs and leaves sticking to her shaggy hair as well as some scratches on her skin. The expression on her face fetched first place though when it came to being the most disturbing. It was something raw and wide-eyed as if it had been ripped right out of that famous Munch painting. (*)

"I'm soooo dead!" he heard her grumble as she crashed on his examination couch, hardly acknowledging the good doctor's presence. "It's official! I can never show up at school again...!"

"Relax Akane. Breathe in, breathe out. Just like we practised..." the doctor said in his best calming voice. He didn't dare to rise from his seat or make a sudden movement of any kind so as not to scare her off like some skittish animal. "You are safe here, you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I know," the girl replied in a tired drawl. She turned to gaze at him in a way that almost looked accusing. "You know, it's kinda insulting for a girl if she's _always_ safe with a guy? Or is it that you haven't realized that I've grown a pair?"

To support her point, her hands pushed her breasts together in a display to emphasize her bust. Only when she saw the doctor's jaw smash a crater into the surface of his table did Akane realize what she had done.

"Friggin' great, not again!" she moaned as her hands rushed upward so her face had something to hide behind. "I'm sorry Doc, you know I'm usually not like that."

"It's okay Akane, no harm done," Doctor Tofu assured her while trying to wipe away the blood still trickling from his nose in the least suspicious way.

"No harm done? What makes you think there was _No Harm Done_?" the girl wailed, still lost in her own little drama. "I kissed that guy! On my own! I! KISSED! RANMA!"

To say Tofu was taken aback by the confession would have been an understatement. Part was the fact that for the last couple of months the girl on the couch had constantly complained about boys in general and that Kuno guy en detail. Part was the sheer force of her emphasis of the crime.

HER!

KISS!

RAMNA!

That was a name that suddenly clicked with the Doctor from one of her earlier, more civil rants.

"Is that the same Ranma from a week ago?" he asked cautiously. "The boy that got you _not_-engaged in a very colourful way?"

"Hah! BOY? That's not even half the truth," Akane snarled in a most ominous fashion, rubbing her temples in a vain attempt to get her brain to think straight again. "He's a new student in my class. Fun morning _that_ was..."

Doctor Tofu shook his head, finally giving in to the confusion he was experiencing and dropping the adult act.

"How do you go from hating his guts to kissing him in..." he looked at the big clock over the door which showed one thirty PM "...in half a school-day?"

"How I got there?" Akane asked. An unreadable expression suddenly appeared on her face. Sliding from the couch she stood up and straightened out her jumper. Then she sauntered around the doctor's table, paying careful attention to emphasize the swing of her hips. The poor man couldn't make head nor tail of her strange conduct. In his mind's eye that girl had always been this sweet and innocent young thing. But suddenly she seemed very mature as well as dangerously sexy.

Slowly bending forward Akane seemed well aware of the effect she had. She put her hands on either armrest of the chair while the man sitting in it tried to bend backwards with a nervous expression on his face.

"I thought of it. And then I did it. Pretty much like this..." she finally explained, crossing that last inch and placing a kiss on the panicked doctor's lips. She pulled away just as quickly, her expression quizzical as she smacked her lips.

"Nope, doesn't compare," she finally passed judgement with some trace of regret in her voice. "Guess it's nothing as simple as a crush in that case."

Akane turned away from the flabbergasted victim of her sudden display of affection to look at the same clock the doctor had referred to earlier.

"Oh well, look at the time," she added, for all practical purposes a way better mood than when she had rushed in. "I better be going now. Anyway, thanks for your time Doc. As always you've been a great help."

With that she was out of the door. Left behind was a catatonic husk of a doctor, with froth at the mouth and a severe lack of blood judging by the stains on his shirt. For weeks the mere mention of her name caused chaos on a level with that of her elder sister. It got better after a while as Akane was no repeat offender. But Tofu Ono remained a little nervous around her for much longer.

(* "Skrik" (English "The Scream") by Edvard Munch. Oil-painting, not the movie. The title and the mask in that movie were inspired by the paining though.)

...

After a turbulent week it was finally quiet again on the grounds of the Tendo Training Hall and residence. That was a good thing as this meant that the ringing of the doorbell did not go unheard. Knowing that her father was the only other person in the home, Kasumi put away Nabiki's torn sweater (*) she was about to fix so she could answer the call. Passing the living room she saw the patriach's silhouette through the door to the Engawa. It looked like he was taking a smoke outside.

Now Kasumi wasn't the type of woman to begrudge her family members a little respite from the day's activities.

And she was especially not someone to shy away from all those little or not so little tasks around the house.

But seriously, three steps out and a push of a button. Was that really asked too much?

But like every other day the smile on Kasumi's face stayed put on her face and a bystander would never have guessed that something akin to a negative thought might have flitted through her mind.

The young woman answered the door, wondering who it might be at this hour. To her knowledge neither her father nor her sisters expected visitors. Besides, neither Nabiki nor Akane had come back from school yet, so how could one of their friends come knocking before them?

Opening the front door Kasumi saw a petite young girl standing before her. She was a bit of an odd sight, with her wet, slightly oversized clothes and her head crowned by unruly red hair. But she wore a sunny smile and seemed nice enough.

"Hello Tendo-san," the girl greeted with a slight bow. "My name's Ranma (**). I'm a classmate of Akane. She forgot her bag at school." As if to prove her claim she produced a satchel that indeed belonged to the youngest Tendo. "Is she here? I'd like to return it to her."

"I'm sorry," Kasumi replied, "she's not at home yet. Maybe she met up with her friends after school. But I'm sure she'll return soon. Would you like to wait for her inside?"

She opened the door further, one hand gesturing towards the living room. This Ranma girl looked at her as if mulling the offer over in her head. But then she shrugged, offering the bag to Kasumi with a smile.

"Another time maybe," she said, bowing once more. "Still got some places to go. But thanks for the offer, Tendo-san."

Then, with another smile and a wave of her hand, she set out towards the street at an amazing speed. In the blink of an eye she was gone.

Hugging the bag close to her chest, Kasumi wondered about this somewhat exotic person. And that name, didn't that sound like that boy from last week? True, there are names common to both sexes. But a name like Ranma? How truly odd.

(*- True, upon being bought it had started out as Akane's.)

(**- No 'Ranko' in this one. Sorry 'bout that)

...

If Ranma only had taken Kasumi up on her invitation he, or she, wouldn't have had to wait too long for Akane to return. It was barely 20 minutes difference between the one leaving and the other one coming home.

Kasumi heard the call announcing her kid sister's presence and stepped out of her kitchen to greet her.

"Welcome back Akane," she said with her usual smile. "You just missed a friend of yours from school. She brought over the bag that you apparently left behind."

"Oh, right!" Akane exclaimed, her eyebrows shooting up as she realized that she had all but forgotten about something as insignificant as the odds and ends of her education. "Who brought them? Sayuri? Yuka?"

Kasumi shook her head in negation.

"It was a new girl," she explained, "I think her name was Ranma. A very nice girl. Beautiful red hair. But somehow I got the impression that she wasn't feeling too comfortable in her skin. Does that make sense?"

"Trust me, it does. And no, he doesn't," Akane agreed with an unladylike snort. Pulling a ruffled piece of paper from her chest-pocket she unfolded it and scanned for a certain paragraph. Then she looked at her elder sister with a bit of insecure curiosity.

"Say, are you preparing dinner right now?" she asked, consciously ignoring the signs of panic showing on Kasumi's face. "Can I watch? I swear I'm not going to touch anything. I just want to watch how you do it. Maybe there's something I can figure out that way."

…

Dr. Tofu sat back in his chair and sighed. Taking a sip of his tea he cursed quietly while noticing that it hadn't cooled off enough since the receptionist put it on his table mere minutes before. His waiting-room had cleared out fast enough as the Tendo alarms went off around the clinic and suddenly he found himself with more time at hand then he was used to. Why was there never an accident when he actually had the time to deal with it? He'd go for a sprained wrist or maybe some nice dorsalgia? Not that he wished ill to anyone but he was a doctor. Too much health was bad for business after all.

Doctor Tofu was entertaining the idea of doing some maintenance on Betty, his trusty skeleton, when the receptionist announced another unexpected visitor on the intercom. No sooner had the call ended that a slightly dishevelled girl with red hair and a melancholic expression strolled in as if she owned the place.

"What's up Doc?" she asked in a near perfect impersonation of Bugs Bunny. Well, the carrot was lacking.

"Well, not much with the lack of patients and all," the doctor replied somewhat cautiously.

"An' that on a Monday no less. How odd." The redhead shook her red head, in surprise. "Well, K-Chan is still at home so I get it that... Akane was here?"

Ono Tofu's reaction to that name was interesting, to say the least. He stiffened up, his glasses fogging up and his face distorting to a strange, idiotic grin.

"A-a-a-a-kane..?" he stammered, his hand clawing the armrests of his chair. "I-i-is she here? She's not around, is she?"

"Oh boy, what did she do this time?" the strange girl asked, somewhat amused by the antics. Suddenly something on the table grabbed her attention. "Hey, that tea there still hot?"

...

"The horrors of Jusenkyo have always been shrouded in mystery!" the doctor exclaimed, somewhat excitedly. His panic mode was quickly overwritten when curiosity had taken the helm. "So it works with hot and cold fluids? How hot do they have to be exactly? The change, is there a moment of disorientation when it happens or is that a flowing transit. No pun intended..."

"Yeah doc, I get it. Spectacular curse. Just could ya answer my question? What the fk did that girl do to ya? Seriously, ya look like sheit if ya excuse my French."

Upon receiving such a brusque comment, the good doctor toned down quite a bit. Partly because of the memory of Akane's visit and partly because the frown on a male Ranma's face wasn't half as cute as on the female version. Gulping visibly and with gritted teeth, Tofu mustered all his willpower to give an answer.

"She, she K..ki..k..kissed me...te-hee-hee...," he stammered before his glasses fogged up and he dove for Betty.

"She... WHAT...?" Ranma shouted right back and stepped into the easily predicted path of the doctor's flight, expertly diverting him towards the examination couch. "What is _wrong_ with that girl today?"

It was a rhetorical question aimed at no one in particular. But lying head over heels on his own medical furniture, Dr. Tofu was hardly in a position to savour the difference.

"She said that she'd kissed you first," he defended himself quickly as a bit of the fog lifted from his vision.

"I know, right?" Ranma agreed without sounding too happy about it. "That's not exactly like her..."

Suddenly a thought seemed to come to him and he looked down on the doctor with a slightly nervous expression.

"This _IS_ not like her usual self, right?" he asked with trepidation.

"She also said yours was better," the doctor added instead of answering that question. Doctor Tofu, slowly regaining his wits, found it paramount to etch out their respective positions concerning the youngest Tendo and her love-life. Especially as it seemed this Ranma boy (gender pending to change) took the whole development way too personal for it to be just some unwanted affections by some crazy classmate.

"She said that?" Ranma asked with badly hidden excitement, his prior question instantly forgotten. "Did she... say anything else...?"

"As a matter of fact she did," the Doctor admitted as he sat up in a more comfortable position and straightened his clothes. "She said, and I quote: Guess it's nothing as simple as a crush. End quote."

Looking up at the punch-drunk boy before him his face took on a serious expression, one of professional authority.

"So tell me Ranma, what exactly is that thing between you and A..A..(gulp)..Akane..? I've known that girl ever since she went to elementary school and I doubt that she'd even kiss a boy on the second date. So what is happening here...?"

The boy in question let out a tired sigh, suddenly finding great interest in his own shoes. But then he turned and walked toward the table, pressing the button of the intercom there.

"Mrs. Heyanomae? Could ya please bring some of them really great tea ya make? The doc an' me are gonna have a real long talk here. Come to think of it, could ya bring some of them ginger cookies too? Ya the best. Oh... an' thanks."

Without waiting for a reply he turned towards the doctor again, propping himself up on the table. Taking a deep breath, he began to recount the strange occurrences that had led him towards his latest predicament.

"Well, when it comes down to it, everything started three weeks back in China when I got that stupid curse. The moment I hit the pool..."

...

It is a common conception that on the time of death one watches the whole life flash by one's inner eye.

As Ranma fell into the pond of drowned girl something similar happened to him. Only it wasn't images starting from his time of birth and fast-forwarding until the here and now that he saw. As he struggled to tell up from down, desperately searching for the right way to push for some air, the life flashing by was a life yet to come. Pictures without meaning to him, or so it should have been. He didn't really know the people in his vision except for his father. But each image awakened one or several sets of feelings in him.

A girl in guy clothes, a feeling of friendship and saturation?

A strong looking guy with a tiger-stripe bandana, camaraderie and rivalry. Guy stuff mostly.

A stupid looking guy with a bokken raised high, less respect than tiger-stripes but a bit of watchfulness. He is not allowed to come close.

A girl of Chinese descent, beautiful and with strangely coloured hair, respect and a bit of distrust. Also the iron taste of blood. The same for a long-haired guy with thick glasses.

An old ghoul that his senses warned him to avoid.

An old dwarf that his senses urged him to kill.

An older man with straight black hair and a moustache, a feeling of respect lost and hating it.

A pretty girl with a bob-cut and a mocking smile, cautious affection and a warning to keep her away from your possessions.

A beautiful girl that looked way too old for her age, affection and a strong feeling of kinship. Also saturation, and lots of it.

A beautiful woman, her classic Japanese attire making it hard to guess her age, a bit of caution, but lots of warmth.

And between all of this, again and again, one girl.

THE girl.

The only one that was ultimately important in that chaos.

There was no recounting of emotions as she induced every possible sentiment, from good to bad to awful to something so far above the clouds it became ridiculous.

She was the red thread leading through his labyrinth of memories yet to happen. She was the entrance and the exit. She was where he had to start and with her it had to end. Whatever 'it' might turn out to be.

Gasping, Ranma broke the surface, his mind's eye desperately trying to burn that one girl's face into his memory. He knew her and he knew her well. If only he could remember more details. He climbed from the pool, ignoring his father's panicked dance as well as his own female body. Straight for the guide's hut he headed, to where hot water waited for him. He understood the importance of hot water.

Japan. He had to return to Japan. To… Nerima? He'd find the house when he got closer, of that he was sure. She'd probably be there too. She had to be.

A…

Argh…

Ak…

Aka…ne?

Akane!

That's right, Akane would be there.

Akane would be there and this time around he would protect her.

Even if it meant he had to kill everyone that stood in his way…

...

"Errr… Ranma?" the Doctor interrupted cautiously, "that is a figure of speech. The part about the killing?"

Ranma looked at him blankly, no sign of humour gracing his features.

"No, why should it be?" he asked in a matter-of-fact voice. "I remember a couple of incidents when Akane's life had been threatened. Part because of people trying to get at me. Part because of people having beef with her. This time around, if someone draws a blade on her or some other gimmick, they're dead. I'm not gonna play nice if they don't."

Ranma saw the doctors horrified expression and part of him was sorry for stressing him out like that. But he had decided to trust that man and so he told things as honest as he had to. And the truth about the truth was that more times than not it was ugly.

"Listen doc, I'm not planning to go on a murder spree," he assuaged the poor fellow. "That's why I had planned to stay away from Akane for the most part. That should at least have halved the situations where she might get hurt. And for situations that she caused herself I had hoped to protect her from the shadows. Well, sort of." He scratched the back of his head, looking a bit pissed but overall more frustrated than anything. "But with the way Akane starts acting, I guess that plan got scrapped for good."

Doctor Tofu looked at him, then at the cup of tea in his shaking hands, then back again at Ranma.

"I don't know about you but right now I need something stronger," he said and reached for one of the lower drawers of the medical cabinet behind him. From within its depths he produced a bottle filled with a fluid of dark amber.

"Hey, don't tell me, that's from the 21 year old batch?" Ranma asked as his attention was drawn to what the doctor had procured.

"Suntory Hibiki 21 Year old," Tofu read aloud, carefully turning the bottle in his hands. "How could you tell with just a look?"

"Don't ask," Ranma replied, getting uncomfortable as a certain type of memories flooded his brain. "It seems I'm gonna have had a phase where I practically lived off that kind of stuff. Only the less expensive brands. I hope I can avoid that this time around. Gets me a headache remembering those headaches almost as bad as the headaches I get from sorting those memories in the right order."

…

Dinner at the Tendos turned out to be a quiet affair.

This was caused mostly by the fact that Soun and Nabiki had caught wind of Akane's presence in the kitchen. They probably would have run just as fast even if they had been told of the girl's non-involvement in the actual cooking. Because Akane had kept her word and touched nothing. Only asked the occasional question about why Kasumi did what she did and used what she used during the myriad steps of food preparation. Some of the questions the older girl could answer, others were more difficult. How could you tell that the meat was done perfectly? It was part experience and part instinct. It was how it was done. Kasumi never had questioned why the right thing to do things was the right way. She was sure her mother never had to explain why you treated the noodles with cold water after cooking. It was simply how they were supposed to be treated. What else should be there to it?

There was a voice in the back of Kasumi's head, a very quiet voice with little practice speaking, that insisted that a good teacher didn't just explain the how, but also the why. But truth to be told, if you have to manage a household by yourself, chances are you spend more time actually doing chores than reflecting about them. So no, Kasumi couldn't answer every question to her sister's satisfaction. She noted with some relief though that Akane didn't seem to be agitated by her lack of answers. If anything, she ended up more thoughtful than before.

"Kasumi? Can I ask you something?" she inquired as they sat at dinner, just the two of them. At her sister's nod she continued. "Before mother died, did you have some idea about what you wanted to do with your life?"

The older girl looked at her squarely, surprise written all over her face.

"What brought that on?" she asked in return. "Is it because of that letter you keep playing with?"

"It's not a letter," Akane was quick to clarify, stowing away a certain piece of paper she had indeed just fingered. "It's a list. It's about training. But it got me thinking. And what I was thinking is that at one time in life you, sister dear, got to have had other plans than what's on tomorrow's menu. Am I wrong?"

Kasumi let out a sigh, and it sounded way heavier as she would have liked. Looking at her sister's intense expression she knew that her usual tactic of a smiling withdrawal would not come through this time.

"I had other dreams when I was a kid. I wanted to be a doctor… or a nurse," she admitted in what she hoped was a placating fashion. "But with mother's sickness someone had to step in. And I love caring for our family. So there is no regret as far as I am concerned."

"But... You'd still like to study medicine?" Akane inquired further, deceptively nonchalant in her tone of voice. "If the situation here should change? Who knows, maybe Nabiki or I might marry, or maybe daddy does. What would you do if you suddenly had only your own life to worry about?"

Kasumi looked straight into the face of her little sister, even more squarely than before. The colour of her face was draining as quickly as her eyes were growing wider.

"I… I don't know..." she finally admitted in a tiny voice as she returned her attention to pushing around the food on her plate. "I just thought I would always be needed..."

…

After the sisters had a good, long and uninterrupted talk over dinner, nothing too common in this house, they returned the unfinished dishes to the kitchen.

While Kasumi did the washing and Akane did the drying, the elder girl voiced her concern about what to do with the leftovers.

You could almost see a light bulb appear over Akane's head as an idea struck her.

"Do you think I could take some of that over to a friend's house?" she asked hopefully.

Kasumi looked at the mass of leftover dishes and then back at her little sister.

"I don't see why not," she said with a smile. "I'm sure that Daddy and Nabiki already went to eat out. So how much do you want to take?"

Now it was Akane's turn to look at the leftovers. As she took stock of the supply that could easily feed three grown-up people and weighed that against the intended recipient, the answer came easy to her.

"How about...everything?"

...

After some merriment at the doctor's clinic and a few sips of a spirit he was officially too young for, Ranma made it home just in time for dinner.

Now that would have been a shame, missing out on his mom's cooking. The first thing he did upon returning home, besides slipping out of his shoes and calling out a greeting, was taking a deep breath. Anticipation is the highest form of joy, or at least that's what a German saying insists on. Considering how joyful Germans usually present themselves they might actually lack in things to look forward to. Not so Ranma. He and his stomach were feeling very joyful indeed.

"There you are," he heard his mother call from the kitchen in a voice so cheerful it was surprising even by her standards. "Now we can finally start."

Ranma made his way towards the kitchen to help his mother with the dishes but the table had already been decked out with tableware and those dishes that didn't need heating. Actually, the table had been set for three people.

Ranma's eyes grew wide. Should his father already have made his way back here? Impossible! The last place that fat coward would search was his own home. But who else would come here for a visit? At dinnertime no less.

Then Ranma heard a voice that for some reason made him incredibly uncomfortable just by originating from within the kitchen.

"Don't worry Mrs. Saotome, I got it. I'll just put it on the table and come back for the rice."

"Nonsense dear," he heard his mother chide the girl that by all rights shouldn't be here in the first place. "After all the trouble you went to and the food you brought? You make yourself at home and I bring the rice."

"Well, it's your kitchen, so who am I to argue?" he hear the reply and then Akane came around the corner, carrying a steaming wok and a bright smile. Placing the food on the table, the girl seated herself opposite of Ranma.

"Sorry to intrude on your dinner, but your mother insisted that I stayed. I just couldn't tell her off," she told him once she was comfortable.

Ranma blinked his eyes at her in confusion before regaining his senses.

"Yeah, guess she can be a bit forceful when it comes to bride candidates," he remarked before the words registered in his own brain. Then they did and his face began to show a firework-like display of varying shades of red.

"Err... that is… I didn't mean ta say..." he began stammering in a bout of panic.

"Really?" Akane went along playfully, a smirk spreading on her lips. "If I had known this would turn into an omiai I would have dressed a bit more formal."

"Ohhh! You are interested in an ominai with my son?!" Nodoka sang as she stepped into the room, hearts practically dancing in her eyes.

"Well, even if I was, Saotome-san," the girl replied in a dramatic voice that should by all rights have nominated her for an Oscar, "I'm afraid your son would go out of his way to avoid an engagement with the likes of me..."

"Hey!" Ranma exclaimed, enraged at being so obviously toyed with and for one or two other reasons as well. "If ya talking about the other day, I did that for ya, not against ya! I thought ya'd figured that out already."

"Why? What had happened the other day?" Nodoka asked slightly worried. "Did Ranma do something...un-manly..?"

Ranma looked up at his mother with trepidation at hearing that particular wording. Akane only looked up in mild confusion.

"On the contrary Saotome-san," she replied with a smile. "Your son was very manly. That day he embraced me in a way that no man had ever done before. That is, until my father saw what he did and kicked him out..."

"Oh, is that so?" Nodoka asked, instantly placated and back to her joyful self. "Ranma, make sure to apologize to Akane-Chan's father the next time you go for a visit there."

"That… might be a problem," the boy in question replied cautiously, his eyes darting between the two women in the room. "He got kinda pissed at me after all. I doubt he'll listen to anything I have to say."

"Now that's probably the understatement of the year," Akane agreed, nodding sagely.

"Ah! Forbidden love!" Nodoka exclaimed in glee. "How romantic!"

"Romantic isn't exactly the word..." Ranma remarked, only to notice that Akane had said exactly the same thing at exactly the same time. Staring at one another in surprise they both blushed in sync and found their plates terribly interesting in unison.

Damn, why did Akane have to come over without a warning? Now his mom got the totally wrong idea right. And Ranma was sure that he'd never hear the end of that.

...

Akane spend a nice evening at the Saotome residence. She obviously didn't get to talk about the more pressing questions on her mind but it was kind of cute watching Ranma's interaction with his mother.

Considering he was supposed to only have lived with her for a week after spending his whole life on the road he seemed pretty much at home. He also seemed to know exactly what went where, as if he'd grown up in that place.

He asked his mother if she wanted a backrub to relief the stress of her housework in such a natural way you'd think it was an age-old tradition. On the other hand, the way Nodoka's face lighted up in delight gave away that the concept was still a novelty to her.

What surprised Akane the most was her own short spurt of jealousy as she watched Mrs. Saotome melt beneath her son's expert touch. That was obviously a ridiculous emotion as the scene before her was one of a mother and her son. And not of a woman and her lover. Besides, Akane had known the boy for what? Two days all in all? Still, those two days had been noteworthy, to say the least.

And, Akane reminded herself as she peeked at the clock on the opposite wall, that second day had another two and a half hours left for life altering experiences. But maybe this would be a good time to call it a night. Tomorrow was another day of school after all.

No sooner had Akane expressed her gratitude for the hospitality and declared her need to head home that she practically found herself pushed outside the door. Next to her was a slightly annoyed but mainly embarrassed Ranma carrying a bag with freshly cleaned food containers.

'A real man would never let a young lady walk home alone in the night!' That had been Nodoka's declaration and thus her son's verdict. If you listened closely you could still hear her giggle behind the door.

The two teenagers walked in silence, enjoying the relatively warm night and their respective presence for a block or two. But with all the questions on Akane's mind, that silence didn't last much longer than that.

"Why do I know you?" she suddenly asked.

"What?" came Ranma's reply not too eloquently. He looked at her as if she had just grown horns. Then again, given his background, had she grown horns his surprise wouldn't have been all that great.

"Well, let me rephrase that," Akane continued, her eyes on the clouds above and her arms clasped behind her back. "Why does it feel like I know you? I'm not too good with guys my age at the moment. But when it comes to you..?" She turned to face him with an inquisitive gaze, a small frown creasing her brows. "A week ago in the dojo when you grabbed me, I minded the circumstances but for some odd reason, I didn't mind _you _personally. In a way I still don't understand it was feeling… right. Being held by _you_ was feeling right..."

In the knowledge of having Ranma's full, undivided and wide-eyed attention, Akane sighed and hung her head.

"With the excitement about the engagements and all that I hadn't thought much about it. But then you just had to show up in class and put on a magic show like that. One moment you're a guy and anyone can see that. Then suddenly... _BAAM!_ Miss Wet T-shirt."

She held her hands in a cupping gesture in front of her chest, indicating Ranma the Girl's larger bust.

"You'd think something like that should freak me out. And yeah, it did for a moment. But then I noticed something strange.

There's a part up here," she tapped a finger to her forehead, "that doesn't know what's going on. It doesn't know you, it doesn't know what to do about that curse or whatever. It still is convinced all boys are idiots. And it sure doesn't have any idea where you live.

But then there's this part," she pointed a finger to the left side of her chest and this time it was unlikely that she was referring to anyone's bust. "This part tells me it's alright. This is how things should be. This part," she patted her chest for emphasis, surely a very alluring picture for her companion, had the circumstances been any different, "it told me where to look for you. Not in that many words, more like in cold – warm – warmer – hot. It was a bit like playing hide-and-seek actually. That didn't make it any less awkward though explaining to your mother why I was running through her backyard instead of using the front-door."

Chuckling quietly, Akane turned to her companion with a wry smile. "She really should be more cautious when it comes to weird strangers carrying gifts. And not just invite them inside for dinner."

Ranma looked at her blankly, his face guarded. That was something he had never been good at but right now he made an effort.

"I'll make sure to tell her that," he promised in a level tone of voice. "But as for whatever ya think ya feelin' in that heart of yours…"

He took a deep breath as is to steady his nerves. Or his resolve more likely.

"Every once in a full moon I run into a girl that swears she fell in love with me on first sight. With my curse and all the other things going on, like that engagement for example, I just don't have the time to deal with that. Besides, an' I think I said that in class, I've already got a wife. So if ya tell me ya wanna be my friend, then I'm more than happy about that. But if ya out for anything more than that… "

He shook his head slowly but determined.

"I'm not in the market."

Akane almost stopped listening to him the moment that he mentioned his wife. Here they were, both teens and he was already married? But it was true, that was exactly what he had already declared during his introduction. Only, with how things had happened, it hadn't truly registered in her brain.

Ranma carefully watched his companion for signs of stress, or more specifically, for anger. As they walked in silence he was almost impressed with how well she had taken that he played the ultimate trump-card. He knew how Akane thought about marriage and he knew that was a line she would never cross. Not knowingly anyway.

"I don't plan to stay here forever, you know?" he informed her in an attempt to break the silence and steer the topic into another direction.

"I've got another girl pops got me engaged to hot on my heels. So I only plan on hanging around until she catches up. Then I deal with her and get it over with. I hope she's the last one though. If pop got any more skeletons like that in his closet I'm gonna beat him with the bones, stuff him inside and kick the closet down a cliff. Honestly, how many times can ya sell the same damn horse?"

He chuckled at his own lame joke. Akane didn't feel inclined to do the same.

"What about your mother?" she asked in a dulled voice. "Are you just going to leave her again? She seemed really happy to have you back."

"Nothing much I can do about her," Ranma replied, his facial expression speaking volumes about how little he enjoyed that particular reminder. "Mom got along fine without me around 'til now. She's gonna be fine when I'm gone again. Besides, pop's gonna be back soon so she's not be staying alone for long."

"You didn't tell her yet, did you?"

A long time ago, Ranma Saotome had to make a promise to his then future wife to never ever lie to her. Without exception, even if it would cost him his life. Or there would have been no wedding.

After he made that fateful promise there had been many opportunities to doubt the wisdom of making that vow. Like right now. And like right now he always ignored those doubts and kept his word once given. But right now he was tempted to just lie his way out of answering that particular question.

"No," he admitted, "I didn't. For now all I want is for her to be as happy as possible. Life's gonna turn sour quick enough. So I'd appreciate if ya wouldn't tell her before I do."

Akane suddenly stopped in her stride so Ranma came to a halt, too.

"My silence is going to cost you, just so you know," he heard her say.

Damn if she didn't remind him of Nabiki at that very moment. It was probably a good thing that he couldn't make out her face in the darkness.

"What ya want?"

If the acquaintance with the middle Tendo girl had taught him anything it was to be vague in his promises and precise in his demands.

"Open your arms," he heard the girl reply. "Open your arms and give me a hug."

Ranma looked at her squarely, then down at himself. It was true, he had his arms crossed in front of his chest in a defensive posture.

"As long as it stays a hug," he finally conceded, relaxing his arms and dropping them to his side. Akane didn't need any further incentive. She walked up to him, her arms snaking behind his back without any hint of hesitation. He heard her sigh. A deep, content kind of sound, almost more of a vibration against his chest than something his ears picked up. She nudged him impatiently, indicating his arms still hanging limp by his side.

A deal was a deal, so Ranma circled his arms around her as lightly as he could without being called a liar. It was hard to find a safe place to put his hands. Because it seemed that those hands wanted to wander pretty much everywhere on that girl before him.

But this was not the time.

Not anymore.

Not ever again.

"Might be you really don't lie to me. But your heart's still a lot more honest than you are."

It was a quiet remark, almost inaudible as Akane's face lay half-buried in his chest. If that didn't get his attention, the way she pressed herself against him did. It didn't just make his heart beat wildly as she had just noted. Other parts of his anatomy proved just as traitorous. There was no helping it, Ranma had to force himself into the soul of ice, or at least into as cool a state as he could muster.

"What ya expect?" he asked her in such a parody of a casual manner that it almost make him cringe himself. "Ya pretty much the most beautiful girl I know. An' I'm not dead yet. It's obvious that I'd 'react' to ya bein' this close."

"As beautiful as your wife?"

That question was even less discernible than the last comment. It wasn't just that Akane's face was obstructed. She sounded sleepy too.

"I don't think anyone is as beautiful as my wife," Ranma answered without hesitation, and this time the truth came easy to him because it was simple and honest.

"Lucky girl…" he heard the girl in his arms mumble, or maybe that was only his imagination. It was almost impossible to tell if she really breathed those words or simply sighed. Something else became obvious though as her breathing turned deeper and her arms relaxed around him.

She had fallen asleep standing upright.

"Are you kidding me..?" Ranma exclaimed as he tightened his hold around her just quick enough to keep her from sliding to the ground. "Akane? Hello..?"

But apparently she wasn't fooling around. The day must have taken a bigger toll on her than expected because simple shaking and prodding wasn't enough to wake her. And honestly, she looked way too adorable resting in his arms like that, content smile and all.

"Aaaaw come on, and we almost would have been there too…" Ranma complained half-heartedly as he cautiously picked her up in his arms. But he smiled a little as he began to carry her home, the concept not altogether unpleasant to him. And he didn't look in a terrible hurry to reach their destination either.

...

Kasumi heard the tapping at her window but at first she couldn't place the sound. She wasn't the kind of girl that got visitors during the last hour towards midnight all too often. Not all too often as in 'never' actually. But like many other girls she might have had one or two fantasies involving a handsome stranger that came calling under the cover of night to shower her with his affection. The stranger in those reveries was way too bold and forceful to bother with knocking to get her attention though.

Once she identified the most probable source of the noise as being someone standing in the backyard and flinging small objects against the pane of her window she rose from bed. Hastily putting on her cardigan she looked outside. What Kasumi saw down there gave her quite the scare. It was the redheaded girl from earlier that day carrying an obviously unconscious Akane in her arms.

"Oh my gods!" Kasumi exclaimed, covering her mouth with a hand as if trying to keep a less ladylike expressions inside. "What happened? Is she alright?"

The girl in the garden gave her a reassuring smile and shook her head.

"Don't worry," she told her, "She's just as deeply asleep as your dad in the living room. But I saw ya light was still on so I figured I don't have to leave her on the porch."

That last part was said with such a crooked smile that Kasumi was torn between scolding her and laughing out loud. She opted for the middle ground, in that case this meant hurrying downstairs and opening the back-door.

"Quick, come in," she told the girl outside, holding the door open.

Ranma entered the house carefully, paying attention not to bump either end of his precious cargo against the door's frame.

"Here," the redhead said as she navigated the entrance. She offered the bag full of empty containers from under her more important cargo. "That was some great chow. And my mom really wants that recipe for the Soba noodle salad."

"I'd be glad to write it down for her," Kasumi replied, always happy about the food she prepared being appreciated. "Akane can bring it with her to school tomorrow."

"Thanks," Ranma quipped as she pushed past her. "Ya two should really start swapping recipes too. Can't wait to taste ya combined efforts."

Watching that small girl in the Genkan, Kasumi wondered how she was able to carry her sister as if Akane weighed nothing. Slipping the shoes from her feet and pushing them towards the wall was done balancing on one foot. With no apparent signs of strain.

"Sorry for the late night visit, but we lost track of the time and then Akane got real' tired real' quick."

"What are you apologizing for?" Kasumi asked mildly surprised. "You carried my sister back to us. If anything we should be thankful to you."

"Damn right ya should," Ranma agreed with her assessment, flashing her another grin. "But for now I'd be completely happy if ya just showed me the way to her bed."

It wasn't as if he didn't know exactly where to go. But he could hardly let that show, could he now?

"Of course," Kasumi agreed quickly and started leading her up the stairs and towards a door with a duck shaped nameplate. Opening that she gestured towards the bed inside. "Just lay her down, I will take care of everything else."

"Okay," the red-head quipped and continued inside, carefully placing Akane on the mattress. But just because Ranma put Akane down didn't mean that in turn Akane was done with Ranma. The moment the one girl released her grip, the other one's tightened. Akane basically hooked her claws into Ranma's shirt, grunting and starting to frown as she got dragged a bit towards the edge of her mattress.

"Seriously? You still do that?" Kasumi heard the redhead's rhetorical question. With a theatrical sigh Ranma bent forward and slipped out of the contested shirt. Akane reacted with a triumphant grunt, hugging the fabric to her chest and curling into a ball.

"Well, two can play that game, sugar." Ranma commented and turned towards the wardrobe. Opening it up she grabbed a deep green sweater only to stop in her tracks and turn towards Kasumi.

"Errr… That is if it's okay that I borrow this?" she asked with a sheepish grin.

Kasumi shook her head, on some level deeply disturbed by the interaction she had just witnessed.

"Are you sure the both of you only met today?" she heard herself ask.

"Sure I'm sure," Ranma replied vaguely, preferring not to specify what it was he was sure about.

"Though we did have a run in of sorts the day I moved here. But today was the first day we really got to talk"

Well it was the truth, all things considered.

Ranma slipped into the sweater and pulled it into shape to accommodate her partially more expansive anatomy compared to the garment's owner. Once she was comfortable with the result she bowed towards Kasumi.

"Well, I gonna leave her in ya care then... Tendo-san," she said, almost starting the address with the girl's given name, but quickly circumventing that particular pothole. "It's getting late and I should hit the sack myself."

"Of course," Kasumi replied, bowing in return. "Have a nice trip home Ranma-chan. And thank you once again for bringing my sister home safely."

"Don't sweat it," Ranma replied with a shrug as she left the room, "bringing Akane back safely is what I'm all about…"

...

End Chapter 3


	4. Here's Tatewaki

**Square 1/2**

Chapter 4: "Here's Tatewaki, (yet no one deems it worth to take note)"

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

* * *

Another fine morning dawned over the Furinkan district of Nerima Ward in Tokyo. The air was still a bit on the crisp side but it promised to become quite a bit warmer as the day continued.

Ranma Saotome had risen early enough for a light workout. By his standards, if not anyone else's. He had washed up and then gone to have breakfast with his mother. Life was good.

Life could have been even better, but school was unavoidable. So he set out to face what he could not ignore. That did actually not only encompass school but also his relation with a certain girl that had taken a more than obvious liking in him.

That fact posed quite a problem.

Ranma had a brain full of memories concerning Akane Tendo ranging from the here and now and then onward three or four years into the future. Based on those memories he knew he loved her. Had loved her. Will have been in love with her. Somehow those memories were the wrong way around chronologically speaking. But that was all nice and good if you didn't know how everything turned out. There had been no happy ending. Not in the long run anyway. Not in his furthest memories in the most distant future.

Ranma remembered who was going to be responsible for the way things turned out. He understood that the culprit was out there right this very moment. But he also knew that person would come to pay Nerima a visit. Just like all the other Freaks and Nutjobs would. One by one like ducks in a row. So all he had to do was lie in wait and put an end to the tragedy before it even began. In the most terminal way accessible to him.

Ranma wasn't stupid. At least not stupid enough to pretend it wasn't murder what he was plotting. No matter how just it seemed in his own mind he knew nobody else would see it that way. Whether he had to go to jail for this or not, chances were that people would only understand his deeds as the workings of a bloodthirsty madman and turn their backs on him.

Especially someone like Akane. The girl who had hands down the strongest sense of justice in anyone Ranma ever encountered. How could he justify getting close to her? How could he become her confidant, her lover even, and then stick that kind of oversized dagger in her back?

Tricking her into becoming the killer's girl?

No friggin' way!

And that' was more or less where his plan originated.

Part A) was to break the engagement as quick and hard as possible. He still needed to stay close by, for obvious reasons. But if Ranma just happened to become that loud mouthed, garish, gender-changing freak that flaunted his outlandish curse like some trophy, then chances should be that Akane would not want to have anything to do with him. And let's face some hard facts. Ranma didn't really need much skill at acting to play the loud mouthed freak.

Part B) was to drop a couple of pointers for Akane's training so she actually had a chance to become the Heir to the Musabetzu Kakutou Ryu for real. With Ranma not being able to hang around she was the obvious choice for the job after all. Apart from those pointers Ranma had planned to keep his feet still. Okay, so maybe he'd also give her a hint about how to avoid total annihilation in a kitchen.

Akane absolutely hated not being able to cook and Ranma absolutely hated seeing her that frustrated. It had been a way too painful experience to get her past the worst of her misconceptions about food preparation the first time around. No one should have to go through that culinary hell ever again. Still, that smile on Akane's face as Ranma ate her first edible curry…

"Thinking about something nice?"

"U-hu…" Ranma agreed absentmindedly, his brain still drowning in that weird future nostalgia. "I just remembered the first curry ya… Gnaaaah!"

'Gnaaah!' pretty much signified the moment Ranma realized who he was talking to. And not just that. Akane had obviously managed to walk by his side and latch onto his arm mostly without him noticing. And with her inherent brute strength that latching onto his arm foiled his sudden urge to jump away from her and onto the nearby fence quite effectively. Resistance was indeed futile.

"That's the first time I saw someone smile as they are reminded of my cooking," he heard Akane remark with a chuckle. "Most people prefer to forget the experience."

'Breathe Ranma, breathe. Do not fall into temptation. No funny remarks!' Repeating that mantra in his head the boy turned towards his companion. In complete ignorance of the fact that five seconds ago 'Foot-in-Mouth' had been the master plan.

"What's with the arms?" he asked her instead, trying to change the topic from her cooking to a slightly less sensible matter such as bodily contact. "Dontcha think that's a little bit too close?"

"How so?" Akane inquired all innocently. "You said we could be friends. And I walk with my friends like this all the time."

"With ya girl-friends…" Ranma couldn't help but clarify.

"True," the girl agreed. Then her free hand vanished behind her back and returned with a small water-pistol. "Luckily my new friend does have that option too…"

"Don't ya dare..!" Ranma exclaimed as he reached to prevent her from committing some nasty wetwork. With one arm connected and the other struggling for the girl's weapon of choice the couple suddenly found themselves in a very compromising position. With the interlinked arm pressed behind her back to hinder Akane's manoeuvres and the other arm stretched high Ranma held the girl in a way that would have made a Tango instructor squeal with glee. They realized this pretty quickly but neither one of them dared to make the first move.

"I think I can deal with it without changing," Ranma finally said with an obvious effort in self-control on his part. "So can ya put that thing away?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever…" Akane replied absentmindedly. Her eyes were fixed on his face. Especially his lips seemed to play a central role in her current thought process. At least that didn't stop her from putting the gun back to where she got it from. For several moments Ranma wasn't sure whether she would kiss him again. And while his consciousness was all against it he knew that it wasn't always in control of his own actions. As luck would have it Akane spared him from temptation as she cleared her head by shaking it a couple of times.

"This is not gonna be easy, will it?" She asked after licking her suddenly oh so dry lips.

"What's not gonna be easy?" Ranma asked in reply, hoping against hope that she wasn't talking about 'that'. "Walking to school together?"

"NO, Idiot," Akane replied in a more gentle tone of voice than the insult implied. "I'm talking about me being in love with you. And you being… well... already taken."

As she lowered her head, leaning it against his chest in a somewhat painfully familiar manner, Ranma exhaled heavily. Resisting the urge to rest his own head on the crown of hers, he cursed his inconsistency as he reached up his free hand and pushed her back a step or two.

"Listen, can we talk about this after school is over?" He asked her in a desperate attempt to get out of this particular tight spot. "We're gonna run late at this rate."

The look Akane gave him showed as much doubt as it showed hurt. It was obvious that she didn't really consider her education as top priority right this moment and she probably couldn't figure why he of all people should think any other way. But finally she nodded her consent. So Ranma set off in a hurry with Akane still latched to his arm. If anything her grip got more death-like as she let herself get dragged towards Furinkan High.

…

Despite his claim of being late Ranma Saotome reached the gate of Furinkan High with a couple of minutes to spare. He was glad that he didn't get into trouble with the monitor but at the same time he realized that he had forgotten about two things of minor importance in his hurry to get here.

One was the usual crowd of boys waiting to fight Akane Tendo for a date.

Two was Akane Tendo being attached to one of his limbs in a very close position that was very easy to misinterpret.

"Guess ya guys don't care if I tell ya that this isn't what it looks like?" he hazarded towards the mob in general with a resigned grin.

"But darling," he heard the girl at his side exclaim with faked hurt. "Didn't you promise that you would always be honest when it comes to me? Now go and explain to those rude boys why I can't date them anymore!"

Oh yes, Ranma knew everything about Akanes devious brand of justice and this was her at 120% efficiency. She even placed a very demonstrative kiss on his cheek to get things heated up before pushing him right into the crowd of boys.

So she actually was mad that he didn't stay to talk, Ranma mused. Figures once you think about it. But then again, had he stayed and talked it might as well have taken up his whole day. And for what?

The stage was set, the plot was written and just because Akane decided to improvise wouldn't change the ending. In a couple of months, maybe even just weeks, Ranma would leave this place. Either feet first, in handcuffs or very, very fast. There was no way he'd drag Akane into a life like that. There was no way he'd let Akane even get near a life like that ever again.

Basta.

Finito.

End of story.

And no sooner had Ranma come to that same conclusion for what felt like the millionth time that he ran out of opponents. Looking around for any stragglers he found none. Instead he saw the slack-jawed faces of the surrounding crowd and the smug, almost cat-like expression of the girl that once would have been his fiancé.

And one Tatewaki Kuno stepping out from behind a tree.

There simply had to be a Tatewaki Kuno stepping out from behind a tree.

Ranma was convinced it was a law of nature or something like that.

"How dareth such an uncouth heathen as thou lay yone hand on the fair maiden that is Akane Tendo?!" the tall Kendoist exclaimed in his best, or worst if you asked the audience, stage-speak. "Hath the heavens gone blind? Hath Justice gone dull? That a fair flower like hers has to suffer defilement such as that? Not as I live and breathe I say! For I am I, Kuno Tatewaki, rising star of the Kendo world! The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"

Tatewaki struck a pose befitting his announcement, his Bokken raised high towards the heaven as if to call down said thunder onto his opponent.

Ranma struck Tatewaki with a fist to his face that happened so quick that most people thought he disappeared in one place and simply phased to the next. Kuno went down like a felled tree. The sudden impact happening too fast for him to brace against.

"An' as long as I live an' breathe ya better watch who ya call uncouth, sempai."

The honorifics Ranma used were notably not meant as such. Not with the way he intoned them.

"An' while we're at it, Akane and me are just friends." He continued that with a much louder voice, clearly meant for the surrounding crowd. "Her little show right now was just to tease ya guys. An' my little show," he pointed at the various boys on the ground slowly regaining their senses, "should get ya a clue of what happens when ya try to bully my friends. So stop this 'Dating Challenge' or whatever ya call it because..."

Ranma closed his fist around the bokken that he had liberated from a certain Kendoist, snapping it in half without apparent effort. "Well, just... stop them. Trust me, its way better for everyone involved."

…

As soon as she made her way into the classroom, Akane got swarmed by friends and classmates alike. She was pelted with so many questions that you could practically see her skin ripple from the combined force of the sound waves. Judging by her never wavering smile she didn't mind the situation. She handled it quite well too. Like a Pro she picked up the questions she wanted to answer and ignored the ones she didn't.

Basically, what Akane told them was that she and Ranma were indeed just friends.

For the moment.

But if they stayed just friends it wouldn't be from lack of her own initiative at advancing their relationship to the next level.

Now that send ripples through the cesspool of gossip that was otherwise known as the pupils of Furinkan High. Akane Tendo had the hots for a guy. And that guy could turn himself into a hot girl. And was already married. Furthermore he was able to lay out Kuno and his team on their backs. The myriad options available for more or less impure fantasies gave room to speculations. Those gave room to rumours that in turn were relabeled as hearsay and sold as truths.

By the time lunch break came about, Nabiki Tendo had enough of the unfounded and unfair allegations and presumptions making the rounds. Well to be fair, she had enough of them making the rounds without making her a profit. So she hunted down her baby sister to the roof of the western building. Then she hunted down the keys to the door to the roof of the western building. And then she confronted her sister. That sat on that roof. Having lunch with the male half of the school's new hot topic.

Surprising enough, at least from Nabiki's point of view, was the feeling of irritation towards her sister's companion. Twice now did he blindside her. First at the Dojo with the whole engagement deal and today by single-handedly destroying every betting pool concerning Akane's love-life. Nabiki hated to not be in the know about as much as she hated losing money. And she was more than willing to return that emotion back to its source. With interests of course.

"Well, well, well," Nabiki drawled as she walked towards her prey. "If it isn't Ranma Saotome in the flesh. Prey tell what's on your agenda today? Because you're sitting awfully close to my little sister for someone that is explicitly not interested in an engagement…"

While Nabiki was feeling irritated this didn't dull her ability to watch and judge people. The way Ranma shot up as if stung to deny having been sitting close to her sister and his loud claim that it was her that had been seating herself close to him instead seemed honest enough. Akane's flinching expression attested to that. The way that girl still used the opportunity to creep a little closer to him and bring herself in a better position to shield him from Nabiki spoke volumes too. Now the middle Tendo girl was on the prowl for good.

"Okay, spill it, what did you do to my little sister this time?" she accused Ranma, aiming to goad the truth out of one or both of them. "Did you blackmail her or is that another curse you had in reserve?"

"Nabiki!" Akane cried out, her temper as easily lit as always. "He didn't do anything to me!"

"Ah yeah?" Nabiki delivered with an arched eyebrow on the side, "and how would you know if he did any strange mumbo-jumbo to that brain of yours? Besides, how do you explain that the same girl that chanted 'I hate boys' for weeks on end suddenly gets lovey-dovey with a guy she just met under some pretty shady circumstances? I'd rather believe in good old brainwashing than something unfounded like love at first grope!"

"She does have a point," Ranma agreed much to Nabiki's surprise. He had his head cocked to the side and his facial expression had turned pensive as he looked at the girl next to him. "Ya know, not too far from the cursed springs there's that village of Amazons that specialise in this kind of thing. They got love-pills an' memory-altering shampoo an' crap like that. I could have slipped ya a souvenir I brought along."

Nabiki held her breath, waiting for her sister's eruption because of the semi confession. Instead Akane just looked at him sceptically as if weighting the probability of his claim.

"So, did you?" She simply asked in the end. "Slip me something to make me fall in love with you?"

"Noooo..," Ranma replied in what almost sounded like defeat. "But I could have. Ya gotta admit that things are moving a bit fast at the moment."

"Yeah right, first you slip me a love-potion and then you play hard to get. Makes absolute sense…" Akane mused with a smirk. "Besides, I didn't eat or drink anything you gave me before I kissed you. So much for that theory."

"Whoa, whoa... timeout!" Nabiki interrupted, complete with forming the T-sign with her hands. She focused a stare at her kid-sister, as intense as an AA-searchlight. "That guy is saying he's didn't do something and that's good enough for you as proof? Now I know something's up. There's no way you are suddenly that stupid brand of trusting!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Akane shot back, a twitching eyebrow the first sign of an impending storm. "I can be very trusting. If the person in question gives me a reason to."

"That's not exactly my experience and I've known you for sixteen years."

"Then maybe during those sixteen years you simply gave me no reason to trust your word?"

"I never lied to you once!"

"No, but you bend the truth all the time!"

"Ah, so now you blame me for your own naivety?"

At this point of the discussion both girls were standing nose to nose, red faced and practically inhaling their opponent's rage with every ragged breath they took. Now Ranma was not exactly an expert when it came to the finer facets of female interaction but whether he liked it or not, he had turned into an expert regarding Akane Tendo. And he knew that she was about 2 nanoseconds from doing something she'd regret. Luckily, for someone like Ranma, 2 nanoseconds were plenty of time to intervene as long as he didn't bother thinking about his actions.

"Now seriously Nabiki," he heard himself say as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "That's ya angle? Trust issues? No comment about the fact that she kissed me?"

In an instant the so addressed girl turned her attention towards the second most irritating person on the roof.

"Oh, believe me, I was coming to that," Nabiki assured Ranma in a voice that would have made a shark duck for cover. "Though you don't really expect me to believe that this boy-hater, "she pointed the thumb of her otherwise closed fist at her sister, "kissed you of her own free will on your first day of school? Pull the other one, it's got bells on it."

"Hey, it's not like I did anything to provoke her." Ranma replied only lightly defensive. Surprisingly enough having Nabiki get all sarcastic at him had a slightly calming, homely feeling. "Actually we were arguing at that moment 'bout cooking. An' suddenly she ends the discussion with a big smooch and jumps off the roof. Got me good with that one, honestly."

Suddenly Ranma frowned and looked over at Akane that had the decency to show a light blush.

"Come to think of it, why didn't ya break ya legs with that stunt? Didn't think ya trained jumping from this high up."

The girl in question shrugged her shoulders, the palms of her hands pointing up in a universal gesture of having no clue.

"I don't really know how I did it," she admitted. "It just seemed to come naturally. I was walking a little wobbly for a minute or two though. I guess it still needs some practice…"

"This is a prank, isn't it?"

Nabiki glared at the both of them, having watched their interaction and finding the sever lack of her little sister's usual patterns of conduct more than a little disconcerting.

"This is just a little show you put on to throw me off track, right? Well congrats, you did it. NOW I'm pissed!"

"Oh grow up Nabiki!" Akane exclaimed in the face of her sister's anger. "Like I'd go to these lengths to one-up you..."

"Hah! As if there actually was anything…" Nabiki began to rant but then the words were taking out of her mouth as well as Ranma's.

Because Akane had obviously decided that she had enough of all this talking. And that a little demonstration would prove more effective anyway.

Without as much as another word she walked over towards the object of her declared affection, rooting him on the spot with a more than intense gaze. Sure, Ranma saw her coming and he had little doubt about what she had in mind. But for some unfathomable reason he saw himself unable to even lift a finger in his defence. Not that any guy in his shoes could have blamed him for it.

Nabiki watched in wide eyed shock as Akane kissed her unresisting victim with little experience but all the more passion. She watched as Ranma reached up with shaking hands to grab her shoulders and push her off. Something he might actually have achieved if he had been able to put any strength behind that push.

"Damn it Akane," Nabiki heard him grumble in embarrassment as they came up for air. "Ya did it again..."

"So what?" the accused girl replied, still a little dizzy from the experience. "It's not like there is any point in waiting for you to start something, right?"

Ranma simply grunted in reply, his facial expression somewhere in between frustration and hurt. Akane wasn't impressed by his mood. If anything then his lack of a verbal rebuke humoured her. She picked up her Bento box and ran for the edge of the roof.

"Last one in class is a looser!" the girl shouted happily as she jumped off.

"Soo... ya still think I planned…THAT?!" Ranma complained towards Nabiki as he set out after her sister. "I mean, I know I'm loveable. But man, 'Kane's really overreacting..."

With that he demonstrated that the height of the building didn't bother him any more than the girl he pursued. By exiting stage left the same way that she had.

Nabiki suddenly found herself alone on top of the roof. With more questions than answers for once.

"What, what, WHAAATT..?!" she stammered, almost dropping to her knees as the world around her seemed to spin in all the wrong ways.

Could it be?

Could Akane have grown up enough to discover boys?

Could she ever develop the chutzpah to go for the guy she liked this aggressively?

Somehow curses and love potions and brainwashing sounded so much more reasonable than that silly little concept.

…

The rest of the day went by comparatively uneventful.

Comparatively because considering the bombs that had gone off today could have caused more damage and chaos than they did.

Comparatively because being swarmed by friends and schoolmates Akane wasn't able to catch up with Ranma and since nobody else at school was able to keep up with him he made it out scot-free.

Nobody except for Tatewaki Kuno that is.

"Hold it knave!" the delusional Bokken wielder shouted as Ranma's approaching form came into view. "How dareth you run out of our honourable duel?"

Now truth be told, Ranma remembered having grown tired of Tatewaki's "Honourable Duels" ages ago. Today didn't make him feel any different about it. And besides, Ranma actually had places to go. So in full stride he grabbed the water from his bag and splashed some into his face, triggering a certain change.

"I'm sorry Sempai," the sudden girl said as she wiped her face dry with the arm of her slightly oversized shirt. "I think the guy ya looking for left through the main gate."

Now Tatewaki Kuno had heard rumours of the strange new student and his magic curse. And seeing was believing after all. Correct?

"Thank you my dear." He said as he shot like an arrow straight and true towards the indicated direction. Alas, midstep he stopped in his righteous endeavour, turned and handed the petite girl a perfect red rose. "I shall make haste to catch that vile brigand. But take this flower as a token that we shall meet again! For as fate hath decreed us to meet today, so our paths will surely cross once more!"

With that he continued his pursuit of his cursed rival, leaving behind said rival's alternate appearance with the question of what to do with the unwanted gift.

…

Hours later Ranma was done with his errands so he headed home for dinner. That was one of his favourite times of day because it let him spend some quality time with A) his mother and B) her cooking. What was not to love about that arrangement?

He knew something was off when he saw a stranger's pair of shoes in the entrance area. And when he heard his mother amiably talking with a certain girl in the kitchen he briefly wondered why the possibility of food poisoning appeared to be the least of his worries.

As soon as he made his presence know his mother's head appeared by the door. She announced that the "nice girl from yesterday" had come over again to help him with his homework. That with him being new to school and probably a bit behind classes because of it. Wasn't that nice of her? Well, nice wouldn't have been the exact wording for Ranma to choose. But he wasn't foolish enough to comment on this.

After a little while they all sat around the dinner table and Ranma had to admit that the situation wasn't half as bad as it could have turned out. His mother was practically beaming because of her manly, manly son scoring such a nice girl in no time flat. Akane for her part was practically beaming from successfully intruding on Ranma's evening.

And the guy himself?

Well, Ranma had wonderful food to enjoy, his mother was happy as can be and, as much as he protested it, Akane's presence did make his day a little brighter.

That was exactly why he wanted to keep the dosage at a minimum. It was so damn easy to get addicted. Or rather to relapse in his particular case. Still, a little sniff of sunshine couldn't hurt, right? Oh boy, _NOW_ he sounded like a drug addict.

"Don't ya dare giving my mom crazy ideas!" Ranma suddenly told the girl in question as his mother vanished in the kitchen to bring out a dessert.

"And what kind of crazy ideas might that be?" Akane replied with saccharine sweetness, complete with eyelash batting and a cherry on top.

"That ya my girlfriend for starters?" he explained. "That kind of stuff."

"Well, I am a girl," Akane remarked to that. Coincidentally she used that opportunity to straighten her top, adding a bit to her neckline in all the strategically favourable places. "Plus we agreed that at least I can be your friend."

Ranma looked as if he wanted to smash his head against the table.

"Ya know exactly what I mean..." he growled though clenched teeth.

"As a matter of fact I do," Akane agreed. "And as far as I'm concerned she could call me daughter and I wouldn't mind. But since she can't do that and I can't tell her why she can't do that…" Akane bend over the table and placed her chin in her hands, smiling at him as unwavering as the desert sun. "...the least YOU can do is grin and bear it."

"Gods! I think I hate ya now." Ranma grumbled as he buried his own face in the palms of his hands.

"As if!" Akane replied unperturbed. "I can't imagine that you could hate me if your life depended on it. But for arguments sake, let's envision you would be able to. Hate me that is. And I'm saying this even at the risk of totally sounding like Kuno sempai..."

She made a dramatic pause, the fingers of one hand playing with her lower lip as she pondered what to say. For some reason Ranma couldn't tear his eyes from that picture and he almost missed the conclusion of her thought process.

"... I would still keep storming you ramparts until your defences give out. And in the end I'm going to take you by storm. For all I know you came here with my heart already in your pocket. It's only fair if I go and steal yours in return."

Akane chuckled, fully aware of how terribly corny her speech had to sound.

"I know I'm acting like I have read one Shojo Manga too many," she admitted as she waved a hand in front of her face as if she'd try to get rid of a lingering smell. "But this feels like the first time I really, honestly and exactly know what I want"

Now Akane looked him right in the eyes, unflinching and unapologetic. "So excuse me if I come on a bit strong. But this is just me, going after you, with everything I got."

Ranma just stared at her, wide eyed and blanching. His mind raced because of her words and the implications of what she was saying. If those stupid metaphors held even a grain of truth then something, somehow had already sabotaged every and all of Ranma's best intentions. And chances where that he'd done himself in without knowing. It wouldn't be the first time.

He needed a new plan. And he needed someone to talk things through.

And only one person came to mind.

The Doctor!

( Please insert a BBC Sci-Fi Series Theme Music of your choice. )

…

It was later that night, after Ranma had actually done his homework and accompanied Akane back to her house. This time on her own two feet and with no further incidents. That was something he had to hand to that girl. She could drop a megaton bomb on his head and go back to everyday business without missing a beat.

Actually, as Nodoka returned from the kitchen, the only one looking out of the ordinary was Ranma with his Owl-face. Akane instead had appeared carefree and completely at peace. Though she made no secret of being ready for shenanigans the moment Ranma should ever give her the thumbs up.

Once the duo was alone on the way towards Akane's home Ranma couldn't help but ask how she could pull off something like that. Talking about weird near-love experiences like other people talked about the weather.

"Don't get me wrong," Akane implored as she patted the hand of the arm she was clinging to. "If I had been somewhere else, with someone else, I wouldn't be this relaxed. For example, I had a crush on Dr. Tofu since forever. And I was a bumbling mess. Not as bad as he is around Kasumi but…" she shrugged her shoulders, not sure how do describe her usual inadequacy at courtship, "…well, it was bad. And embarrassing. And probably rather childish too. Come to think of it, I tried to become like my sister Kasumi so he'd take note of me. Look here…"

With that Akane reached her free hand to the long hair in her back and dragged the ponytail across her shoulder. Then she put on a hollow smile and batted her eyes at him.

"Oh Doctor, I'm afraid I sprained my foot. Would you mind running your big, strong hands up and down my leg?"

Watching Ranma's face cycling various shades of red the girl broke out in an amused laugh.

"Don't worry, the doctor is so nuts about Kasumi, he wouldn't have fallen for that. Besides, I would have never dared to be that forward with that poor shmuck anyway. Actually, I'm pretty sure I've never even really thought along those lines before you came along. I start to believe you might be a really bad influence for me."

She said those words with a bit too much dramatic flair to take them at face value. Her broad grin didn't help to convey the message either.

"MY point is, I only can be like that around you. Saying whatever comes to mind and not giving a sh… second thought to the consequences."

Ranma looked at her to try and decipher if that was another joke but she didn't look that way. If anything she looked rather content with her lot in life at the moment. That was until they reached the Tendo property and the time for parting was upon them.

"I guess I can't convince you to come inside for a cup of tea?" Akane asked in a threadbare attempt to prolong the evening.

"Naah, thanks, but I'd rather not run into ya dad like this," Ranma replied, one hand sweeping across his male form for emphasizes. "An' I don't feel like changing."

The last part he had added just as Akane had started reaching for her Squirt-gun. With a small pout she let the limb fall to her side again.

"Oh well, can I at least get a good night kiss?" she asked, willing to get the most out of her situation.

"Since when do friends get good-night kisses? That's new to me."

"Well, friends with benefits do," Akane insisted, not one to give up easily. Ranma looked at her with a confused frown marring his features.

"Friends with what…?" he asked incredulously.

"Benefits," Akane repeated patiently, a dangerous glint in the eyes that held a hawk-like focus on his lips. Suddenly she shut forward, deceptively fast and with expert aim. She might have pulled it off too had Ranma not seen it coming from a mile away and ducked his head to the side.

"Damn!" Akane cursed half-heartedly as her attack failed the mark.

"Slowpoke!" Ranma quipped back, unable to suppress this basest of his instincts. They ended up in a contest with Akane trying to kiss and Ranma doing his best to avoid her. Something he was infuriatingly good at from the girl's perspective. Try as she might, there was no getting a hold on him with conventional means. That didn't say it was impossible.

As the boy avoided another one of Akane's re-enactments of an ancient Amazon courting ritual, otherwise known as glomping, the girl overshot her target and fell flat on her face. Ranma laughed at first at her misfortune but the mirthful expression quickly froze on his face as the girl on the ground didn't move and he saw something wet pool beneath her prone form.

"Akane?" he asked cautiously without gaining a response.

"Akane, are you OK?" he asked again, more urgently. Still, nothing from the girl.

Under any other circumstances, or more precisely with anyone but this specific girl, Ranma would have realized that something was fishy. That the fluid flowed too easily as if it was water. That the girl's breathing came too controlled, more like stifling laughter than anything else.

But it happened to be this specific girl lying on the ground and it happened that Ranma's mind was being bombarded with memories he'd happily live without.

A pale face, bravely smiling as the inherent life flickered like the lights of a sinking ship.

That ship going down in a sea of blood.

The mad cackle of a mother holding the smeared corpse of a baby, almost a foetus rather, the umbilical cord still attached and taunt in the air.

A sick snickering sound from beyond a doorway.

The absolute feeling of helplessness, unable to move, unable to scream.

Unable to avert his gaze as the light of his life extinguished, the strangely smiling face as white as porcelain and as meaningless as a Noh-mask.

An eternity spend lying like a corpse, looking at a corpse, until the limbs slowly started to move again. Her still form having long gone cold as he finally was able to drag her mutilated body into his embrace.

An eternity spent apologizing to her, again and again and...

SMACK!

The slap echoed through the otherwise quiet street like a gunshot. It brought Ranma back to reality as fast as any good thrashing would.

"Need… air…" he heard over the din of rushing blood and his wildly beating heart from somewhere between his chin and his chest. Without even wondering how she had managed to slap him like that from her disadvantageous position, Ranma softened his vice-like grip on the girl in his arms.

Panting heavily he looked at her, disoriented and still feeling the adrenaline course through his veins even as his heartbeat returned to a more healthy level.

"I'm definitely not trying that trick again." Akane mumbled as she got herself into a more comfortable position inside the circle of his arms. "Cross my heart and hope to… err…"

Mid-sentence she noticed Ranma's eyes go blank in expectation of the saying's usual phrasing.

"No one's gonna die on you," she assured him quickly as the light bulbs in her head started to fire on all cylinders. "Especially not me. Not now, not ever. I'll always be around. No matter what I have to do."

And that was the truth. She'd keep Ranma from having to make that kind of face ever again. It wasn't the kind of face you wanted to see on anyone you marginally cared for, let alone someone you actually loved. No matter what it might take. And right now what it took was resisting the urge to kiss him. He was perfectly in her reach for that. But with the wide-eyed and shaken expression it was obvious that the timing was hardly right.

"Everyone dies," she heard him mumble as his gaze dropped to the ground next to her.

"I won't," Akane insisted with a slight shake of her head. "As long as I have you around, I am a 100% certified Immortal. So if you're really worried about that, just stick with me, okay?"

Ranma still wasn't able to look at her, but his posture relaxed a little even as his frown intensified.

"Ya know I can't stay here forever. I already told that to ya," he reminded her with a bit more life in his voice.

"Well, in that case I probably have to go with you when you leave," Akane remarked as if going through her daily schedule at school. "Otherwise, how would you know that I'm still alive?"

That made Ranma finally look at her again. Or rather glare.

"Ya stubborn as a mule, has anyone ever told ya that?" he asked her in tone of voice that made clear what he expected the answer to be.

"And probably thick as a brick to boot. But who cares?" Akane replied with a shrug of her shoulders. She moved to get her feet under her and managed to get up more or less elegantly. By her estimate, now was about the perfect moment to end the evening on a favourable note.

"You know, I think we are making good progress. Me opening up to you. You opening up to me."

"Huh? Me opening …what?" Ranma stared up to her now standing figure, looking confused.

"Well, you did blabber a lot when you panicked. Let's leave it at that." With that Akane bend forward and placed a chaste kiss on the boy's forehead. "Good night Ranma. Sweet dreams and don't let the bed-bugs bite you."

Then she turned and walked inside the compound, waving over her shoulder as she vanished from sight.

…

Doctor Ono Tofu was lying in his bed. He was feeling pretty drowsy but still he tried to read that one sentence in the book for what might be the tenth time. He might as well just have turned off the light and closed his eyes but there was something unsatisfactory about not reading the chapter to the end. Or the paragraph at least.

So technically he was still awake when someone knocked on the door to his bedroom.

"Who is it?" he asked before his brain registered the fact that he was living alone in that apartment above his clinic. So by right, who could it be but a burglar? And on that note, what kind of burglar resorted to knocking on doors?

"It's me Doc. Ranma." He heard a voice from the other side. "Get dressed and meet me downstairs."

And that was all being said before the footsteps retreated from the door. The Doctor wondered briefly if he had actually heard what he had heard or if that was all part of a dream he was having. It wouldn't have been a first if he woke up the next morning with the lights still on and half a book imprinted on his face.

Another part of his mind was wondering how that boy Ranma could actually expect him to go along with that demand. It was night-time after all. Good people were actually trying to sleep. And even if he had been willing to be the boy's confidant that didn't mean service 24/7.

Grumbling he made his way downstairs to where Ranma was waiting in the examination room. The boy had a glass of that Hibiki Whisky in his hands while another one was sitting on the table.

"Grab a drink, ya gonna need it," Ranma told him in a troubled tone of voice that made Dr. Tofu forget about being irritated and start being worried.

"Did something happen with Akane?" the Doctor asked as that was the most probable cause for that particular boy to get into emotional extremes.

"Ya could say that," he got as a reply. Ranma took a swig of the potent liquid in his glass, shuddering as his body was not yet used to that kind of drink.

"Ya know," he began, his eyes on the amber liquid sloshing with every move of his fingers, "everything is just as I remember. Every street, every tree, every house an' even that shoddy backdoor of yours. That one really needs a new lock."

With that he looked up towards the Doctor, a worried frown on his face.

"Every person is also just as I remember. My mom, the Tendos, the guys at school. An' ya'self too..."

With that he let out a sigh and fell back into his seat like a sack of rice.

"Just Akane is… I don't know... she's nothing like she's supposed ta be. After the gig in the dojo she should hate my guts or something. An' not act like some heat seeking missile. Ever since yesterday she's got me in her sights an'... I just don't get it! It's unlike anything I remember about her. She's so _focused_ on me."

The good Doctor took a sip of his own glass, listening to the boy as the slow burn of the Whisky worked its way down his throat to heat up his body from the inside.

"Wasn't she like that when you were getting married?" he asked as he tried to get a picture of what kind of relationship Ranma remembered having had. "Most people are pretty lovey-dovey around the time they tie the knot."

The boy shook his head, a small smile on his lips as he checked on that memory with his mind's eye.

"Not us," he finally said drily. "We had that fucked up engagement over our heads for the longest time an' just wanted to get past that. We'd decided to stick together, that was more important than those papers they had us sign. But don't get me wrong, we got all lovey-dovey. Sometimes..."

By now his eyes were looking at a place far, far away. Whatever they saw there, it brought a soft smile to his lips.

"Well, maybe that's it then," the Doctor said, leaning back in his chair and rolling the glass in his hands absent-mindedly. "Maybe she's caught the fire without touching the soot."

"Nani?" Ranma exclaimed in confusion. "Come again?"

"Do you know about the interplay of Ki and emotions?" the Doctor asked in lieu of an explanation. "Great emotions can bring out great power in martial-artists. Well, in anyone basically. You know those stories about mothers lifting cars to save their children? It can happen. Same goes for Berserkers. They turn blind anger into something terrible. A powerful force emotions are. On the light side as well as on the dark. Beware of the dark… cough..."

Doctor Tofu shook his head, desperately trying to stop channelling Yoda. For once the Force (TM) was beside the point he tried to make.

"Anyway, what I wanted to say was that you and Akane, you're both martial-artists. So you both use your emotions as fuel one way or the other. And if you happen to have the same emotion for one another..." Ono Tofu put down his glass and scratched his head. He wasn't feeling like a Doctor at all with all those unknown factors and what-ifs. More like a young man with no love-live to speak of and a headache coming on strong.

"Let's say for argument's sake that you and the Akane that you remember had opened up to one another enough to get a feel for that kind of Ki between you. Now here you got the same Akane, well Ki-wise anyway. Only she doesn't come with all the emotional baggage her other 'Self' had collected over the years. So she's probably a lot more open. And suddenly she gets to feed off on all that emotion you got stashed away. Whether you know it or not. Can you imagine that?"

Could he imagine that? Ranma wondered if that was what had started on the roof of the school. Was his focus on her as she stood so tantalizingly close to him enough to … to what? Give her a Ki-high? Was that why she jumped from the roof without proper training? Was his own mind so filled with wishes to kiss her that it made her kiss him instead?

"Ya might get addicted from something like that, wouldn't ya?" he asked cautiously as the concept started to make sense to him. Not necessarily a nice kind of sense though. "If ya get a rush like that, ya'd come back for more, right? So it's probably not really about me at all. It's all just about the kick I'm giving her?"

"Well, I'm obviously no expert in that department," the Doctor remarked with a sad little chuckle. "But I believe for such a strong reaction there needs to be some serious compatibility between both participants in the first place. And concerning that kick Akane may or may not be getting from you, isn't that why people in general are putting so much stock in something as unpredictable as love? Despite all the possible heartbreak and jealousy and sleepless nights and… and…"

"… fogged up glasses?" Ranma supplied without any apparent sarcasm.

"Among other things," Ono Tofu admitted with a drawn out sigh.

Without another word both men raised their glasses in salute and emptied them in comfortable silence, each hanging after their own thoughts.

The object of their thoughts? Not too different.

They were sisters after all.

…

End Chapter 4


	5. Here's Kasumi

**Square 1/2**

Chapter 5: "Here's Kasumi (A.k.a. The kinky chapter)"

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

* * *

It doesn't matter if one is drunk or simply terminally tired. If the body wants to go home the feet will find their way even without direct orders. (*)

So it came to pass that somewhat later that fateful night a very tired and only slightly inebriated Ranma Saotome found himself standing in front of his home.

There was only one problem. The nameplate by the gate read "Tendo". And the window he stood under wasn't the one of his room.

On some level Ranma knew that he was in the wrong place and at the wrong time. There was a double entente there somewhere and he realized that, too. But right now he just didn't care.

It wasn't as if he had any intentions of making his presence known. He was completely content with staring at the window behind which he knew Akane was sleeping.

He could practically smell her. Well, smell was the wrong word but it came closest to the feeling he had standing close to where she was.

The doctor wasn't completely wrong in his assumption. Akane had never been just a face or a smell or a touch. Akane always had snuck her way into those corners of his mind that no one else even knew existed. There had been other girls in his life and most of them would have been so much easier to handle than that tomboy of his.

She had left so many wounds on and in him. And then she had healed so many of them, too.

How much of that garbage he had carried inside had his wife discarded and replaced? Was that even possible?

Ranma remembered that once both he and Akane had admitted that they actually did not mind spending the rest of their lives in holy matrimony, his temper had calmed down a bit. Hers, too, come to think of it.

Sure, there had been arguments. Bad ones, too. But the make-up afterwards… if that wasn't worth it then nothing was.

Ranma knew that the smile he sported as he gazed up to the window probably looked a bit unsavoury. He couldn't help it though.

"Eeeewww… NOW you're the very picture of a pervert..." the girl in the window remarked as she leaned on the sill. "I better go get some cold water. Just in case."

Ranma looked up to her, his eyes trying to focus so he could tell if she was real or just another one of those daydreams he was having at times when the memories took over.

"Hey, are you still awake down there?" he heard her ask as she looked on with just a hint of concern.

Yepp, she was real. Probably.

_"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?" _

Ranma suddenly heard a voice recite verses on a Kuno-ish level. To his surprise it seemed to be his own and on full automatic, too.

_"It is the east, and Juliet is the sun._  
_Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,_  
_Who is already sick and pale with grief,_  
_And none but fools do wear it; cast it off._  
_It is my lady, O, it is my love!"_

Ranma looked probably as confused as Akane as his little monologue came to an end. He had a faint memory that his wife had made him memorize these lines. To make up for that… play back then? No wait… they had performed their own play that night. When they were already done with school.

"You missed three lines," he heard Akane complain from above him. "Besides, don't you think it's kind of dangerous calling me your love? I mean, all things considered and how you want to keep your distance..."

"Not my fault!" Ranma grumbled in reply. "Who wanted me to learn that stuff anyway?"

Akane gave him a more serious look, taking in his bearing as well as his slightly slurred speech.

"Are you drunk?" she finally asked. Or rather concluded.

"Noooooooope," the boy beneath her insisted. "Just tired. Gotta go home now. Bye..."

With that he turned and started to walk away. Or would have if the tree behind him would have been immaterial.

"Ouwy..." he complained as he rubbed his nose. "Where did that come from?"

"Okay mister, stay right there. I'm coming down to get you." With that Akane prepared to close the window only to see her nightly visitor reach out his arms towards her, his face a mask of concentration.

"Ready when you are," she thought that she heard him say.

Akane just stared down at him in disbelief.

"You don't expect me to jump, do you?"

"U-huh!" Ranma replied, beckoning her with his outstretched arms as if he couldn't fathom what her problem was with that concept.

The concept.

Beckoning arms.

What was the problem again?

"Okay then," Akane exclaimed and jumped without further ado. By the time she realized that she only wore her pyjamas, Ranma had already caught her.

"Hey there," she heard him say as his face seemed to shed a red glow in the darkness of night.

"Hey there," she replied as her own face turned the colour of molten lava.

"So… to ya place or mine?" he asked her as if spending some quality time together would be the obvious next step. There was a lopsided smile on his face that made her very, very happy that she didn't have to stand on her own feet right now.

"Well," the girl said absent-mindedly as her consciousness slowly got side-tracked by the effects of his proximity. "My window _is_ already open."

"Okay," Akane heard with half an ear as her attention was completely on other body parts. She had a short impression of being afloat and not just from his sudden jump.

Then they were inside.

And as if his presence in her most sacred chambers and at night were some sort of carte blanche, she simply gave in to her impulses.

Oh boy did she ever give in to her impulses.

(*) In the case of one Ryoga Hibiki especially without direct orders.

…

No one has ever accused Ranma Saotome of being a morning person. He was able to rise early. In theory. But left to his own devices he was not unwilling to chase those Z's deep into the morning. So when his wife shook him by the shoulders to get him to wake up he was all too happy to just turn around and feign sleep.

"Ranma," he heard her whisper as she gently pushed his shoulder. "Wake up..."

He ignored her, his mind half adrift in dreamland and his body used to way harsher treatment.

"Ranmaaaa…!" she repeated, more urgently than before. And her push came harder too. "Come on, you can't be that deeply asleep?"

He knew from years of experience that there was no point in resisting her forever, so his brain prepared the long and slow boot process that would at one point lead to the state of being awake. As always, his body was way faster than his brain.

"Good morning tomboy," he mumbled as he turned around and worked his arms around his wife. "Had a good night?"

Whether it was the memory of last night or something else entirely, the woman in his arms suddenly froze up and turned a terminal shade of pink. It was kinda cute though. And was that a wig on her head? It made her look like a schoolgirl again.

Cosplay time? Kinky!

"What happened to ya hair?" he asked her drowsily as his hand combed through her long black mane. "Got hold of some dragon whiskers? This looks really real..."

"R..R..Ranma… There's something poking me… Down there..." he heard her stammer and for the life of him he couldn't tell why she would sound so nervous. Or was that part of the scenario? Oh well, even half-asleep Ranma was more than ready for a little naughty playing.

"Oh, ya mean this..?" he asked and moved his hips once to push his argument so to speak. "That's just me llliii-king what I see."

It was strange somehow but Akane almost seemed like she was close to… oooooh!

Wait a moment!

"Hey, need a hand with that?" Ranma asked innocently but with the most devious of smiles on his face. He had only just begun letting his hands wander down Akane's delicious body when she already pressed herself against him tightly.

Ranma recognized those shudders that wrecked her body. He had the time of his life learning how to cause them after all. Usually though it took a whole lot more of his attention to entice them.

"Well, that was quick," he mumbled. His hands stroked Akane's back as he held her gently. "Ya didn't happen to start without me, did ya?"

"...ggshlgmph!..." came Akane's muffled reply from where she pressed her face into his chest. Then she raised her head and looked at him, wide-eyed, sweaty, flushed and oh so beautiful.

"School!" she urged through clenched teeth. "We've got to go to school!"

Every waking morning there is a moment when the brain reaches a state of consciousness beyond the bare necessity. For some people it takes a shower or a jog or coffee. Some people just wake up like that. Whatever Ranma's poison happened to be, this was the moment his brain fired up.

"What school? We've been out of school for… School! Aw my god!"

Suddenly he was out of Akane's bed, out of her reach and basically trying to push his back through the wall.

"What did I do?" he all but shouted. "What did WE do…?! We didn't actually… ya know…?"

"Will you keep it down?" Akane growled as she jumped out of bed to clasp a hand over his mouth. "They'll hear you..."

"Akane? Is everything alright in there." came Kasumi's voice as if on cue.

"Sorry Kasumi, I just remembered that I forgot to prepare for a test. I'll keep it down for now."

"Oh, okay," came the reply from outside. "By the way, will Ranma join us at the breakfast table?"

That question caught Akane completely unprepared. And by the look on Ranma's face he didn't fare much better.

"I prepared an additional bento either way. So just come down when you're ready." Kasumi's further explanations didn't help making the situation any less awkward.

"We'll… come down in a couple of minutes. Just give us some time to get changed."

Akane listened as her older sister walked away before she turned her head back towards Ranma.

"Cold water?" she asked him.

Since her hand was still over his mouth he simply nodded.

…

Kasumi had been surprised when her youngest sister didn't come down for her usual morning practice. So she had gone up herself to check if Akane had simply overslept or was actually unwell. After all, two nights ago she had to be carried home by that new schoolmate of hers. So a little worrying was warranted.

No sooner had Kasumi opened the door wide enough to peek into the room that she heard her sister's voice grumble about how she needed more room and that the other person in the bed shouldn't hog all the covers for themselves.

That notion caused a bit of shock to the oldest daughter of the house. And that wasn't simply because of the implications of an additional occupant in her sister's bed.

If you spend your life close to one Akane Tendo there is one thing you quickly learn about sleeping arrangements. And that is that no one sleeps in that girl's bed. Or even remotely close to her. In case that there are more traditional arrangements for the night like futons on the floor.

It's not just the danger of the youngest Tendo girl throwing a fit because she mistook you for a boy if she woke up while still being half-asleep. It's especially the night itself while she's deeply asleep, throwing her fists and kicking her legs.

Is Akane Tendo a violent sleeper?

No.

Violent isn't a word lethal enough.

So Kasumi might be excused if the idea of someone spending the night in bed with her little sister surprised her less than the fact of that person actually sleeping peacefully next to her.

"...stupid Ranma..."

That sleepy, grumbled complaint actually explained a lot, even as it let the air right out of some of Kasumi's wilder fantasies. So it was that girl again. What were those two up to every night? One could only imagine. Oh, how one could imagine!

With a small smile and an expanding blush on her face Kasumi quietly closed the door and gave them a few more minutes. She'd wake them once breakfast was ready. But first a trip to the bathroom. And quick.

…

Three girls at the breakfast table, the patriarch as the one male present gracing the head.

So far this was a common sight when it came to a breakfast at the Tendo household.

The only difference today was that the middle daughter was still in the bath and next to Akane sat a redhead of a girl that went by the name of Ranma. Well, usually a redhead because of her hair, though today her face fitted that description too. So did Akane's for that matter.

The both of them could hardly look at one another without risking their faces to disintegrate in a volatile eruption of blood. Or at least a vein popping up.

Kasumi watched those two with a smile and a bit of a rueful expression on her face. Ah, the sweetest fruits grew in the forbidden gardens it seemed. How lovely! How youthful! How very very

ill-fated!

Soun Tendo read his papers, having only curtly greeted the newcomer before returning his attention to more important matters. After all, his daughter's girlfriends happened to be of no consequence to the future of the dojo, right? Besides, that particular girl seemed strangely cold in her cordial greeting. Nothing one could complain about as a host but Soun got the feeling that insisting on making her acquaintance past the base necessities would only lead to one kind of bother or another. And not being bothered was one of Soun Tendo's life principles.

So that was the situation in the living room when Nabiki finally made her way to the breakfast table. And froze in her tracks at what she saw.

"What are YOU doing here?"

That question was obviously directed at Ranma.

"Breakfast?" came the short reply from a momentary girl whose cheeks reminded of a hamster in fall.

"So now you got him to pick you up at home?" Nabiki asked incredulously, directing her ire at her youngest sibling. "You sure work fast."

"It's not like that," Akane replied with as much dignity as she could muster. With her recent memories still having a party in her emotional core that wasn't all that much, though. "It just got a little late last night and so we decided that SHE," Akane turned towards her left hand neighbour to make clear who her specific intonation was aiming at, "would sleep over here. That's all there was to it."

Nabiki looked at her as if she'd seen a sentient plant hover an articulated limb over a big red button labelled "End of Mankind".

"That's all there is to it? Seriously? You let..." she extended a trembling finger towards a certain case of easily mistakable gender, "…Ranma sleep in your room and _'that's all there is to it'_ is what you come up with? Where did h... she sleep in your room? You don't even have a spare futon!"

"Nabiki!"

The so addressed girl looked over to where that unexpected call to order had come from.

"Sit down, breakfast is getting cold," she heard Ranma continue matter-of-factly as he now had her attention. "It'd be a shame to let Kasumi-san's efforts go to waste."

The eldest Tendo girl took her eyes from her warring sisters and looked over to their guest. She gave the redhead a small smile of gratitude and was surprised to get it returned with a wink and an upturned corner of the mouth that only she would be able to see from their respective positions.

"Besides, ya bein' a free spirit yaself, aintcha Nabiki? If I spend the night in Akane's bed what's that to ya but a missed Kodak moment?"

Kasumi heard the girl continue with a certain forbidden satisfaction that came from probing along the edge of what was socially acceptable.

Forbidden satisfaction for that other girl. Not Kasumi. Never Kasumi. Of course.

But still, to the bathroom.

And quick!

Kasumi left the table unnoticed as all eyes were on Ranma's innocently smiling face. Soun's attention was soon back to his papers as he convinced himself that his ears must have picked up the wrong undertones and anyways, Akane still was a little girl, right?

That so called little girl gave the redhead next to her looks that alternated between red hot lava and burn-through-steel white hot. They also alternated between public murder and PDA on the breakfast table. It was good that Kasumi was out of the room. She probably would have had to run for the bathroom again.

There was nothing amorous in Nabiki's stare. Though there was a glint in her eyes. Like the glint you see on the edge of a knife in a dark alley. The kind of glint that's morse-code for 'here might be dragons'.

"Oh boy! Oh boy!" the infamous Ice-Queen of Furinkan high exclaimed in response as she made a show of sitting down for breakfast, her smile showing way too many teeth just for eating. "Two _girls_ cosily _sharing_ a bed. Oh I can only imagine the kind of _adorable_ pictures I could have taken had I only known of the visitor in our _father's_ _house_! I do feel oh so terrible for being left out. But seeing how you _engage_ yourself in _our_ family I'm sure you have already planned how to make it up to _me_."

It should be said that Nabiki Tendo was very good at reading people and interpreting their actions. Add to that her restless analytical mind, her knack for the amassing of information and a rather vague set of morals and you get a dangerous creature. A creature that can prowl modern society as high up in the food chain as the Tyrannosaurus rex did during its golden millennia.

Most people realize this very quickly. Sometimes due to intellect, sometimes due to the reptilian part of the brain that is tasked with survival.

So it is rather uncommon that someone would face Nabiki Tendo while in shark-mode and simply smile back.

Ranma did smile back. And it wasn't even one of those fake business smiles, the only ones she usually got outside of her family.

As has been said, Nabiki Tendo was very good at reading people and interpreting their actions. But the fact that Ranma seemed right at home beneath her most deadly stare threw her off the tracks like no riposte could.

"Fair's fair I guess," she heard him quip as he continued to stuff his female form with more of Kasumi's cooking. "Know what? How about we invite you over next time I come around. Bed's big enough for two, bed's big enough for three!"

…

"Gee, you didn't have to hit me that hard," Ranma complained and rubbed the back of his head as the both of them walked towards school.

"Oh yes, I did!" the girl walking two steps ahead of him insisted vehemently. "You offered our bed to my sister! As if it was some free-for-all! And then… and… then…"

"An' then… what?" the boy behind her inquired as her ability to finish sentences gave out under her emotional burden.

"And _then_ you actually dare to laugh at me when I got angry because of it!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"No I didn't!" the boy behind her insisted as he grabbed her arm and forced her not only to stop but to look his way. And it was only adding further oil to Akane's fire how he was still grinning from ear to ear in spite of his complaints about getting hit by her.

"YES! YOU! DID!" she assured him, punctuating each word with a poke of her finger that would have drilled holes through lesser men. For Ranma that was merely an incentive to grab a hold on her other wrist, too. He then continued to pin her against a nearby wall to avoid further accidents.

"I didn't laugh at you," he insisted again, intently looking at her as she was doing her best to look past him without appearing affected by his closeness. "I was just happy seeing ya get mad at me. I mean… it sounds stupid enough hearing me say that but… I was kinda worried that ya got stuck being all lovey-dovey, ya know? And I guess that I kinda missed ya getting into my face. 'Cause ya know…" Suddenly his voice dropped to hardly more than a hoarse whisper. "…ya sure are super-cute when ya like that… "

Akane didn't want to allow herself to be appeased by Ranma's little speech. It was hard though to not do a mental 180 turn and just jump him there and then. She needed something else to complain about, and quick.

"You shouldn't have invited Nabiki," she suddenly snapped as the next best complaint occurred to her. "She's my sister, for crying out loud! If that's your fetish then you… you…"

Suddenly Akane was at a loss for words. What could she tell him to do if that actually had been his intention?

Get lost?

Stay away from her?

Never show his face again?

None of that was what she wanted.

She wanted Ranma to stay, obviously. Also she wanted him for herself exclusively.

A married guy!

Basically, what she wanted had been impossible from the start. He had told her so, again and again.

If anything she, Akane, was the one pushing her way into someone else's bed. In a manner of speaking.

" 'kane?" she heard Ranma's voice call her, dragging her consciousness out of the loop it had descended into. Looking up at him she saw the concern in his expression. Somehow that didn't make things any better.

"Don't look at me!" she ordered him in a rough voice, averting her eyes and her face from his scrutiny. Not that this was enough to keep a Ranma Saotome from her case.

"Come on Akane, ya know I was just teasing her," he insisted, bending his head towards her in an attempt to re-establish eye contact. "I got no plans to make out with any of ya sisters. I got no plans to make out with anyone else. Period."

Akane still avoided his eyes, looking along the wall she found herself pressed against with real focus. She would have loved to enjoy the position she was in. So close, so intimate. But there was one big and foul tasting piece of bile in her throat that choked any enjoyment right out of her.

"You never planned making out with me either," she stated more than she accused him. "And look what happened..."

She could sense how his momentum came to a halt. She could feel more than she saw out of the corner of her eyes that his head lowered and his posture slumped. She could hear the deep, tired breath that escaped his lungs.

"Yeah, that..." she heard him mumble right next to her ear. "That's all my great plans going up in flames right there. And I was stupid enough to think I could hold it in for half a year..."

Ranma let out a low, humourless chuckle as if that had been the most idiotic idea ever conceived. He let go of Akane's wrists and for a moment she felt a surge of panic rise up inside. Her head snapped back towards him and her eyes were wide and searching for any sign that he might prepare to turn and run. What she found was an example as to why two physical objects can't occupy the same space at the same time.

"Ouch!" they both exclaimed as their heads collided.

"Whatcha do that for?" Ranma added as he leaned backwards just to be on the safe side.

Akane couldn't put together any form of audible response. Not even a whimper. Instead she stared at him with a painful expression, tears rimming her eyes and one hand on the wrist of the other. That last thing was a gesture easy to misinterpret.

"Did I hurt ya?" Ranma asked with concern, forgetting his aching head when he saw what looked like an attempt at pain relief. "I didn't grab too hard, did I?"

Akane looked at him, not understanding where that came from and how he could miss the by far more pressing infraction.

"Don't just let go of me!" she whimpered, unable to come up with a prouder reply. But having him there right in front of her and not being touched was somehow simply unbearable. "Don't let go…!"

Now it was Ranma's turn to do the wide-eyed, teary expression thing and he did, as always when Akane was in emotional turmoil like that.

"What about once I have to go away from here?" he couldn't help asking her through clenched teeth. "Ya know that day will come…"

Eyes downcast, the girl in front of him shook her head in reply.

"What if that means you're not gonna see your family again..?"

She didn't react to that as fast as to the last question. Akane raised her head and looked at him. Really looked at him. Her eyes searching him for signs of a jest, of exaggeration, and only finding sadness and remorse in the gaze he returned. He was serious. He did consider going away and never to return. Not to her. Not to his mother. Not to anyone.

Slowly, but with growing determination, Akane shook her head once again.

Ranma saw her do so, saw the expression on her face. He saw a determination in her eyes that rivalled his own.

"Okay," he sighed at last, resigning to a fate that for an all too short moment he had thought avoidable. "Plan B. We start training tonight. 'Cause ya really need ta toughen up if this is gonna work..."

…

Compared to the night and the morning, the day at school was uneventful. Ranma and Akane practically mowed through the morning crowd with more pressing matters on their mind than the question whether Tatewaki Kuno counted as a physical barrier. Which by the way he turned out not to. At least for those two.

Lunchtime they spent on the Western roof again, with Nabiki as a companion. Whether they liked to or not.

Not that there was much to spy on as the both of them hung after their respective thoughts. But at least from Nabiki's point of view it was very informative how they both compensated the respective loss of a hand for the task of feeding their bellies.

The loss of a hand was due to Akane's uneasy and listless expression that only ended when Ranma gave her hand a squeeze. Turns out Akane was as likely to return possession of Ranma's hand as Nabiki was likely to return Akane's clothes. That moment obviously marked the return of the girl's appetite, because her free hand instantly began unboxing her bento. Ranma obviously saw this as the 'GO' for a feeding challenge and started with his own box in a dizzying display of one-armed skill.

Even though the speed of his ingestion was appalling he did seem to enjoy every bite he took. Except for the tamagoyaki which happened to slip into Akane's bento. For a second Nabiki wondered about that because having seen him eat twice now she was pretty damn sure that Ranma Saotome was no choosy eater. Then she remembered how much Akane loved tamagoyaki.

'Nice move' she applauded the guy silently and reminded herself once more that she had to find his source of intel. Nabiki prided herself for her skill in information harvesting and this guy, that by outward appearance should be amongst the dumbest jocks ever, knew things about her family that no outside source should know. Plus he knew about Akane's habits. These were all things people usually came to her for. And they paid for any bit of intel.

But this time around Nabiki Tendo had not been compensated.

That meant this was as personal a grievance as her professional side would allow herself to feel.

Across from where she sat Ranma shot her a cautious glance as a sudden shiver ran down his spine. He knew that expression on her face and he knew that he was probably going to get into trouble with her because of it. Without really noticing he gave Akane's hand a squeeze. He noticed when she returned it, though. Ranma didn't turn to look at her. Feeling his own nervousness seep away, he simply continued to finish off his bento.

…

As far as it concerned school the day ended as uneventful as it had started. Ranma and Akane were out the gates at a speed that was usually reserved for missiles. Actually it was Akane that was for once in a hurry. She wanted to get to the dojo and start the necessary training Ranma had told her she needed. For two reasons.

Number one, she wanted to be able to stand by Ranma's side no matter what.

Number two, it was training. Real training. With someone who obviously knew a lot more about the art than she did and who was actually willing to share that knowledge, too.

What more incentive did she need?

Ranma practically had to reign her in forcibly as she almost made him fly like a kite in her hurry to get home. He told her that she should go on without him for now and that he would meet her later. Right now he had an appointment he could not miss. Would not miss. Because that would cost him a whole week. And no, she could not accompany him. Because of… reasons…

Akane was a little miffed at that bump in her road as was to be expected. But she accepted it. After Ranma had dragged her into a dark corner between houses and promised her to make up for it later. Well, maybe he had also given her a little advance. It was hard to tell in that dark spot between the buildings.

…

The clinic for "Acupuncture, Moxibustion and traditional Japanese Medicine", run by one Dr. Tofuk was an important part of the Furinkan neighbourhood of Nerima. And on any given day the waiting-room could reasonably be expected to be packed to the brim.

Except for a Wednesday afternoon. Nobody in their right mind went to Dr. Tofu's clinic on a Wednesday's afternoon. On Wednesday afternoons only two types of people went to the clinic. Suicidal masochists and the one's named Kasumi Tendo. And only one of those walked out again on their own two feet.

Ranma went to the clinic specifically because it was Wednesday in the afternoon. He was aware that there were two people to be found inside who happened to be stuck in a weird kind of deadlock and he was hell-bent on doing something about it. Even if that meant that his body might end up hell-bent, too.

…

"...and then there's this spot on the left side that feels a bit hard. Like a knot."

Kasumi was sitting in front of the doctor, detailing her small and bigger aches.

All in all this could have been an average examination like thousands occurred in the world every day. Only that Kasumi was sitting on the edge of Dr. Tofu's table. One of her shapely feet was resting in the centre of the same chair the doctor was sitting on. It not only made her skirt ride very, very high, it also brought her toes into contact with parts of the Doctor that hardly ever got female visitors.

Kasumi hands where busy pointing out several spots for the doctor to pay attention to beneath her partially opened blouse. Something any sane and healthy male would have loved to do, with or without any kind of medical training. Sadly enough, that with Kasumi right in front of his nose, among other body parts, Tofu Ono could be as healthy as can be.

Sane he was not.

His head was resting in his neck, little non-rhythmic chuckles making the froth in his mouth bubble. His hands fixed his arms to the chair like claws, digging deep into the leather to keep them from digging into something else. His own face most probably.

"Ya know, this might go better if ya came on to him a little less strong..." a voice from the door suddenly advised. A female voice by the sound of it.

With a shriek Kasumi jumped up from where she was sitting, holding her blouse closed with one hand as her other tried to push down her skirt. To her surprise she found Ranma standing behind her. In a nurse outfit. With a harisen(*) in hand.

"It's not what it looks like!" Kasumi was quick to exclaim. Though with the guilty expression on her face and the state of her dress she was hardly convincing. It looked like this was exactly what it looked like.

Ranma wasn't impressed one way or the other. Stepping forward he, or rather she, playfully tapped Kasumi on the head with the harisen.

"Stopp worrying about the small stuff, will ya?" the girl in the nurse outfit chided the girl in the dishevelled garment. "Besides, what did ya think ya could do with the doc in a state like that anyway, eh?"

With that she pointed her weapon of choice at the foaming mess on the chair.

Kasumi had the grace to blush an even deeper shade of red and stared at the ground like a kid with her hand still stuck in the cookie jar.

"He… he gets like that… sometimes..." she stammered as if that explained anything. "He always comes around after a while..."

"Does he now?" Ranma inquired with a smirk forming on her lips. "Well, let's see if we can't speed that process up a little."

With that he raised the harisen up high and, with great flair, smashed it squarely onto Dr. Tofu's head. The poor man lurched up in shock and confusion, then, following the laws of gravity, fell down again, sending his chair toppling backwards. Man and chair ended up on the ground in a graceless display. But at least the good doctor was responsive again. More or less anyway.

"Who? When? What…?" Looking at Ranma, recognition appeared in his eyes and he looked on in surprise. "Ranma?! What's with _that_ getup?"

"Ah, that just comes with the job of assisting a certain doctor."

"Say what?" Dr. Tofu asked confused. When exactly had he offered Ranma a job in the clinic? And why was Kasumiiiii… he he… Kasumiii hi hi hi hi...Kasum…. BAAM!

Rubbing his aching head the doctor glared up at the girl with the harisen at the ready.

"And how exactly does that count as assisting me anyway?" he asked her with as much dignity his current position allowed him to.

"Easy there doc," his new nurse cautioned. "Show some professionalism in front of your patient, will ya?"

"What patient? Oh … hey there… Kasumiii-hi-hi..."

Baam! Baam! Baaam! And BAAM!

Truly it took quite some mileage out of the harisen, but after a while Dr. Tofu was actually able to examine the musculature on Kasumi's back and shoulders as long as no one reminded him of the fact that the described aches were not uncommon on a woman with such a nice rack up front. It also helped that he wasn't able to see her face that way.

Carefully massaging certain points along her spine he asked her "how's this?"

Kasumi for her part had to resist the urge to purr her answer. The feeling of his big, strong hands on her skin felt so obscenely delightful. She could only imagine what it would be like if he reached those arms around her to do the same to her front.

"It… feels great..." she finally summarized with a sideward glance at Ranma. The redhead gave her an encouraging nod and a thumbs-up. It was strange how much that small approval counted for in her books all of a sudden.

"Okay, guess that sums it up for today" the part-time nurse stated, looking at the clock on the wall demonstratively. "And it's past five anyway. Guess someone's gonna start dinner sometime soon. So, let's slot down the next appointment for coming Wednesday, shall we? Same time, same place?"

"I'd like that," Kasumi agreed with closed eyes, unwilling to get distracted from the last of the doctor's ministrations.

Ono Tofu simply grunted his reply, too immersed in his work for a more detailed answer. Or maybe he was too focused on the object of his work. Or maybe too concentrated on staying coherent? Whatever the reason, he neither took his hands nor his eyes from Kasumi's back even for a second. Only when she rose to get dressed did he let his hands drop to his sides.

"I'll see you again next week," he told her back as he was either unwilling or unable to look up to where her face was.

Baam!

"Too little, too timid. Try again," Ranma chided while she wondered how much more the harisen could take. "Come on, find your inner romantic, doc."

"It is kind of hard to get into a romantic mood if you get hit on the head every couple of seconds!" the doctor shot back in a sudden and unexpected burst of anger. To his great confusion Ranma stared at him with wide eyes, only to immediately break out in a bout of laughter.

"Finally! Someone who gets it!" she coughed up between fits as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

The doctor kept staring at the girl drowning in her own laughter as he found himself sitting next to a, thankfully dressed, Kasumi.

"I… would like... a little romance..." he heard her say to no one in particular.

"I… guess that could be … nice..." he agreed on a general basis.

After that they sat in companionable silence next to one another until Ranma finally got her breath back.

(* harisen are those big folded paper fan-like clubs. Often used in Japanese Comedies.)

…

"So, that's what you're up to every Wednesday? Flirting with the doctor?" Ranma asked conversationally as she walked Kasumi home. The redhead had changed out of her nurse outfit into something more inconspicuous for the task.

"No, I… I… only go there for my… examinations..." Kasumi stammered helplessly, not used to be the object of teasing, no matter how friendly.

"Yeah right. That's exactly what it looked like on his table," Ranma quipped as she vividly remembered the scene that greeted her upon arrival in the clinic.

"That wasn't… that was just..." Kasumi desperately searched for words to describe what she had done and why. Not that she could explain what she didn't fully understand herself. Basically it had been something selfish and gratifying and so, so unlike her usual self. Maybe that was why her visits to the clinic always left her feeling this refreshed?

"Don't sweat it," Ranma interrupted her thoughts jovially. "After all ya both grown-ups an' what ya do in ya spare-time is nobody's business but ya own."

They walked for a while in silence, with Kasumi still fidgeting on occasion and Ranma watching her calmly.

"You're not going to tell them, are you?" the older girl suddenly addressed the elephant in the room.

"Who's 'they'? The family?" Ranma replied innocently, an impish smile on her lips. "Nope, not gonna tell 'em what ya do on Wednesdays. Like I said, that's ya free time an' ya own decision. Though I can only guess what Nabiki might pay for that kind of info. Ya know how she is..."

Kasumi groaned at that thought and was at the same time doubly thankful that Ranma had promised to keep silent about her peculiar guilty pleasures.

"I don't think ya doing anything bad anyway," the redhead continued, hands in the pockets of her trousers and with surprisingly un-feminine mannerism. "After all ya working 24/7. I don't think that one or two hours of fun a week are too much to ask for in exchange. Heck, if ya asked me ya selling yaself short. But it's not like anybody's bothering to ask me," she added with a grin directed at her companion.

"There's one thing ya better look out for though," the smaller girl continued, raising a finger to indicate the importance of her next words.

"Ya don't wanna go too hard on that poor sod. 'Cause he's gonna be useless like that for the things ya really want from him and if he breaks ya never gonna forgive yaself either."

"Oh…," Kasumi exclaimed, wringing her hands in front of her in a gesture of nervous concern. "Could he really… He's not going to break, is he?"

"Naaa, don't worry," Ranma assured her, striking the palm of his hand with what was left of his harisen. "I'll make sure that doesn't happen. Not before ya get the full use out of that guy anyway."

There was a broad, confident grin on the redhead's face and for some reason it made Kasumi feel so much better about the whole situation. For a while they walked in silence. But then, just a corner away from her home, Kasumi suddenly stopped with her eyebrows furrowed in deep thought.

"Do you love Akane?" she asked out of the blue. No accusation to her voice, only plain curiosity.

"Damn right I do," Ranma replied with hardly a moment of thought.

"How is that supposed to work? You know you're both, well..."

"Girls?" the redhead supplemented helpfully. She waited until Kasumi nodded in affirmation. Then she laughed, though it carried something of a bitter aftertaste.

"Well, guess it's time someone told ya after all. Gender is not the real problem in our relationship. Not even close..."

"Where have you been?" Akane called out as she broke off her kata and turned towards the door of the dojo. "I've waited like forev… Kasumi?"

The so addressed girl entered the room with the style and grace people have come to expect of her. Bowing appropriately. Smiling appropriately. Keeping the creases of her skirt straight. Behind her the expected redhead appeared with a bottle of water in hand and far less decorum altogether.

"Heya 'kane. Sorry I'm late. I kinda ran into… umph..." the new arrival's sentence got shot down by an Akane sized projectile hitting her squarely in the chest. They both fell onto the ground in a less than elegant heap. Neither of them seemed too concerned about it though.

"Hey there," Akane greeted with a flush on her cheeks and an almost visible desire to do things she would not dare to do in front of her sister.

"Hey there," Ranma replied while getting comfortable on the ground and under the other girl. "Long time no see."

"Too long if you ask me," the girl on top remarked, obviously starting to forget about their audience since her face stated to sink down at a tell-tale angle.

"Tzz, tzz," Ranma admonished, putting a finger on Akane's lips to prevent accidents from happening. "Work first, fun later. Besides, I promised Kasumi that I'd show her how my curse works. An' I figured ya wanted to be there when I did. Otherwise ya run into us at the worst possible moment anyway. The way my luck usually goes..."

"You… told her about it?" Akane asked with mild surprise. It had been obvious that at some point her eldest sister had to be informed in some way after all.

"Yeah well, it's not really a secret with everyone at school in the know and it seems unfair if Nabiki was let in on it and Kasumi wasn't."

"Guess that's true," Akane agreed and began getting up. Once standing she offered Ranma a hand and to her surprise the redhead actually accepted the assist. As soon as she was upright again that girl turned towards the audience of her upcoming demonstration.

"Exhibit number one. Instant hot water!" Ranma introduced with a flourish and the bottle of water in her outstretched hand. She opened the bottle and held it pressed between the palms of her hands as she bowed her head over it. Suddenly there was something like an almost palpable glow and wafts of steam rose from the bottleneck. As her head rose again she grinned at Kasumi's surprised expression.

"This is really useful if ya wanna make tea on the road. Among other things."

Then she handed the bottle to her freshly appointed assistant and struck a pose. One arm raised high and one on her hips.

"Exhibit number two. Instant hot guy!"

One second.

Two seconds.

Three seconds.

At the fourth second Ranma's smile started to get a little frozen and her eyes tried to bend sideways out of her head to see what kept the warm water from flowing. Suddenly she found herself swept up in a hug and a kiss. A kiss so passionate that Ranma almost missed the point when the water executed her change and made him grow in size. Something that made for a couple of very interesting frictions between him and Akane.

"What ya do that for?" he finally asked her without much anger as she finally let him regain his breath.

"Dunno," the suddenly smaller one of the pair replied. "Guess I just wanted to break your curse with a kiss."

"You're such a hopeless romantic," Ranma stated as he planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Romantic I may be, but I'm far from hopeless," Akane insisted and rose on the tips of her toes to make sure his kisses found a more appropriate mark. "I've got you after all."

"Go on, flatter me. See what that gets ya," Ranma muttered, his attention by now almost completely captivated by the girl in his arms. That was until an additional pair of hands patted down his shoulders and sides, probing his anatomy.

"How is that possible? You were a girl. And now you are a guy! A real guy!" Kasumi didn't sound too alarmed by that fact, more like terminally fascinated as she touched him here and there.

"It' all real, isn't it?" she continued and her wandering hands forced Ranma to jump a step backwards, hands protectively over his crotch.

"Yes! It's real! Really real, okay?!"

"But how? This isn't a trick, right? So how does it work?" Kasumi inquired, almost taking a step forward with outstretched hands before she caught herself. Also Akane stepped in her way with a defensive posture. That helped with the self-control.

"It's a curse he got in China," Akane explained while reaching behind herself, her hands searching to make contact with the boy in her back. He did her the favour to grab and hold them, reaching around her until they ended up in a reverse hug.

"Thanks to my old man we travelled to a training ground that's littered with springs of cursed water. They're each named after whatever drowned there." Ranma explained as he got comfortable in his new position.

"And obviously he fell into the spring where a girl once drowned," Akane continued.

"So now if ya drop cold water on me I turn into a girl."

"And if you use hot water he's a guy again."

"It's inconvenient as heck but ya get used to it."

"I don't think it's such a bad thing though..."

"Yeah, 'cause you got a dirty imagination..."

"Oi, you..!"

"Now I know! You're the boy with the engagement!" Kasumi interrupted the verbal foreplay. The one daddy kicked out of the dojo!"

"Errr...yes?" Ranma admitted as he tried to hide his sheepish expression in Akane's hair. "Guilty as charged I guess?"

"You can't be here! What if father see's you? He is going to throw another fit!"

"Don't sweat it." Ranma tried to calm Kasumi. "I just turn girl-side again. That way no one needs to get mad at no one. As long as Akane can keep her hands to herself that is..."

"Ah! Spoilsport!" the mentioned girl complained playfully. But still she led her roaming hand to more neutral places. And until Kasumi left them to prepare dinner they actually stayed there. Most of the time.

…

They actually got some training done. Ranma and Akane that is.

He had her demonstrate some of the katas she usually practised and then corrected her stance or timing where he thought it necessary. The things he could explain he explained and the things he couldn't he demonstrated. Once or twice those demonstrations came dangerously close to be too distracting to still be considered martial-arts but with an astounding feat of willpower they pulled through those moments.

Then there were other times though, times were Ranma would demonstrate something and Akane would get the timing right away. Then they'd go through the motions together in almost perfect sync. It was a feeling of intimacy unlike the physical contact they so loved exploring.

Dancing to the beat of their kata they turned into each other's shadow. Were one ended the other began. Were one spilled over the other one drank up. It was glorious and amazing and over in a heartbeat. But it had been there and they both knew it. Their mad grins were proof of that.

Then Kasumi announced dinner and they heeded her call.

…

"Are you sure you already have to leave?"

It was later that evening and the stars had come out in the sky. As much as they can come out in a city like Tokyo anyway.

Ranma and Akane sat on the porch side by side, looking out at the koi pond. Ranma was once more in his alternate form. Mostly to spare him from getting into trouble with Soun Tendo,

"Mom's gonna go ballistic if I'm missing another night," she told her companion, running her fingers absent-mindedly across the hand next to her.

"Yeah, that would be bad," Akane agreed with a sigh, sinking her back against the wooden wall behind her. "It's just… It feels weird. Without you."

Ranma turned to look at her, one eyebrow raised and a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Weird, huh? Ya sure got attached quickly in a few days."

Now it was Akane's turn to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You make it sound like it's all just me..." she scolded him, but not too harshly.

"It's not like that!" Ranma reacted in shock, afraid to have said something stupid again. He had that useless tendency and he knew it all too well. Grabbing her hand firmly he, or physically she, turned to face Akane eye to eye.

"I _am_ attached to you! An' I'm not just saying that..."

"I know, baka!" Akane assured him. Or rather her. She reached up her free hand to pull some wayward strands of unruly red hair back into place. While she was at it, her hand continued on towards the ear and then down to the cheek beneath.

"It's just… something _does_ feel off. You _know_ me. Ever since I met you it feels like I am some kind of open book to you. As if you had access to all of my secrets. And my worries. And all those things I'd rather forget and never have anyone know about. But how can that be if I only met you just now?"

Ranma was unable to do anything but stare into her eyes for a while. How the heck did she figure that out? He knew she had good intuition, but this was almost scary. Nabiki type scary. Nothing to hide type scary.

"I… never met ya before. In person that is." Ranma slowly began explaining. Her free hand covered Akane's and two of her fingers guided the girl's index finger to tap the redhead's temple. "But I had visions of ya up here. That's why I came to this place. To make sure you were real."

"Visions, huh?" Akane inquired, resting her hand flat on his cheek with the tip of her finger still on his temple. "Is that how you knew about the engagement too?"

Ranma didn't answer that except for a nod. It was enough for her to go on though.

"So I take it the engagement wasn't such a good thing?"

"Nope," Ranma agreed, this time with a shake of his head. "I… would argue about that for the longest time. You… well, rather we… would have hated it. That with our dads on our backs and everything. So it had to go..."

Akane continued to stare at him. Her eyes shone bright and clear like stars in the nightsky. Something had obviously just went 'click'.

"You were ready to cut your ties with me. You planned to walk away and never come back. Even though you very obviously have feelings for me too. And don't even try to deny that. You saw something bad happening to me if you stayed here, didn't you?"

The way Ranma looked at her. The way the redhead's eyes welled up and her mouth quivered. The way the pressure on Akane's hands increased said it all. There was no necessity for vocal confirmation, not when Ranma was so obviously close to tearing up.

Akane ripped her hands free and threw her arms around the smaller girl in front of her, holding tight until the fake girl gave up her token struggle and accepted the embrace.

"Tell me when you're ready, okay?"

"Okay..." Ranma replied, or rather sniffed from beneath her. But after a few moments she added "Ya got one thing wrong though..."

"And what's that?"

"Didn't know shit about love when I came here. I just saw some things in those visions. Didn't all make sense to me. How was anybody supposed to be so damn special..?"

"And now? Does it make a little more sense..?" Akane asked gently as she stroked the red hair in front of her face. The hair that suddenly rose to reveal a pair of steel-blue eyes boring into her.

"Yeah. Now I kinda understand why I was willing to do those things I was willing to do…" Ranma proclaimed with a quiet but steady voice. "…for my wife."

"Your _wife_?!" now it was time for Akane to come near the point of tearing up. And fast. "Why your wife?! Haven't we be talking about… about..."

"About you?" Ranma inquired, an unreadable expression on her suddenly all too calm face.

Akane could only nod, an ever growing lump occupying her throat and keeping her from voicing any opinion she might have. She could only watch helplessly as the redhead separated herself from the embrace and sat up straight in her lap. Then she felt two hands on her cheeks forcing her to look up at a set of blue eyes brimming with emotions.

"So clever and still so stupid," Akane heard herself get admonished amidst the snivelling sounds of her heartbreak.

"Do you really not get it? You _are_ Her! Baka!"

… …

End Chapter 5


	6. Here's (no) P-Chan

**Square 1/2**

Chapter 6: "Here's err... Who's P-Chan again?"

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

* * *

The next morning started out a little awkward as far as mornings go.

Okay, so it wasn't worse than yesterday when Ranma woke up and mistook Akane for his wife which, as it turned out, wasn't too far from the truth. If memory served him right that is.

One might argue that he was simply confused by the fact that he woke up in someone else's bed. One might argue that any hot blooded guy waking up in the arms of a certain Akane Tendo might disregard reality for the sake of continuing that fantastic dream he was having.

Anyway, this wasn't the same kind of morning.

This was the second morning when you run across that girl again in whose bed you woke up unexpectedly. Because she just came over, happy as can be, to pick you up for school.

This was the morning after explaining to her that before your mind's eye she had been your wife during the short time of your acquaintance.

And if that wasn't enough to make you sink so deep into the ground that the Earth's molten core burns your feet, then add a mother that greets the girl of your dreams as if she was part of the family already.

Even if Ranma had memories of those two being close as thieves, he was still basically a sixteen years old guy. There's certain rules for being that age and also male. Having your mother asks you whether a girl is nice twice in the same sentence and in the presence of the girl in question had to count as a mortal offense somewhere on this planet.

"Ya just had to go and feed her imagination, didn't ya?" Ranma complained in the direction of the girl accompanying him to school.

"Why? What did I do?" Akane asked innocently and leaned a little more into him as they walked down the street.

"_Oh Auntie! My mother died before she could give me proper bridal training!_" Ranma aped his companion in an exaggeratedly high voice. "_Do ya think ya could teach me how to properly cook? I'm soooo helpless in the kitchen..._"

"So?" the so accused girl asked without any show of remorse. "All of it is true, too. What about it?"

"She practically adopted you into the family. Next thing I know she'll plan the omiai."

"Oh no! An omiai! We can't have that!" Akane cried out in fake shock. Suddenly frowning she looked up at her companion. "Why can't we have that again?"

"Well, for starters, an omiai is a negotiation between two families to find out if an' how their kids are gonna marry," Ranma explained. "An' YOU an' ME is NOT negotiable. How's that for an answer?"

"Hmmmm..." Akane grunted as she nodded in appreciation. "Good one. I must have trained you well the last time around..."

Suddenly she found her forward momentum stopped as her companion stepped forward and turned to face her, effectively blocking her way. Looking up quizzically she was greeted by Ranma's smiling face.

"It's kinda funny," he remarked as his arms found their way around the girl now in front of him. "I've got so many memories about way easier topics blowing up in our faces. It's kinda nice… bein' able to just talk like this."

"Just talk..?" Akane asked in a suggestive voice as she seemed suddenly very interested in the lapels of Ranma's shirt.

"As if..." the boy replied and set out to prove that his mouth was good for other things, too.

…

Ranma and Akane made it to the school in time even with their extracurricular activities and the remainders of the Hentai Horde (TM) blocking the entrance.

Then again, The Horde could hardly be called a group by now, that with most of the members getting wise one way or the other. So getting past them was hardly taking up time at all.

Sure, Tatewaki Kuno still continued to act like nothing had changed in the status quo. The power of ignorance was strong with that one. But in terms of experience and skill Ranma was way past him at this point. And as far as Akane was concerned the little training she had received yesterday already helped her with applying her immense power at the spot she had actually been aiming for. This resulted in a new Furinkan record at Tatewaki hurling that bested the old mark by about 12 feet. This was impressive in its own right.

Apart from that school was relatively uneventful until Ranma suddenly left class unannounced mere minutes before lunch break. Once again the teacher did nothing to stop him and that caused some discontent, especially with the boys. They probably thought he was abusing his status to get to the lunch lady first. Takes one to know one and all that.

"_...so I just speak here..? Oooops..._" the PA speakers suddenly blared all over school. "_Okay, right... My name's Ranma. Saotome Ranma. _

_I've only been to this school for a week but I bet all of ya heard 'bout me. Ya know, the guy with the curse? Well, if ya didn't already then ya do now. _

_I just wanna make something clear 'cause I said something stupid the other day. Akane Tendo an' me are NOT just friend! We are dating and I do love her. I don't wanna do the Kuno here but I'm pretty damn sure she's feeling the same way about me. Hope that answers ya more urgent questions. For all the details ya know which other Tendo to consult 'cause ya seriously don't wanna bother Akane an' me about it. That being said have a nice lunch. Saotome Ranma out..._"

The lunch-bell rang mere moments later but over the cacophony of the students it almost went unheard.

…

"You know, you could have been a little more discreet about it," Akane complained towards Ranma as the two of them had lunch in their usual spot. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to get away from those people?"

"The Lady doth protest too much, methinks," Ranma commented between bites. "Besides, most of the problems in my life came from doing things half-arsed. Not gonna happen this time."

"O-ho... so you are going to take loving me serious? Is that what you're getting at?" Akane asked with a raised eyebrow and a slight smile as her chopsticks picked another morsel from the bento in her hands.

"Hey! I always loved you seriously! It's only going public that's new..." Ranma grunted and took another bite of his food. "So if I'm gonna tell people then I'm gonna tell all the people. That way I don't have ta repeat myself all the time."

"Why didn't you get a t-shirt printed while you were at it? With some slogan on it like 'Property of Ranma Saotome'?" Akane asked with not too much irritation, though still a little of it came through.

"Would you have worn it?" Ranma asked with a pensive expression on his face as if considering the option.

"Hell no!" came the instant and expected reply. "Not as long as you don't wear a 'Property of Akane Tendo' on your chest."

"No, you're right. I wouldn't wear that," Ranma agreed with a sigh. Then he pulled her a little closer so she couldn't miss the grin spreading all over his face. "Something like 'Property of Akane Saotome' though, I might even get a tattoo of that."

Akane's face went through all shades of red as she imagined all the places where a tattoo like this could, and should, be placed. Then she went back through the same spectrum all over again when she caught the surname he had used. She didn't miss though how Ranma's face came closer to capitalize on his suave move.

"Gimme a moment," she demanded a she stuffed a riceball between his puckered lips. Then she took a couple of really deep breaths to steady herself. Finally, as Akane had calmed enough to think coherently again she smiled at Ranma in such a way that he stopped looking victorious and began looking a bit alarmed instead.

"A tattoo sounds about right," she told him with a finality he remembered as inescapable. "Something that sticks to both your forms, and water can't wash it off. I think I'll like that."

Then her smile changed to something infinitely softer and at that moment Ranma would have been okay with about anything. It was one of those smiles.

"Now open wide," he barely registered her saying. "You still got your dessert coming."

Turning sideways on his lap where she had been sitting all along, Akane placed the last morsel between his teeth.

"This really looks good," she told him as her gaze kept him transfixed. "Can I have some of it, too?"

Without waiting for his answer she leaned forward to snag a bite. It was a dried plum but filled with a piece of chocolate of some kind.

It tasted great.

Ranma, of course, tasted even better.

…

The happy couple made it through the day mostly unharmed by the curiosity of their schoolmates when Fate (*) decided that things had gone smoothly for long enough.

Ranma noticed the tingling of his danger sense just in time to grab Akane and jump to the side. Mid-motion he heard the familiar call of "Ranma! Prepare to die!" and then the ground where he had stood a millisecond earlier became terraformed into a crater by a guy with an umbrella.

"Damn ya, Ryoga! Watch where ya aiming!" He chided the newcomer as if redecorating the landscape was not the remarkable part of that intro. "I wasn't alone ya stupid pig!"

"I see," the guy now identified as Ryoga shot back without any apparent sign of remorse. "Hiding behind your girlfriend like the coward you are! But why should I be surprised after you ran out of our last duel..."

He directed a very demeaning grin towards Ranma, exposing a set of impressive fangs for a human. Actually, with his even more impressive physique and his wild looks and that tiger-stripe decoration the people gathering around them at least hoped he was human and not some oni in disguise. Though wouldn't that be great for a show if it were true?

Ranma for his part didn't take the offered bait. He did glare back at the guy but there was another, more pressing reason for his agitation.

"Listen kiddo, ya little game of vengeance is all nice and fun but if ya _ever_ do _anything_ again that might hurt Akane," with that he pulled the girl he still had one arm around a little closer to make sure even the dumbest jock understood who it was he was acting so protective of, "then I'm gonna take that stupid umbrella of ya, stuff it up ya rear an' open it up all the way. Have I made myself clear?"

There was a silence coming over the school yard as people were either too shocked about the promised punishment or too busy picturing it and failing miserably in terms of anatomical correctness. That Ryoga guy seemed to be amongst the later.

"You...you...pervert!" he suddenly screamed in a voice that could have made a wild bear cringe and duck for cover. Then he did what he was used to do when his reasoning failed him. He charged forward blindly.

Ranma had no choice. There were people around that could easily get hurt by the fallout of Ryoga's rage. And with Akane next to him he didn't have too much room to move anyway if he wanted to protect her. So he braced himself to face the attack head-on. Not necessarily the best way to deal with that particular guy but what were the options?

Maybe he should have given more thought about who exactly he was trying to protect. In that case he might have noticed that Akane's notorious temper had started to flex its mighty muscles, happy to get some screen-time again.

Without warning Akane whirled past Ranma, her skirt riding dangerously high as one foot came up and planted itself firmly into the charging Ryoga's lower stomach. Her upper torso turned to let the outstretched arm with the umbrella pass by her head harmlessly. Her blazing eyes burned holes through the attacker's suddenly very close skull, ignorant of the fact that he looked as if he was about to puke.

"If you try something cowardly like that little stunt ever again," she hissed in a voice as even as a freshly sharpened blade, "then I am not going to be as nice as Ranma about it. Have I also made myself clear?"

Lacking air and the general capacity to process what had just happened, all Ryoga could do was nod. Either content with the answer or simply not caring what his opinion on the topic was, Akane turned away and back towards Ranma.

"Let's go home," she told him and reached up to reattach his jaw to the remainder of his face. She didn't wait for his answer either, grabbing her bag and setting out towards the school gate.

"Coming," Ranma called after her as he too grabbed his bag and watched Ryoga crumble into a whimpering heap on the ground.

Damn it, things really didn't turn out as he remembered. Though that didn't stop a broad grin from developing on his face.

(* Yeah, that's me, the author)

…

"I think ya can drop the act now," Ranma commented as he and Akane turned into a side street.

"I don't know what you are talking about," the girl by his side answered without even looking at him.

"I'm talking about ya foot," he informed her. "By now it has to hurt like hell. Doesn't it?"

Akane didn't answer to that but she stopped walking, her head bowed.

"Can I have a look at it?" Ranma continued cautiously as he came to a stop next to her. "There's a bench over there. Let's sit down, okay?"

Again, the girl didn't comment but she followed him anyway. Sitting down with her head still down she let him examine her aching ankle. As his hands gentle prodded her skin and muscles she couldn't hold back a whimpering sound from deep within.

Ranma looked up at her, worried that he had touched the wrong spot in the wrong way. Witnessing the tears in her eyes he was almost convinced that he must have. But the girl proved him wrong.

"Why does it hurt anyway?" she asked him in a mix of frustration and pain. "I know my posture was perfect. And I'm sure I didn't sprain anything. It even didn't hurt at first."

"Well, yeah, probably 'cause ya have been drunk on adrenaline. Ya.." Ranma coughed, straightening his speech patterns as to not slur the explanation he was giving. "YOU used your ki again, you know? Otherwise Ryoga would have shrugged off even a kick like that. Honestly, I don't know what that guy is made of. Probably steel coated rocks or something. So anyway, your body isn't used to employ ki that way. That's one of the things we got to look out for in your training."

"Will it get better?" Akane asked in a small voice, her eyes focused on a distant point deep past the floor.

"Sure it will. Just some exercises in ki control and maybe some good old endurance training an' ya muscles won't feel like exploding every time ya pull a stunt like that."

"That's not what I meant," Akane told him with a sigh. Her hands sought out his face and forced him to look at her again. "You said there will be all kinds of people showing up. Will they all try to kill you? Just... just jump you from behind like that and try to... to..." She sighed again, a helpless little sound coming from her.

"It's probably not gonna help if I tell ya that he is one of the harmless ones?" Ranma probed as he looked up with an apologetic smile. "The two of you had actually been pretty close friends the last time around. Got me jealous once or twice."

"Me and that mugger?"

"He's got redeeming qualities too," he assured her. Then his smile widened to the point that Akane started to get a little worried about his mental state.

"Ya know, I think things already are better," Ranma continued as his grin started to grow past the physically possible. "An' I'm pretty sure ya know why..."

"This is better?" Akane asked him in return, a frown on her otherwise relaxing face. "How bad exactly had things been the last time around?"

"Well, for one thing I didn't have ya for a bodyguard."

"Me? A bodyguard?"

Akane looked at the face she still held between her hands as if it was a crystal ball, trying to see in Ranma what he saw in her.

"How close exactly would I have to stay to guard that body of yours?" she finally inquired with a smile stealing across her face.

"How close exactly do ya dare..?" he asked her in return. Judging by his never diminishing smile there was a high probability that he had an accurate estimate as to her answer.

By the way, her foot turned out fine.

Just in case somebody was still wondering about that.

…

"Damn you Ranma! Damn you and damn that girl!"

For once Ryoga didn't exactly scream to the heavens. It was more a kind of heated mumbling. All the more reason for people to give him a wide berth.

At least they did so until he found a nice secluded spot to put up camp and continue his rant in seclusion. He was just about done with his tent when the voice of a young woman addressed him from behind.

"Can I help you sir?" she asked in a polite voice that sounded as if finding people camping in her backyard was something that happened on a regular basis. Looking up at her Ryoga wondered what such a housewife type was doing out here in the wilds. Then he noticed the basket full of clothes in her hand and the clothesline next to her. And also over his head.

"Oooooooops..!" he commented lamely. "I guess that means I'm not in Kansai anymore."

…

"The doc said that the foot is fine," Akane complained as she and Ranma made their way towards the Tendo residence.

"Yeah," Ranma agreed with her, "but he also said that ya should go easy on it."

"Exactly! He said 'go'," the girl explicated. "He did not tell us to call a cab. And he has especially not mentioned anything about piggyback rides."

"Does that constitute as a complaint?" the piggy whose back she rode inquired amiably.

"Noooo..." Akane clarified as she secured her grip around his shoulders. Or rather her shoulders. Ranma's hair was red again, complete with the other usual changes that involved.

"I was just wondering if you're tired or something," she continued and got even more comfortable on the smaller girls back.

"Girl, I know I've complained about ya figure once or twice in the past, or the future or... ah forget it." Ranma sighed and gave up on explaining his special brand of time space continuum. "Point is ya not heavy an' I'm not getting tired of you. So there..."

"Well, okay then," Akane chimed happily and used her legs to spur him on as one would with a horse. "Giddy up buttercup! Towards home!"

…

As the pair made it back to their destination they were presented with a rather unusual surprise. Seated at the living-room table they found none other than Ryoga Hibiki in the flesh. He was just about to be served tea by Kasumi. He was for once smiling politely and not remotely as threatening-looking as he had been at school.

Akane still tensed the second she saw him and it took Ranma's quick intervention to keep her from causing a scene.

"Look who the pig dragged in," the redhead commented as she stepped between her companion and the unexpected guest. "I'd ask how ya found this place if I thought for a moment that ya had a clue ya'self."

Ryoga turned around, square-eyed from the strange address by an unknown girl.

"Excuse me ma'am, do I know you?" he asked with confusion plain on his face.

Ranma was just about explaining why he shouldn't be 'ma'am'-ed when Ryoga notice the other girl on slow boil behind the one acting so strangely familiar.

"Ack! You! What are you doing here?" he exclaimed as he jumped up to point a finger at Akane. And almost bowled Kasumi over in that process. Luckily that girl managed to sidestep elegantly, saving herself and the tea she carried from accident.

"Well, excuse me for living here," Akane shot back with an animosity that surprised her older sister. "Which by the way _you_ do not! So what are you doing here? Planning to assault Ranma again?"

"I was not assaulting Ranma!" Ryoga protested with about the same amount of heat. "And even if I did then he deserved it a thousand times over! I went through hell because of him!"

"If ya went through hell then blame ya miserable sense of direction for it!" the redhead injected as she stepped between the two quarrelling teens once more. "I'm pretty sure I didn't push ya in any spring this time around!"

"Nani?" Ryoga exclaimed in confusion, his eyes darting between the two girls. "What are you talking about ma'am? What springs? And how do you know about my sense of direction..?"

"Listen here _mister_, its only cute for so lo… Oh!"

The 'Oh' highlighted the moment when Ranma realized that Ryoga had in fact no idea who he was talking to. And how could he without proper introduction to the curse?

"Lucky guess?" the only true Jusenkyo expert in the room finished with a lame-sounding chuckle. But then her expression brightened again and a mischievous sheen filled her eyes as she fluttered them at Ryoga to that guy's and Akane's big surprise.

"Come to think of it, ya have to be tired from that long, long time on the road. How about a nice hot bath? Maybe a backrub while we're at it?" Ranma did her best 'come hither' expression and approached the indeed road-weary boy with what she figured as a seductive walk. She was so amused by Ryoga's furiously blushing expression and her own play that the heat burning her back almost registered too late.

"RrrAaanmaaaAA..!"

Had the furo of the Tendos bathroom been cold, Akane in her current state could have made that water boil just by stepping into it. Such was the heat of her fury at that moment. Turning around in shock at her sudden reaction, Ranma made warding gestures at the demon-like creature he faced.

Behind him, Ryoga looked left and right in his confusion.

"Ranma?! Where's Ranma?!" he demanded unheard. The actual person the lost boy so desperately wanted to meet, greet and finish off had other problems. Mainly the fact that Akane, besides looking inclined to help Ryoga finish his job, had tears in her eyes. Tears of rage, true enough, but tears nonetheless.

"Akane?" the redhead asked cautiously, taking a willing step towards her own impending doom, "ya know I'm just clowning, right?"

"No I don't," the furious girl shouted back at her. "I do not know that you are just 'clowning'! All I see is some hussy acting like a total whore! Why do you do that to me..?!"

"A..Akane?" Kasumi added her five cent in a shaken voice. "You can't… We…we have guests…"

"I DON'T CARE..!" the girl screeched back towards her older sister. Something must have registered with her, though. Like the fact that there is usually no legitimate reason to scream at someone like Kasumi. Her suddenly pale expression attested to that. As did her sudden escape from the room and out of the house.

The three remaining inhabitants of the living room stood in wide-eyed silence for a moment. Until Ranma told Kasumi "Sorry, that's all my fault!" and bolted after the fleeing girl. Ryoga stared after the redhead's vanishing booty for a moment until it was gone and then turned to the last girl left in the room.

"I still don't get it," he admitted. "Where IS Ranma?"

Kasumi tried her best to get her habitual smile going again.

…

Akane ran until her lungs burned and her whole body started feeling like it was made out of molten lead. Burning and heavy and ready to crash to the ground the second her willpower faltered. Every step, every swing of her arms send flashes across her vision. She knew she would pay for this abuse, and pay dearly but she didn't care. Anything to get away from that house, from that situation. From Ranma.

Why? Why did he have to come on to Ryoga like that? He was a guy for crying out loud! No matter what his anatomy looked like. The idiot could hold himself back when it came to her and the first guy that tries to kill him and he's in heat? What was that? A special kind of masochism? A special kind of torture just for her?

If that was the case then he had really done his homework. Akane hurt. And she hurt worse than she had ever felt in her life. Her whole body was one big blob of pain with her heart at the centre.

…

Ranma didn't need long too long to catch up with Akane. He had her in his sights after a moment or two. He had caught up to her after a few minutes. But what then?

He followed her around, torn between throwing her to the ground to force her to come to her senses and throwing himself on the ground before her and beg for her forgiveness. Only she'd probably just vault over him if he did that and simply keep on running.

As he followed after her something else caught his attention. Her body had a subtle glow about it. At first he couldn't place it and thought his eyes played tricks on him. But then something clicked and he started cursing, a sudden burst of speed propelling him forward towards to go with plan number one.

…

He was behind her. She knew it even before he tackled her to the ground. They fell down in a heap but somehow he grabbed her in such a way that she stayed on top as their trajectory send them down the slope by the channel. They slid and slid until that slope evened out again and their momentum died.

"Let go of me," Akane demanded feebly, unable to look at her captor but too worn out to put up more than a token of resistance.

"No," Ranma declared, his intentions simple and straightforward.

"I said let-me-go!" the girl insisted, mustering the last of her strength to push away from him and break his grip. She might have had more luck breaking steel bars than that.

"I can't let go of you," he insisted. "You'd just keep bleeding out."

"I'm not even hurt," Akane insisted, wanting so desperately to prove him wrong that she almost forgot the pain all over her body.

"Sure you are," Ranma replied deceptively calm. "Ya body is aching like hell. It's like the foot earlier only it's everywhere now. If you keep moving ya ki will bleed out an' it's gonna be bad. Real bad..."

"How bad?" Akane asked, not willing to believe him but unable to deny the pain she was experiencing.

"So bad ya wish it only hurt as much as it does now," came his reply. He reached up a hand without loosening his hold and gently started to massage her neck.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her ear. "I'm so, so sorry. I thought Ryoga would go down with a nosebleed like usual an' we'd have a good laugh an' instead..." He let out a drawn out sigh, nesting Akane's slightly less resistant form deeper into his embrace. "I know I was an asshole. Tell me I can make it up to you somehow. Please?"

Akane fully deflated, the last of her strength left her and took the last of her resistance for the ride. Ranmas gentle caress helped alleviate some of the pain and his simple presence soothed her aching body.

"Get that tattoo," she finally sniffed into his ear. "I want to make sure that people know who they're messing with if they try to get you naked..."

"If that's what it takes," Ranma agreed after a short pause. "Just tell me where you want me to place it."

"I'm not sure," Akane replied, her head slowly coming up for the first time. Her face was a mess, tear-streaked and with swollen eyes. But there was also the tiniest hint of a possible smile. "Maybe here?"

One of her hands came up and she traced a finger over his chest. Then she slowly let it wander down towards his bellybutton.

"Maybe here?" she continued more boldly. "Or maybe …huh? How comes you're a guy again anyway?"

"Ran into a tea vendor. Literally," Ranma replied through clenched teeth. He only wished that Akane would stop teasing him where she was teasing him right now. Then again he knew that he had no say in it for the moment as he had factually signed himself over to her.

Oh scratch that. He was hers. Simple as that. To do with as she damn well pleased. And they both knew it.

…

"I wonder if Ryoga is still there."

Ranma and Akane had begun to make their way back towards the house after the girl had mostly recovered. And the occasional pedestrian had started to comment on them lounging like that in public. It was just as well that their stomachs had started to exchange little niceties in grumbling sounds. That brought to mind Kasumi and her cooking which in turn brought to mind the surprise-guest she had served tea earlier.

"Well I hope he's gone by now," Akane commented with a hint of 'or else' in her voice. "How did he find you anyway?"

Ranma answered the question with a good natured chuckle.

"He didn't. Ryoga just got the talent to show up at all the wrong places at the wrong time. But give him three days to go from his own home half a mile down the main road to meet up for a duel and he blows it. Worst sense of direction ever!"

"So that's why he's mad at you? Because _he_ didn't make it to your duel? And then he goes and hunts for you?"

"Yep, all the way to China. He popped up in Jusenkyo right after I got the curse," Ranma blink and looked at the girl by his side, feeling the renewed gathering of her ki. He put a hand on her back a gently stroke her in small circular motions. "Easy there, no point getting mad about that stuff."

Akane was as irritated as she was intrigued. She didn't necessarily see tenacity as a character flaw in itself. Justice needed tenacity to win in the long run. She knew that. But this was Kuno level tenacity. Free of justice or common sense.

"What was so important that he'd travel to the ends of the world to get revenge for it?" she asked in a last ditch effort to understand the motive, if not the culprit.

"Ach, you wouldn't understand. It's a guy thing..." Ranma answered evasively, but with a wide grin on his face.

Akane smiled right back at him but with a lot more teeth showing.

"Well, then why don't you enlighten a clueless little female what makes the other half of humanity tick?"

It was worded as a question but the memories of years of Nabiki exposure had opened Ranma to the idea of veiled threats. So with a sigh that was not all that serious he told her the reason why he and Ryoga had arranged a duel in the first place.

Akane spent the rest of the way home laughing.

…

Back home the pair was greeted by Nabiki at the door. Leaning in the frame she watched them approach with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"You sure that you want to go in looking like that?" she questioned Ranma, indicating his lack of thermal induced gender change. The boy thus addressed looked at her blankly for a second before he obviously got the hint. Instead of answering her directly though he directed a questioning gaze at the girl next to him. She returned the gaze with a slight frown that slowly turned into an expression of determination. An expression he mirrored.

"It's okay," he finally answered. "I gotta have to talk with my future father-in-law anyway. Might make for an interesting evening though. Wanna grab the camera first?"

The last part was obviously directed at Nabiki who didn't take the bait and instead raised her eyebrows to previously unreached levels.

"Let me get this straight. On the fourth day you're already talking about 'in-laws'?" She asked with hardly veiled sarcasm. "When can we expect to hear the pitter-patter of little feet?"

But Nabiki wasn't the only one unwilling to be baited.

"What do you say?" Ranma asked the girl next to him again as if he'd check about her schedule. "School first?"

"Guess so," Akane agreed equally unimpressed. But then she stepped sideways, pressing herself against him.

"That doesn't mean we can't practice though," she purred as she looked up to him in what she hoped was a coquettish fashion.

An expression formed on Ranma's face that was a strange mix of trepidation and excitement. Excitement won in the end.

"Go on, don't mind me," Nabiki commented from her perch. "Though I think I really might need the camera in the end."

…

There was laughter in the house. Two men telling tall stories over Kasumi's delicious food. Stories about places visited and people met. About embarrassing accidents and narrow escapes. About challenges faced and fights won.

Due to his age Soun Tendo had a couple more of that yarn to spin than Ryoga Hibiki. But considering his young age the boy had been to quite a few exotic places himself. Admittedly not always due to his own volition but still, the boy obviously gained more mileage per year than Santa Claus.

Ryoga was every bit the son Soun never had.

Strong, polite and willing to believe every word a person he considered worthy of respect told him. And boy did Soun Tendo appear to be worthy of respect in his eyes. He had offered Ryoga, a complete stranger, fine food, a bed for the night and companionship.

Well, two out of three were thanks to Kasumi's hard work, but let's not be smartasses.

Then again, the sheen of a wise master was something that Soun had polished to perfection. So if Ryoga was too distracted to notice small details, like who to thank for what, this might be attributed to the awe-inspiring father figure in front of him.

Kasumi didn't mind this anyway. It had been a while since her father had been so lively and she actually liked serving the food she had toiled over in the kitchen to a thankful crowd. Maybe she already had a hunch that things might turn out this way when she invited that strange boy into her home. After the troubles of last week her father had deserved a little entertainment. And a sympathetic ear to listen to his stories just did the trick.

The gods knew that the three sisters themselves had not really been in the mood for listening to their father as of late. Kasumi herself was feeling her spirit rise under the lively atmosphere and found herself humming on her way to and from the kitchen. It was a nice turn of events after the strange and unnecessary drama from earlier that day.

Concerning her little sister Kasumi was of course somewhat worried after her hasty departure. But Ranma had bolted right after her and somehow that made it seem alright. No matter how freakish the curse of that poor boy might seem he, in either form, would never let anything bad happen to Akane. It was easy to see the bond between those two. And it was surprisingly hard not to feel a little jealous about how easy and quick they had slipped into a form of symbiosis that should by all rights take years to form. If it ever happened.

Most people did not get nearly as lucky. Oh well, most learned to make do with what they got. And honestly, thanks again to Ranma, Kasumi was feeling a little more positive about her own chances at happiness.

Six more days until next Wednesday.

Time really does stand still once you can't wait.

…

Nabiki went upstairs as soon as the trio entered the house. Probably to get her camera. Maybe to also get a Hazmat suite or some other protective gear. Depending on what was in Akane's dresser most likely.

There were more than enough reasons for wearing protective gear if Ranma actually made good on his promise to talk to her father. Nabiki liked free entertainment like the next girl but she also liked being well prepared and leaving in one piece once the show was over.

Considering Soun Tendo's opinion of Ranma that course of action was certainly a wise one. And that was not even taking the current houseguest's reaction into account. Nabiki had naturally heard of what happened at school and it didn't take much skill at math to add the visitor to the assailant and once again come up with one.

Ryoga Hibiki sure had a tendency for aggression and a less than friendly attitude towards Akane's love interest. Oh well, the girl had certainly managed to deal with that encounter on her own terms. Violently?

For sure!

But her own terms nonetheless.

Not that she'd ever tell her this, but Nabiki was actually a bit proud of her little sister.

…

Being a good entertainer, Soun Tendo offered his guest a cup of sake for the third time now. The boy had refused the drink every time but the Tendo patriarch was nothing if not persistent in his hospitality. And seriously, drinking alone is only half the fun. There he was, one hand reaching out towards his hesitant guest, one hand holding the large bottle of sake when the bright light of a camera's flash painted the room in stark contrasts.

"Unbelievable," a voice proclaimed from the general direction of the doorway. "Here I got more than enough material to tie a noose around ya neck an' ya still give me more rope Mr. Tendo. Ya realize the other guys in the town council won't like headlines like 'Councilman gets minors drunk'?"

Slowly the eyes of Soun and Ryoga returned to working condition and they saw three silhouettes standing where the voice had come from. One of them handed something to one of the others, probably the camera.

"Whatever are you talking about?" Soun Tendo half-laughed, half-demanded in the general direction of the unfamiliar voice. A drop of sweat prominently featured on his face.

His inquiry got drowned out by Ryoga's angry scream. The boy had not needed his eyes to recognise his nemesis.

"Rrrranmaaaa!" he growled in a thunderous volume that made the whole table vibrate in response. "Don't you dare to drag Tendo-Sensei's name in the mud!"

"Don't have to, Hibiki," came the unimpressed answer from the door. "He already did everything in his power to make sure his name's worth less than the paper it's written on."

"You! It's that boy from the dojo again!" Soun shouted as he added the name Ranma to the disrespectful speech and came up with a face to match. "Did I not tell you that you are not welcome in my home? Begone! And never come back again! Or by the gods I will have to teach you respect for your betters!"

He rose from the table, every inch the picture of an angry master of the arts. Righteous fury lighted in his eyes and his battle-aura made his long hair sway in an imaginative wind. The man actually looked quite impressive.

"_Your_ home? Ya sure?" Ranma's face was now fully recognisable by the two men at the table and the smile on his face was disconcerting to say the least. "Can't imagine ya wanna discuss the fine print of that tenancy agreement with the girls in the room..."

The anger turned to panic.

The menacing aura gone with a snap of a finger.

Soun Tendo suddenly found himself in his third most used pose. He made warding gestures and big-sweated again.

"What fine print? I don't even know what you might be talking about… ehehehe..." he placated unconvincingly after that sudden change in climate. Unconvincingly to anybody but Ryoga Hibiki obviously.

"Ranmaaa!" the boy growled again. "I'll not gonna let you insult our host! You want a fight? You got it! You! Me! Outside now!" As he screamed those words he pointed towards the kitchen. Then again, if you go through enough wall you'd end up outside. So he wasn't completely wrong.

"Have it your way" Ranma remarked right back in the face of the next guy who acted like the inventor and sole owner of righteousness. "It's not like anything but a knockout's gonna shut you up anyway. Just gimme a moment, okay?

Returning to his primary topic, Ranma directed another cold gaze at the master of the house. But then he sighed and deflated a little himself.

"Listen Mr. Tendo, I just came her just to tell ya that this great dream ya had with Pops is coming true. The schools gonna be joined because I happen to be in love with Akane."

With this he looked to his side where the mentioned girl had stepped up to prove and support his claim. She smiled at him and he couldn't help but continue with a much warmer vibe to his voice. "I'm going to marry this tomboy an' I'm gonna do my best to be good for her for the rest of my life. An' I don't care if that earns me a dojo or not. 'Cause the only thing I need to get out of this is..."

"Ryoga-kun? Are you certain that you can take him on?"

Soun's question cut through Ranma's explanation with all the warmth of an arctic winter.

"Sure I can." Ryoga replied with some confusion but even more confidence. "That's why he keeps running away from me."

"Good. Then I want you to beat up this insufferable brat well enough that he never comes back again. If you can do that…" Soun turned to the boy and there was nothing than cold determination on the patriarchs face. "…then I will name you heir to the dojo. And if you so wish I will give you the hand of one of my daughters in marriage."

The proposal hit Ryoga like a ton of bricks. Him? Heir to a martial-arts-school? Plus a g-g-g-g-girl?

But then he looked up and saw the expression on Ranma's face.

A strange satisfaction came over him as he realized just how much suffering he could cause that guy today. Suddenly that was everything that mattered.

"You got yourself a deal, Tendo-san." he replied with an equally cold determination as his new found father-in-law.

…

End Chapter 6


	7. Here's Shampoo

**Square 1/2**

Chapter 7: "Here's Xian-pu, Airen!"

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

* * *

The sun had started to set over the skyline of Nerima. The Tendo residence and adjacent dojo was beginning to sink into the dark of night. It wasn't nearly as dark though as the mood between the people gathered in the yard outside. Two young men were facing off against each other as they got ready for an all important duel. One had a man of proud dignity by his side, long-haired and sporting a moustache that garnished his rugged face. The older man helped the younger one to prepare and offered some last minute tips and encouragements.

By the other boy's side was one of the daughters of the house by the name of Akane, wearinga pained expression on her face.

"Why?" she asked Ranma simply but with enough frustration to make him wince in sympathy. "How can he do something like that?"

The boy gently put his hands on the arms she held crossed in front of her chest and started to stroke them lightly.

"Force of habit, I guess," he replied in an apologetic tone. "Probably shouldn't have put it so bluntly how I feel about ya. Might be he panicked."

But then his face returned to a more serious expression and his voice lost the compassion.

"Listen, I need you to watch out when Ryoga starts to throw his bandanas at me. Don't get hit and don't let them hit your sisters. Those things cut like a razor." With that he nodded towards the other two Tendo girls that made up the audience. "Same goes for that umbrella of his. Only that thing is also heavy as f*ck..."

The girl nodded to signal that she had understood. Then she quickly grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.

"For luck," she explained once she let go of him again.

He looked at her strangely as if he was fighting an inner battle. A silent scuffle between his pride and a much warmer emotion. Then his head shot forward and he answered her kiss with a kiss of his own.

"Can't have too much luck," he reasoned after he was done, a roguish smile plastered on his face. "Even if I'm only going against some small fry."

Then he turned and kept that same smile on his face, knowing full well how the other boy would be aggravated by it.

"Ready when ya ready," he announced to his opponent.

"I'm always ready," Ryoga replied angrily as he shot forward to meet him. "No running away from this fight, coward!"

"What can I say?" Ranma remarked as he dodged the attack. "I'm still so surprised to see ya show up for a fight without making me wait for days."

"It was only three days!" the thus accused boy retorted with indignation and another attack. "And then you ran off."

Snaking between the strikes of his opponents with an ease like normal people might step past something nasty on the ground, Ranma scoffed at the accusation.

"More like pop dragged me out of there. Can't say I blame him for getting impatient. What took ya so long anyway?"

"I was trying to get there on time!" Ryoga screamed as he grabbed his mighty umbrella and set out to bludgeon his elusive opponent. Though once again the only damage dealt was to the ground. "I ran! I swam! I travelled! And when I finally made it to the duel site who wasn't there? You! You coward!"

"Ya do realize that usually the one not showing up on time loses by default?" Ranma inquired as he patted a bit of soil from his shoulders. Pretty much the only thing that had connected with him yet. "So by rights there was no more duel to run away from. Just saying."

"Oh, so now you try to worm your way out of this with nitpicking?" the boy busily using his umbrella for landscaping demanded to know. "I've been through hell just because _you_ decided to run off. There is no other way to make up for my suffering than to show you the same hell. I'll take all of your happiness and make it mine..!"

Suddenly Ryoga's umbrella was stopped and with nothing but a finger of Ranma's outstretched hand. The boy with the bandana looked on in surprise, wondering where Ranma had gotten the strength for that feat. Soun Tendo knew that move. He knew it all too well. And by the expression on his face it was no good news for him that the pigtailed boy also knew it. Let alone was capable enough to perform it.

"Akane happens to be my happiness," Ranma declared solemnly. "Ya gonna take her away? Not in this life, buddy!"

One could hear Kasumi sigh in the background, a hopeless romantic getting her favourite treat. Nabiki one could hear snicker. That girl's view of the world would hardly ever get compromised by confessions of this kind.

Akane though, now that girl Ranma could actually feel. She was a source of power and warmth at the edge of his perception. Her mere presence filled him with emotions of comfort and reassurance even in the heat of battle. Plus one or two other choice emotions that you better not mention in front of the family.

"Besides," Ranma continued as he homed in on the source of those particular feelings, "the final choice will always be Akane's. Not yours, not her father's an' not mine either!"

There was a pause after that statement, with Ranma's intense gaze daring his opponent to contradict him. Pressured like that, Ryoga found no quick reply that could twist the words of his nemesis to reveal his undoubtedly truly shady intentions. Akane was under no such burden.

"Easy for you to say _after_ I already chose you," the girl that had officially been given the final say pointed out. But with the warmth of the smile she wore as she looked at her personal pick of the litter called men, the remark didn't carry over very harshly.

Angered by his opponent's oh so obviously fake act of grandeur, Ryoga drew back his umbrella and redoubled his efforts to smash his adversary into a million tiny pieces. How could Ranma dare to ignore him just to pose in front of his girlfriend? Especially if that girlfriend happened to be a potential fiancée of Ryoga himself. Let's just ignore the fact that he had to win first and maybe ask for the girl's consent, shall we?

Soun Tendo for his part watched the fight with trepidation. It was obvious to him that Ryoga was a strong and sturdy fighter. Skilled and fearless, too. Any dojo would be more than happy to have him count amongst their numbers.

But against this spooky Ranma boy he stood no chance. Not with the obvious difference in experience between them. That boy seemed unimpressed by attacks that would have given Soun pause. And if nothing else Soun Tendo actually was a master of the art. This was one of the things in his life he had accomplished by himself. And to a remarkable degree if he was allowed to say so. True, as of late he might have slacked when it came to training but he still considered himself more than competent. Still he wasn't sure if he'd fare any better against the boy than Ryoga did. But if his life on the road and his friendship with Genma had taught him one thing then it was that two could prevail where one alone would fail. And ignoring the complaints of your conscience could save you from a lot of trouble. It had worked well enough against the master after all. And some of Ranma's techniques reminded him of no one else but him.

Suddenly the excuse that Soun needed to intervene showed itself as Ryoga started to shower his adversary in shuriken style bandanas that flew wide from the mark except for a few that Ranma actually had to deflect. Of those few one was headed towards Nabiki. Akane, warned beforehand of the projectiles danger, kicked the thing away from her sister and into the wall where it stuck harmlessly. Nonetheless this was all the justification Soun needed.

"You dare attacking my daughters?" he screamed in maybe too thickly applied rage. Then he jumped high into the air, a mighty kick aimed at the back of Ranma's head. The kick solidly connected. At least with Ryoga's foot that came from the other side. They both cried out in pain, though the fanged boy not as much. Mainly thanks to his sturdiness and his boots.

Ranma for his part was already on the ground and making sure that there had been no collateral damage.

After he found none he turned to Nabiki and simply asked for the time. The girl looked at her watch and with a slight grumble read out loud eight minutes and thirty-seven seconds. Then she reached into her pocked and handed Ranma some money. As the other girls looked on in confusion Nabiki just shrugged and told them she had a bet with Ranma about whether their father would take longer than ten minutes to start cheating or not. She was the one playing shogi with him from time to time. What else would she expect?

Meanwhile Ryoga was tending to Mr. Tendo and his aching foot.

"Ranma, how dare you let our host get hurt?!" he bellowed in his usual way of interpreting facts.

"Well, sorry for not falling for cheap shots," Ranma replied with a shrug as he returned to the designated fighting area. "Besides, those weren't my bandanas he got mad about. Ya might be a bit more careful with those if there's bystanders."

"Rrranmaaa..!" Ryoga growled and looked every bit as if he'd charge forward like a raging bull any moment. But Ranma raised a hand in a universal gesture for a timeout and addressed the man on the ground instead.

"How is it Mr. Tendo? Can ya still fight?"

Soun Tendo looked up at the pigtailed boy that stood before him as relaxed as if everything that happened up until now had been nothing but dance practice.

"Of cause I can," he replied in indignation and with uncharacteristic bravado, ignoring any pain he might be feeling at the moment.

"Good, then since ya already here how about ya team up with Ryoga? I don't mind a little handicap..."

"Well I do!" Ryoga protested. "I can take care of this by myself just fine."

"Now wait a moment Ryoga-kun," Soun Tendo demanded in a slightly whiny tone of voice. He had just been shown a golden opportunity and wasn't willing to let anyone's pride ruin this. "Let's not be hasty. If Ranma-kun thinks he can take on both of us then let us give him the chance to prove that he is more than just big words."

"But.. but.. two against one isn't fair!" the fanged boy insisted.

"It's not worse than jumping people from behind," Akane commented from the side-lines. With a saddened gaze towards her father she added "Come to think of it, in that aspect you two probably make a great team."

"You stay out of this!" Ryoga barked in her direction. He hadn't forgotten her kick to his stomach from earlier this morning and next to Ranma she wasn't exactly his favourite person right now.

"Oh, should I now?" Akane asked in feigned surprise and everyone that knew her instinctively took a step backward at the saccharine sweetness in her voice. Ryoga was the only one unphased.

"Yeah, little girls should stay out of a real fight," he declared as if to prove that anyone could catch the famous foot-in-mouth disease. "Go play with your barbie dolls or something."

Just as Akane was about to blow a fuse Ranma stepped into her field of vision.

"Come on Akane, you're a martial artist, too," he told her with a slight frown marring his features. "Ya can't just intervene in a fight. Ya know that."

"Yes. Of course I know that. It's just...arrrgh!" Once she let her frustration escape with an inarticulate scream she visibly deflated. "I hate macho jerks..."

It was a bit anticlimactic but Ranma started to chuckle, covering his mouth with a hand but unable to hide the mirth in his eyes.

"Soooorryy...!" he apologised as Akane looked at him quizzically. "It's just...usually, I'd be the... oh nevermind..."

He quickly got himself under control and addressed her more seriously,

"Listen, I know ya hate sitting out a fight like that, right? But watch this an' see how the ki's getting used. I promise I'm gonna teach ya any technique ya can point out correctly. Deal?"

Akane probably never had agreed to anything faster in her life. Not everyone was as excited as her, though.

"How dare you?!" A voice called out from behind Ranma. "The Master of the Anything-Goes-School of indiscriminate Grappling is still me! And Akane is still my student..."

"Well, then you better show her something good," Ranma remarked over his shoulder with his eyes still on the girl. With a wink in her direction he added "'Cause if ya do that maybe she'll wanna stay ya student."

"Why youu..." was Soun's battle-cry as he charged at that insolent child.

..

Ryoga Hibiki was, all things considered, an honourable person.

Sure, this morning his anger had gotten the better of him and he had assaulted Ranma with hardly any warning. That wasn't okay and he knew it even without that Tendo girl telling him. But he had finally met his adversary after an unbelievably tiring and troubled journey without warning and as a total surprise. So yes, he had acted harshly. But then again, that guy had deserved everything he got. After... after... aaaargh! Ryoga couldn't even think about it without a sense of rage.

And then he himself had for once the tiniest speck of luck in his troublesome life and a nice family offered him shelter. The master of the house treating him like an honoured guest, making him feel welcome and wanted. Something that soothed his poor weary heart to no end.

And then Fate decided to reveal the ploy it had been putting together all this time! Because who plagued that kind soul that had shown him such hospitality? Who was the evil shadow looming over this oasis of reprieve? Verily! No other than Ranma Saotome himself!

Ryoga didn't need incentive to take up arms in defence of all that was good and right in the world. But he admitted that being offered the position of heir to a dojo did sweeten the pot. As did the idea of a gi.. -hi-hi-hi… err, nevermind.

But back to the topic.

Ryoga Hibiki was basically an honourable person. So he did have some qualms with a two on one scenario even if Ranma didn't seem to mind. But after that guy even threatened to steal the kind sensei's student a line had been crossed.

And so when Soun Tendo charged that lout, Ryoga Hibiki stood by his side.

And bravely, like brothers, like father and son, they fought for their honour, their home and their country!

Oh well, maybe not for their country.

But for all the things their country stood for.

Besides tsunamis, manga and raw fish.

Well, something along those lines.

…

Soun Tendo was an amiable man.

He seldom got mad or agitated. He seldom had to. He was living a quiet live with his daughters in a spacious home and with secured financial means. He occasionally held classes even though he didn't have to. But that was expected of a Master of the Arts and he didn't want to give people a reason to doubt that he was one. Not that he had made that title up. Honestly, it was one of the few things about his personal history he was absolute frank about. But there were a few other skeletons in his closet that he would prefer not to make the acquaintance of his daughters or his fellow townspeople in general.

Now along came some kid that knew way too much for his own good and sowed discord in his family. The fact that it was easy to tell that this kid was a one in a million talent in the arts didn't really help either. It was way easier to put someone down a peg or two if you were actually able to do so. Bluffing alone seemed insufficient in this case either. And Soun wasn't sure what Genma had told the boy.

If he had told him THIS...

Or if the kid knew THAT...

And heaven forbid that Soun's daughters learned of...

NO!

Soun had a home and a reputation to protect. And if protecting this meant that someone desperately needed to have an accident...

Well, accidents happen, especially during a duel, didn't they? He just hoped that Genma would be able to forgive him one day for doing this to his son.

Well, to his heir, more precisely.

And if not?

As always, Soun Tendo would cross that bridge once he got there.

…

Two fighters charged Ranma. One with more and one with less lethal intentions. Both were seriously challenging opponents each in their own rights. Did that make victory impossible? Not for Ranma Saotome. It just made the margin for error particularly very slim. Slim enough to be virtually non-existent. It was a gamble the boy was no stranger to. He had learned his art by no way in a secure environment.

The reason he was here today was his stubborn habit of winning against impossible odds.

Well, that and some strange, ancient magic that had sent his consciousness across time.

But that last one had nothing to do with the fight at hand.

Ranma had the perfect technique to deal with his current situation. He wasn't sure if he could pull it off perfectly, as he hadn't trained his sixteen year old body quite to the point where he remembered using this first. Then again, physically he was stronger than back when he was seriously battling Happosai for the first time. It was more the control of hiskKi that bothered him.

Oh well, here goes nothing.

…

Akane Tendo had grown up as the youngest daughter of Soun and Kimiko Tendo.

Being the youngest of three sisters her parents had always doted on her. Especially her father had always paid a lot of attention to her since her talent started to show. He had trained and guided her until the day her mother died. After that he seemed to have lost his drive. Less and less did her father make an appearance in the dojo and more and more did Akane train by herself. A child left to her dreams of greatness and adventure and recognition.

Akane's talent was the real deal though. Even Soun, the few times he trained with her, couldn't ignore that. Not that this made him return to teach her what she needed to be taught in order to reach her goals. But it filled him with pride that his blood could produce even a girl so strong. If only she would bear him a male grandchild then the future of the dojo would be safe. Akane remembered the day when he had been stupid enough to mention something along that lines to her. The fallout had lasted for weeks and afterwards they had mostly ignored anything connected to that topic.

And ever since that day Akane had been unable to watch her father practice his art. So this was something of a rare view and therefore precious. She had to admit, he hadn't lost his touch. This much was obvious. His strikes were swift, strong and precise. He launched technique after technique each more elaborate than the last. He was a naster and no one that saw him right now would have dreamed to call that title a fake.

Now the other guy, that Hibiki fellow. He wasn't half bad either. Even if Akane didn't like him for his conduct she could find no fault in his skills. Ryoga was strong to the point of it being ridiculous and still far more mobile than your average power-type. He had good techniques too, though a bit of disregard for public safety when it came to thrown objects.

And the third combatant?

Well, if Akane hadn't fallen head over heels for Ranma Saotome already she would have done so right now. And fallen hard.

He was water.

He was wind.

He was shadow.

He seemed untouchable.

His elusiveness drove his opponents into the clutches of madness.

And then Akane saw it. The light sheen of the ki wafting around the combatants as it bled from their straining muscles. The air that got saturated from this by-product of the struggle glowing with the individual colours of the combatants like a tint across her vision.

An angry, pure red emitted from Ryoga Hibiki. A pale shadow of righteous anger and competitiveness.

Soun Tendo's colour was more an orange hue but dotted with yellow-greenish impurities and also a couple of darker spots that floated like smoke among the other colours. If ki was truly a mirror of the soul's focus then it was disconcerting to see her father sport such a jumbled assortment.

Ranma though, he was pure blue. The blue of the purest packed ice on the oldest glacier imaginable. And his movement mirrored that impression. He evaded his opponents like a skater on ice. Always moving, always circling, every flip or tumble just another flowing extension of his spiralling vision of a short program.

And then that unbelievable guy reached the apex of his dance and for the second time in her life Ranma Saotome showed Akane Tendo magic.

…

She was tired.

She was hungry.

And she was frustrated to no end.

Her she was, a proud hunter, famed for her skill in tracking down even a bird in flight.

And still her prey escaped her again and again as if he had vanished into thin air.

How did he do it? It always took her way too long to pick up his trail again. It helped that he stood out of a crowd and her people had a vast information network. And yet here she was, in a strange and antagonistic country, without allies or a clue where her prey had vanished to this time.

Hopelessness was knocking at her door and even the idea of giving up had her on quick-dial.

The girl started feeling like breaking down on her knees and have a good cry. Only the sheer stubbornness that had carried her through every other impossible trial still kept her going. But even stubbornness last only so far and right now she was running on the fumes.

But when the night is darkest, even a tiny star is a guiding light.

And what shone before her was not tiny at all.

A pillar of Chi rose up in the distance, like red and blue snakes in an ancient mating ritual. A strong wind, almost a storm, formed around the phenomenon and a thundering roar shook the neighbourhood.

She recognised the strangely localised twister for what it was. One of the sacred techniques of her people.

An Amazon was fighting there!

And strong opponents too!

Finally an ally!

And some enemies to vent her frustration on!

…

If one considered the spectacular and awe inspiring finale of the duel, the property damage was minimal in comparison. When the storm settled down, as well as the dust, there happened to be a couple of additional craters in the lawn where Ryoga and his umbrella had crashed down. Soun Tendo fared a little better as he had hit the roof first, luckily without breaking through, and then continued to tumble down into the koi pond from where he crawled out of with the last of his reserves.

Ranma was the last one standing, one fist still raised in his finishing gesture and his breathing ragged and laboured.

"Tell me you got this on film," Akane breathed towards her middle sister.

"I got this on film," Nabiki replied without her usual flair or price-tag. "Don't ask me though if it shows anything. Damn, I need a better camera."

Meanwhile Kasumi had made her way over to where her father was lying in a wet and battered heap on the ground. Standing before the head of her family she sighed despondently. There lay a person she had loved and supported since she could remember. And at the same moment there lay a man she obviously knew nothing about.

Absent-mindedly pushing one of the objects that had rained down in his vicinity she spoke in a deceptively quiet voice.

"What do you call this thing?" she asked her father.

Soun Tendo, wet, hurting all over and so very tired, answered her without emotion.

"That's a blackjack.."

"And this one?" Kasumi asked as she pointed at something that looked like interlocked rings.

"That's a knuckleduster," he replied.

Nodding her head Kasumi frowned as if in thought.

"Those are not nice things to carry, are they?" she asked as if checking a recipe with another housewife.

"No," Soun agreed tiredly, "I guess they're not..."

"I see," Kasumi said, nodding again. Then she simply turned around and walked back towards the house. Leaving her father as he was.

…

She ran as she saw the spiral rise for she knew that it would not last long.

Her feet propelled her across lawns and roofs, her legs fired up with renewed vigour. Faster, faster she egged herself on, knowing full well that the spectacle would be short-lived. Finally, as the twister dissolved and its victims came raining down, she saw the place where the battle had taken place.

It was a house, big by the standards of this strange land, complete with a garden and a yard.

As she closed in she saw several people milling around. Probably the combatants and the witnesses. Crawling closer the girl wondered who had fought and who had been the loser? And which of the girls there was the amazon? Then she saw her, the girl with the long black hair and the warrior's body. Executing the perfect "husband embrace" on a guy with a pigtail. That simply had to be her potential ally.

And then there was movement behind the pair and the pigtailed figure turned to look at the guy crawling out of a hole in the ground.

And Shampoo couldn't believe her luck.

There he was!

Her Airen!

…

"Whoa! Careful there!" Ranma called out as he stumbled from the impact of one Akane Tendo in full glomping mode.

"You were so great! This was simply brilliant!" he heard her blabber in excitement right next to his ear as she squeezed the life right out of him. "Please tell me that you are going to teach me that move!"

"A.. a.. air!" was his reply as he desperately fought to get some into his burning lungs. To his relief the restraint was lessened somewhat but breathing didn't become that much easier. For the girl began kissing him thoroughly and deeply until she too was out of breath.

"You really need to show me how you did that," she whispered to him as she came up for air herself. "And everything else you know..."

With one arm slipped under her buttocks to support her and the other one around her waist, Ranma leaned his forehead against hers and chuckled.

"Gee, aren't we greedy, huh?" he scolded her in a mocking but affectionate tone. Right then a sound like groaning filled the air and there was movement behind them as if an undead rose up from the grave.

"Oh, goody, seems like Ryoga is awake," Ranma remarked drily and turned to look at the fresh crater where the noise had originated from. The boy in question did look a little worse for wear but considering the circumstances, surprisingly unharmed.

"Damn, what did you hit me with?" he asked groggily as he dragged his carcass from the hole. "That's none of your usual tricks."

"Kinda a long story," Ranma replied. "It's an ancient Chinese art I picked up somewhere. Great for cooling off hot-headed guys, though. Say, ya look like shite, like seriously. Wanna go inside? I'm sure if ya ask nicely they're gonna let ya use the furo."

Looking up at his sworn adversary Ryoga for once didn't doubt the guy's intentions. As aggravating as Ranma happened to be on a regular basis, he also could be quite gracious once the victor of a fight had been decided. As long as the victor was Ranma, that is.

But looking up at the guy also meant looking at the frowning face of Akane Tendo, a.k.a the "Happiness" he, Ryoga, had declared to steal if he won the fight. Seeing the way she clung to his archenemy gave him a pretty accurate estimate of the type of hospitality he could expect from her.

"I don't think so," he thus replied as he turned his face away from her penetrating gaze, "I guess I overstayed my welcome here."

Then suddenly, the trio got startled by the sound of running feet closing in fast.

"Airen!" they heard and then a flash of purple and black came rushing their way.

As one, both boys jumped backwards with shock clearly visible in their eyes.

As one both screamed for hair-care.

"Shampoo?!"

…

Ranma wasn't exactly sure what shocked him more.

To see an old acquaintance he thought he'd successfully circumvented this time around show her pretty face again with a joyful battle-cry of impending matrimony?

Or to see the predatory gleam in her eyes as she calculated the perfect trajectory for a tackling jump directed at the other guy?

This actually brought him back to the time when she wore the reversal jewel and he, Ranma, got mad with the idea of regaining her interest that had unexpectedly gone up in smoke. One of his more immature episodes and pretty embarrassing in hindsight. Foresight? Damn it, headaches again...

Gripping Akane more tightly he decided to step aside from whatever drama would be unfolding. But Ryoga wouldn't let him get away that easily. Diving to the side he used the couple as a mobile cover between him and the newcomer.

"Not this again! How does she keep finding me?!" the fanged boy blabbered in hardly withheld terror. He kept mirroring the amazon warrior's moves as she tried to reach him this way or that.

"Actually, that's a pretty good question, considering ya usual shortcuts," Ranma agreed as he casually danced around to keep Akane out of harm's way.

"Is he honestly that bad?" Akane inquired, completely at ease in Ranma's arms.

"Let's just say that if he heads for Okinawa he'll return with Belgian Chocolate as a souvenir," her transportation replied with a smirk. "_And_ a didgeridoo..."

"Oh would you shut up already and help me?" Ryoga hissed, a bit aggravated by Akane's sudden laugh and accompanying gaze in his direction.

"Help with what? Setting a wedding date?" Ranma inquired innocently as he turned in yet another circle. "Ya wouldn't have happen to take part in some tournament in China lately?"

Shampoo hadn't exactly been silent up until now but now she changed her tactics and grabbed Akane's arm, urgently trying to convey a message in a flood of Chinese phrases. Not that the girl so addressed suddenly understood the Chinese dialect of the Joketsuzoku. If anything she looked confused from Ranma to the amazon and back.

"What does she want from me? I don't understand a single word she's saying," the youngest Tendo complained under the barrage.

"She wants you to help her catch her husband," Ranma translated with a snicker. "She thinks that you're an amazon too. Because... you know... glomping is a way of life for them..."

"Oh... makes sense in a way," Akane commented with a wise nod, tightening her hold with her free appendages. Then her expression changed to surprise as she realized the implications, "You can even talk Chinese?"

"Not really," the boy replied. "It's more like I picked up a few phrases here and there."

"Then would you mind telling her to let go of my arm, please?"

"And tell her to stop chasing after me while you're at it," Ryoga added to the discussion.

"Ah well, let's see how it goes," Ranma amended, resigning himself to that task.

"_You mighty warrior no touch master? Also stray boy not know law. He not think marry_," he patched together in what he prayed was at least close to an intelligible sentence.

"_Where did you learn our language? The shopping channel?_" Shampoo replied in surprise and slightly curious when the unexpected half of the couple in front of her spoke in a sad parody of her proud mother tongue. "_Anyway, could you at least get out of my way? I have a husband to catch!_"

"_He shy. Be many gentle or run away,_" Ranma tried again. "_Must lure like catching small pig._"

"_Did you just call my future husband a pig?!_" Shampoo inquired in an angry voice before she realized that he must have gotten the words wrong. Then she sighed and stopped her weird pole-dance with Ryoga. "_I know, I know. This is getting us nowhere. It's just... aaaargh... this is so tiring! Can't he just get a grip and come home with me?_"

"_Can ask. Can nothing promise,_" came Ranma's reply before he turned towards Ryoga.

"She says she thinks you're the greatest guy alive and she wants to be your girlfriend," he presented as a résumé. "She's sorry if she came on too strong."

"Really?" Ryoga asked. His posture relaxed a bit but he still eyed the Chinese girl with suspicion. "Are you sure she didn't say something about getting revenge for their panda? You know how the Chinese are with their pandas..."

"A panda? That wouldn't happen to be a really big one? With a cardboard sign?" Ranma inquired as the telltale chill of Murphy's law crept up his spine.

"Err... yes?" came the reply as Ryoga's gaze started to dart between him and Shampoo. "How did you know?"

"Met him shortly when I was over there. Kinda stands out, doesn't he?"

It wasn't even a lie. After all Ranma had departed right after he and Genma had acquired their respective curses.

"_What are you two talking about?_" Shampoo inquired as she slowly got tired of being ignored.

"_Few news_," her challenged translator told her. "_Husband fears anger for bamboo bear. He not know about love!_"

"_Seriously? He thought that I ran all this way because of an animal?_" the amazon asked disbelievingly. "_T__hat wasn't even a real one! And even if it was, why would any sane person go this far for a stupid panda?_"

"_But you go big distance for guy over there?_" Ranma inquired with a bit of doubt in his voice.

"_Well, he's some prime piece of meat and ripe for the taking,_" Shampoo explained to him with a sparkle in her eyes and a feral grin spreading on her full lips. "_I'm sure your wife knows exactly what I'm talking about._"

"Oh wow, Ryoga!" Ranma translated more or less correctly. "Seems like she thinks you're a total hunk!"

…

"Okay, once more from the top. What exactly am I doing here?"

It was Ranma's voice that pierced the silence of the room, as hushed as it was.

"You're the only one that can speak Chinese. So as long as she is staying here, so are you."

Akane grunted in reply, getting into a more comfortable position.

"Why is she sleeping here anyway? You don't even know that girl."

"Well, you don't expect us to kick her out into the cold night, do you?"

"Nabiki might..."

That last remark went unanswered and for a moment there was silence in the darkness.

It was a short moment.

"Your dad won't like me staying here," Ranma remarked, without sounding terribly alarmed about that fact though.

"Dad isn't exactly the most popular person in the house right now. He'll stay on the down low for a while."

Akane's voice turned slightly sour at the mentioning of her sire, reason enough for Ranma to pull her a little closer and kiss her forehead.

"It's gonna be fine," he whispered to her as he nuzzled her head.

"Baka," she admonished him as she cuddled closer. "It already is fine."

Two feet further down and slightly to the side another urgent whisper cut through the pillow talk further up.

"Could you keep it down? You're gonna wake her up."

That was Ryoga's voice and he sounded a bit distressed.

"You keep it down, she's your girlfriend," Ranma whispered in the general direction of the sound.

"She's not my girlfr-aaa..." Ryoga's retort got interrupted by the rustling of fabric and a sleepy and definitely female voice mumbled something in Chinese.

"She says that 'cushions shouldn't make noise' or something like that. In case you're wondering."

"Seriously, could you just shut up?" the boy on the ground hissed so quietly that the pair on the bed had to strain their ears to make out his words.

"Hey, I'm only trying to be helpfu...hmpfff."

Ranma's witty reply got cut short in an agreeably enjoyable way. Akane left a finger on his lips after she came up for air again.

"Shampoo's got a point, you know? Cushions should be quiet,"

"Yes ma'am," he replied around the digit he lightly bit into. "Going back to work, ma'am."

It turned out to be a long night.

…

Breakfast at the Tendo's turned out a bit chaotic the next day. Instead of the age-old ritual that took part with the same actors and like clockwork every other day, suddenly there were more people trying to get their day started. And not all of them knew the local customs.

Suddenly girls kicked boys out of the bath. Boys fought boys for the last of the fish while girls tried to hold a conversation using hands and feet and, in one memorable moment of synchronicity, the stomping and clapping part of 'We will rock you'.

When the kids were fed and off to do whatever they had planned for the day Kasumi stood in a war-zone of dirty dishes and dislocated furniture. The young woman didn't seem to mind the state of the living-room. If anything she was humming softly as she began restoring the room to its former glory.

When had the house last been this full of life and laughter? She could hardly remember. But it did make her feel surprisingly comfortable. Like wearing an old sweater that you forgot about but suddenly found in the corner of your dresser.

Now if only her father could come to terms with the situation.

And come downstairs for breakfast.

…

Ranma and Akane ran as if an oni was after them. The reason being that the Saotome home wasn't exactly en route to the school and Ranma needed at least a change of clothes. When they reached their destination Ranma gave his mom a very quick rundown of last night's activities and left the details to Akane. The fact that not only Nodoka earned a kiss on the cheek was all the incentive the older woman needed to grill the younger girl for all the juicy titbits.

By the time Ranma came back down, and he honestly wasn't gone for long, the giggling of those two had already reached hysterical level. It's usually the second worst thing a guy wants to witness between his girl and his mom.

The worst being open bloodshed.

Considering that the giggling stopped at the moment he showed up and then again redoubled in intensity, it may be excused that Ranma made haste to get out of there.

Akane called out her goodbyes to Nodoka and ran straight after him. With a little spurt of speed that might as well had qualified them for the national championships in track and field, the both of them made it in time. Not necessarily just for the start of the first period but also to deal with a certain bunch of morons with a special case of learning disability.

The Hentai Horde stood in their usual spot, waiting for their 'Goddess' to show up and test their mettle. And if they could get rid of a certain pigtailed nuisance at the same time, all the better.

There was only one little problem with the plan. Of the 'biting off more than you can chew' variant. But as had been noted, learning was not exactly their strength.

After the first wave had been cleared the Level Boss made an appearance in the form of Tatewaki Kuno. He was spouting his usual nonsense and Akane was just about to kick him toward the heavens when Ranma stopped her.

"New lesson," he told her as the restraining hand on her shoulder loosened the grip and started to wander down her arm. "Remember how you overdid it with your Ki? We're going to do the same thing again. Only a bit less painful. Well, for _us_ anyway." He directed her through a few motions, for all practical purposes glued to her as they moved in harmony. Then Akane felt something build up in her, a well besides that burning sensation wherever Ranma had contact with her body. Suddenly her arm was dragged back and the pushed forward in one fluid motion and the accumulated Ki or whatever it was flew from her hands forward towards the still posing and ranting Samurai wannabe.

At first the attack seemed to be without effect but then the Kuno boy raised his wooden sword to finally prepare his own attack and suddenly the rustling of his clothes turned into a fluttering of pieces of textiles. It was a bit like sakura watching. With Tatewaki as the tree.

In the end he stood there with nothing but his boxers and his shoes for garment and the shredded remains of his other clothes at his feet.

"Now it's official," Akane deadpanned towards Ranma. "You're a pervert."

"That... wasn't supposed to happen…" the so accused boy replied with honest surprise clearly evident in his voice. "Kinda cute though, dontcha think?"

As Kuno screamed in embarrassment, eyes wide, head red as a tomato and his bokken-wielding hands trying to desperately cover his torso like a maiden that had been surprised under the shower, both boy and girl broke out in laughter. They didn't stop until first period started and even then the occasional giggle was hard to suppress.

Most of the other students that had been witness to the incident didn't fare much better.

...

When Kasumi was done in the kitchen and prepared to go shopping she heard a strange commotion in the yard. As she looked outside she witnessed Ryoga go through a series of katas.

He had discarded his shirt and the sweat was glistening on his chiselled body. He flowed through the motions fluidly, powerfully and with an intense masculinity that played havoc with several of her more primal instincts. Suddenly Kasumi felt a tap at her leg and looking down she saw that Chinese girl, Xian-pu, grinning at her and making a gesture that pantomimed the reattachment of a yaw to a face.

With an audible gulp Kasumi closed her mouth and fixed her habitual smile back in its place.

Frantically looking for something to cover up her slip in demeanour, she called out to the boy training in the yard.

"Ryoga-kun, I'll be out shopping for an hour or two. Would you watch the house in the meantime? Father hasn't come down yet."

"Sure thing Tendo-san," Ryoga replied and used the interruption to get something to drink. Leaning back to let the water run down his throat he looked like a still out of some commercial aimed at the middle-aged lady.

Seeing that, Kasumi gulped once more, turned and ran to get ready for her shopping-trip.

But first to the bath.

And quick!

...

It wasn't as if they had planned it but when lunch break came Ranma and Akane didn't find themselves on the rooftop again but in the yard. Akane had deemed it necessary to bring her old friends Yuka and Sayuri along to introduce them to her boyfriend and future spouse. Ranma, for reasons of equality and to keep the girls civil (Ever been the lone new boyfriend in a group of girls?), also brought two old friends. At least from his viewpoint. Those were Hiroshi and Daisukem of course. Those two had tried to be friendly towards him, whether because of his girl-side or his connection to Akane Tendo wasn't exactly clear. And they happily followed up on that unexpected invitation. Hey man, girls man! Yay!

The six of them had just gotten comfortable under a tree when Ranma suddenly jumped up and headed for a couple of bushes near their spot. There was some rustling and then Ranma dragged out another boy. That kid was scrawny, with shaggy hair and dark rings around the eyes.

"C'mon Gos'," they heard him address their classmate Hikaru Gosunkugi. "If ya curious, then why don't ya sit with us? We don't bite."

"But... err... I wouldn't… want to intrude?" the so suddenly-invited social outcast hazarded.

"Listen Gos', I'm not trying to trick ya, okay?" Ranma placated the obviously nervous guy. "This is just an invite for some lunch with ya classmates. So watcha say? Hungry?"

Hikaru looked at Ranma in wide-eyed wonderment. An expression made even more expressive by the dark circles making him faintly appear like a starved raccoon. But then he nodded. Unexpectedly for him he had been given a chance to get closer to the living proof that magic truly existed. And Akane Tendo. A chance to eat lunch in the presence of Akane Tendo!

Muahahahaha...!

Akane!

Wihihihihi!

Tendo!

Huhuhuhuhu!

"Okay, just come over when ya good and ready, okay?" Ranma told the figure writhing on the ground with foam forming on his lips. "But wipe ya mouth first or people gonna stare..."

...

"What was that about?" Hiroshi asked when Ranma returned to the group.

"Just thought he might be lonely sitting all by himself," the returning boy explained. "He was looking over here kinda like he wanted something so I figured I might as well invite him. Ya guys don't mind, dontcha?"

He looked around the group as if the thought had even just occurred to him. The other two boys just shrugged, not feeling intimidated by that scrawny kid. Yuka and Sayuri looked a bit more uncomfortable. They were not intimidated either but the guy in question was a bit creepy with his fixation on the occult and his cameras.

As if feeling their doubts Ranma grinned and leaned a little closer to them.

"He's pretty skilled with fortune-telling and charms. Or so I heard," he told them in a conspirational voice.

"Maybe wanna consult him before ya aim for the next guy?" he added with a wink towards Sayuri. "A heads up would have been nice the last time, no?"

Both girls grunted as a reply to his last remark, but both looked over at Gosunkugi's slowly recovering form with a new and calculating look on their faces.

"Well, on ta more important things," Ranma exclaimed, clapping his hands and then rubbing them in anticipation. "What's for lunch?"

…

"So you and Gosunkugi-kun," Akane asked as they were walking home. "Have you been friends back then?"

"Something like that," Ranma agreed, shrugging as he remembered a past yet to come. "Though we only got closer around the last year of high school. He turned out to be a pretty great guy once he got past his crush on you."

Akane looked on in surprise at the comment.

"He has a crush on me?" she inquired as she tried to imagine that pale guy as a person with romantic interests.

"Who doesn't?" Ranma simply stated, only to continue with an air of superiority. "Too bad for him that ya already head over heels in love with me."

Akane graced him with a lopsided grin, nudging her elbow into his side in a playful way.

"Good thing you're such a modest guy. Or I would have to stop showering you with affection to keep your head from inflating to grotesque proportions."

"Yep. Modesty is practically my middle name," Ranma agreed with a nod that suggested great wisdom. "Ya can love me to ya heart's content with no risk of ever spoiling me whatsoever."

Akane chuckled softly, putting her arm around the boy walking by her side.

"We'll see about that," she promised him as they headed towards home and another promised trainings lesson. "Now all I need is someone willing to shower _me_ with affection."

Ranma grunted in reply, looking down at her with a mocking glare.

"Got anyone in mind for that?" he finally asked her in a voice that suggested that he already knew the answer himself.

"Maybe," Akane replied cryptically as she matched his gaze in intensity. "I'm just not so sure about that guy's qualification."

By now they had stopped walking because even for them with their reflexes and everything it was bad politics to walk around blind to the rest of the world.

"I love ya," Ranma stated and it was as much a simple fact as a promise for the future. "Will that do?"

"Congrats," Akane responded, hard at work to get used to the concept of these few words but finding it was a worthwhile task. "You got the job."

"Lucky me," Ranma said and lowered his head.

"Yep, lucky you," Akane agreed and rose up on her toes.

It wasn't their first stop on the short way home.

It probably wouldn't be their last either.

...

When the pair finally made their way back to the Tendo residence they decided that at least once that week they should do their homework. They sat down in the living-room where Kasumi served them some light snacks and tea as they worked their way through the chores.

They actually were not the only ones working on their education. At the other end of the table Ryoga was a blushing, stammering wreck trying to teach Shampoo the Japanese language.

The girl listened intently and with the most charming of smiles on her lips. But alas, she mostly seemed to understand "scuttle closer", "touch me" and "try to kiss me".

These sad misunderstandings lead to more stammering and blushing on Ryoga's part. And quite some giggling from the other inhabitants of the room.

"Would you stop that?" Ryouga finally complained, mainly at Ranma. "I'm trying to teach here!"

The boy thus scolded took a deep breath, obviously trying to swallow the first snappy remark that came to mind.

"I could help you with the language barrier if ya want," he finally offered after some inner struggle. Ryoga obviously didn't really appreciate that offer.

"Hands off," he declared quite heatedly. "You already have a girlfriend."

Ranma raised his hands open and in a placating gesture. "Cool it man, Just offering to help, okay? It's nice though that you're warming up to Xian-pu."

Hearing her name, the Chinese girl looked questioningly across the table.

"_What about me_?" she inquired in her native language.

"_Saying him he has hots for new wife,_" Ranma replied to the best of his abilities.

"_Well he better,_" Xian-pu snorted in reply. "_I'd really feel like a stupid bimbo if all my hard work turned out to be in vain._"

"What did she say?" Ryoga inquired in turn, suddenly forgetting that he supposedly didn't need a translator.

"She said she's not switching guys." Ranma lied through his teeth in a sudden bout of inspiration. "I make a good second place though."

That made Ryoga's eyes light up like a Christmas tree. Ranma? Second place?

"Hah! Damn right she won't switch!" he exclaimed in a voice that came dangerously close to a manic laugh. He pushed out his chest in pride and possessively pulled the girl by his side closer with a strong arm. The girl was positively surprised by that gesture and cast another questioning glance at Ranma.

Sadly that boy was already turning sideways and casting a sad look at the girl seated there.

"Darn, seems I'm stuck with you," he told her in fake dejection. Akane didn't even look up from her homework.

"Keep that up and you're sleeping on the floor tonight," she simply told him. She wore a smile though that couldn't completely be hidden by her bowed head.

...

Dinner once again was served without Soun Tendo making an appearance. If anyone was worried about that fact then no one commented on it. Not even Nabiki.

There was a lot of chatting going on instead. Or in the case of Xian-pu, gesticulating. That girl had somehow managed to worm her way into the kitchen and actually help Kasumi with the cooking and serving. Thanks to that the eldest girl was for once able to take part in the meal and in the conversation. All in all there was a pretty good vibe going on.

Once even the most bottomless stomach was filled, and both boys made it a point to apply for that title, everyone helped clean up for once. And that included Nabiki, much to her own surprise. Sometimes you just get pulled along by the mood, it seemed.

As people got ready to spend the evening this way or that, Ranma and Akane excused themselves and went to the dojo for a bit of training.

Now this was when Nabiki's usual habits resurfaced and her snide remarks made the couple blush heavily and forced them into a hurried retreat.

"Ya gotta hand it to her," Ranma remarked when the pair was finally alone and safe in the dojo. "She knows exactly where it hurts."

"No kidding," Akane agreed, her face still flushed and images of what her middle sister had suggested dancing tauntingly in front of her mind's eye. But her inner cinema got soon interrupted by the soft chuckle of her companion.

"C'mon, let's get it on. Time's ticking."

Akane nodded in agreement, knowing that he had a point.

"Alright," she said and tuned her mind to training mode. "Show me how it's done, sensei."

...

They trained in earnest for the next two hours. It obviously forced more sweat out of Akane than Ranma, much to her chagrin. But even with the obvious difference in skill and stamina the girl enjoyed every moment of it. She had learned more in her few sessions with the cursed boy than she had in the last few years. The things he taught her were part mundane and part exotic to the point of esoteric.

Using your Ki for strengthening?

Using it even as a ranged attack?

Not that she was able to do that on her own but the occurrence with Kuno this morning was a clear indicator that this was no mere fantasy.

And he said you could even use it for sneaking around in some sort of stealth mode.

These were things that usually belonged into fiction and games. And yet here she was, learning the basics of just that.

One thing that Ranma never got tired of enforcing though was control. Control over her emotions, mostly. He insisted that no matter how strong the urge, letting anger rule her actions led to the dark side. And in a non-'George Lucas' way.

It was quite the simple philosophy.

You lose your temper, you lose the fight.

Timing was everything and it was quite impossible to bother with timing once you were going berserk.

That was one of the reasons why the real Anything Goes School relied so heavily on insulting your opponent. If the enemy lost it then you, as the opponent, won. Easy as that.

It was a bit of a let-down for Akane to hear something like that about her beloved School of Martial Arts. But Ranma was obviously not joking and he demonstrated his point with a few choice words that made her fumble through a simple kata that she otherwise could do in her sleep. He had the good grace to hug her after that daunting experience. Which was a good thingm because otherwise he would actually have been forced to sleep on the floor.

Tired, sweaty and mentally exhausted Akane held on to Ranma as if he was the only thing keeping her afloat in an ocean of insecurities.

"Come with me," she suddenly whispered, surprised how coarse her own voice sounded.

Ranma looked at her quizzically as she took his hand and slowly led him to the far end of the dojo, walking backwards. But he didn't argue and he didn't resist. When they reached the wall her hands searched for the handle of the sliding door of the equipment compartment. There wasn't much stored in there, just a couple of shinai, some training dummies and a stack of tatami mats.

And solitude.

This was by all accounts the single less visited room in the whole residence.

And Ranma willingly followed Akane into the darkness inside.

…

End Chapter 7


	8. Here's Akane

**Square 1/2**

Chapter 8: "Here's Akane"

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

* * *

There's a place in the Tendo residence that is a bit safer from prying eyes than any other room.

It is located in the back of the dojo, hidden away by a sliding door integrated into the wall. Usually its only occupants are training dummies and other equipment of that kind. But tonight the dummies seemed restless. There was movement and soft whispers and animal-like noises of the intimate kind. If an observers eyes had gotten accustomed to the dark they would have witnessed the forms of Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo doing exactly what young couples past the initial stages of puberty sneak into remote and dark places for.

At first Ranma hadn't been too sure about all this but Akane convinced him with her touch and her intensity and not at least with her body. From that point on you couldn't have dragged him off her with wild horses. No pun intended.

Right and wrong no longer mattered.

Good intentions be damned.

This was his wife.

And no one and nothing had the right to stand between him and her.

He needed this woman more than any meal or any sleep or even the air.

And he told her so with every whisper, every touch and every scorching kiss.

And Akane answered in kind, every time her nails scratched down his back and her teeth found another spot she had not already marked as her property. There weren't many left after a while.

Then came what most would consider the culmination of any activity like the one they were partaking in.

Once again Ranma had the advantage in theoretical knowledge but the mannerisms of a sixteen years old boy.

Akane simply had the guts and a knowledge of what she wanted more than anything else. Turns out you don't need much more than that.

Somewhere between clumsy and greedy they came to their own solution.

Together.

As one.

...

Time stopped for a moment.

If there even is something like a moment once time is stopped.

It is arguably a conundrum.

So let's just say that time slowed down to a point near non-existence and then suddenly fast-forwarded again to resume its duty.

People nearby noticed this strange effect.

Nabiki's head shot up from her spreadsheets, her expression searching. Wondering if by chance she had nodded off during her bookkeeping.

Kasumi too was in her room with her head in a book. For her part she was sure that she hadn't fallen asleep because she just got to the juicy part. Like hell she'd fall asleep now. But the sudden 'ping' in existence dragged her out of her dream-world for a second or two of utter confusion.

Even Soun Tendo stopped moping for about the same amount of time. Then he was back begrudging the unfairness of the world and the ingratitude of children. Maybe it would have been different if he realized that basically one of his greatest wishes had just come true.

Ryoga sat in the furo at that moment, desperately trying to convince Xian-pu to leave the room without looking at her or exposing himself. That did little to keep her from scrubbing his back. But then _IT_ happened and a startled cry escaped her. Before he knew it Ryoga was out of the water and between Xian-pu and whatever caused the disturbance. There was nothing to be found of course.

But Xian-pu was grateful for the gesture anyway.

And for the view as well.

...

"How?"

Ranma's face would have been a mask of confusion if there had been any light to show it. But his voice transported that emotion equally efficient as his expression would have.

"You're... YOU!"

"How is that a surprise?" Akane answered amusedly as she gently stroked his cheek with her fingers. "Of course I am me."

"That ain't what I meant," the object of that affectionate gesture struggled to explain. "How can ya be here? Ya were... dead..."

"Baka," the girl whispered with so much affection that it made the insult into a term of endearment. "What was my promise to you?"

Ranma's breath caught as he remembered the promise she had to grant to him in exchange for his own promise never ever to lie to her again.

"That ya'd always be with me," he remembered aloud what she once had sworn to him. "But how? And why just now? Where have ya been all that time? And what..?"

A finger to his lips stopped the flood of questions and a movement of her hips almost ended his higher brain functions.

"Wasn't it you who said there's only room in your heart for me? As it happens, it seems there's place for one more. And that's why certain conditions had to be met before I could emerge completely."

"What conditions? An' couldn't ya just have told me? Ya stubborn, bossy... aaargh!"

It wasn't the first time that Ranma was at a loss for words because of that infuriating tomboy he had hopelessly fallen in love with. At least nowadays he had another instinctive reaction besides insults to deal with her.

They shared a passionate kiss that didn't explain any of his questions but played a big part in soothing his troubled mind. When they came up for air again Akane grabbed his hand, as she had done once before, and carefully placed it on her flat stomach.

"Here's a hint. You're gonna be a papa again..."

...

Akane painted a strange picture of her side of the story.

She told Ranma how she clung to him with every ounce of strength she had even as her life ebbed away.

How her very essence had clawed its way through the parts of his soul that stood open to her alone.

How she had found refuge between the folds of his being, feeding of his energy as she protected the flickering spark of a soul they both had helped to create together.

She had slept there for how long? She didn't know.

But she remembered being roused from her sleep as if by the sound of a bell and the feeling of being dowsed by cold water.

It didn't fully awake her. It left her in a state of confusion instead, not knowing who, when or where she was.

But then she came home. She knew she did. Without eyes and ears and a sense of smell she still knew it. She had come home again.

And the moment her unknowing host reached out to touch her old self, she too reached out.

It was all too easy, making a connection. Not to the mind but to her passionate heart. That had always been her greatest weakness as well as her greatest strength. With every encounter the hold on her counterpart's emotions got stronger until they were up to par with her own. Little surprise there. They were the same person give or take a few years of experiences.

It would have been so easy, leaving her nest and becoming one with herself again.

But not if that would make her abandon the treasure she still held on to.

Despite the growing urge to finally emerge from this half slumbering state Akane had reigned in her desire to live and to love and bided her time. Until the spark in her care could be placed safely inside her own body.

But as luck would have it, her younger version was equally passionate but far less patient.

And that was the moment Akane Tendo could finally come into herself again.

...

"Hey, I've been thinking..."

Hearing Ranma start out like that Akane snorted in a way that suspiciously sounded like sarcasm.

"Don't feed me munitions like that," she warned the boy in whos arms she had just gotten nice and cosy.

"Ha, ha," he retorted drily before continuing to voice his line of thought.

"Anyway, ya remember how all that trouble at the dojo started? When that lawyer guy showed up with ya granny's will?"

"Sure I do, how couldn't I?" Akane admitted in a quiet voice as her hands drew lazy circles on the chest of her pillow. "That day my whole family practically imploded."

"Yeah, well so I was thinkin', that's around two years upwards from now, right?"

Akane frowned slightly as she tried to get her timelines straight.

"Two years sounds about right. What about it?"

"Duh! That means that this point in time she's gotta still be alive, right?"

Akane stared straight into the nothingness of the pitch black room before suddenly trying to sit up straight. It remained a try because Ranma's arm around her kept her in his reach and she merely ended up lying on top of him.

"You're right!" she exclaimed, not one to get distracted by small stuff like that. "Maybe we could meet up with her. I'd really like to hear her side of the story!"

Holding her securely in her new position Ranma began to place small kisses on the side of her face and neck.

"I bet ya sisters are gonna want in on that, too," he mused between pecks.

"True," Akane agreed as she leaned her head back and to the side to allow him better access. "Though we better be careful how we break this to Kasumi."

"Well, concerning that. Remember the errand I was on last Wednesday after school?" Ranma asked as his focus turned to his hands and what he could reach with them. "I've actually been down to the clinic. Figured it be a good thing if I kept Tofu sane while Kasumi's on a visit. She could have really needed him back when the trouble started. But by then he must have been gone for what? A year?"

"Yeah," Akane agreed with only half of her attention on the topic and the rest on quite a different stimulant. "He must have run to the end of the world. Never heard of him again. And he was such a good influence."

"Exactly, that's why I figured if I'd give 'em a hand. If I can make sure that the doc stops going coocoo and Kasumi doesn't go overboard then maybe they'd actually might have a chance to get something going on."

"Oh my," Akane remarked before she rewarded him with a kiss for his efforts. "You're such a good little brother."

"Aaaand sister too," Ranma reminded her before the kissing thing escalated again.

...

They knew that they couldn't stay in that room all night. Well they could but they surely would regret it come morning. So with some regret they sneaked out of the equipment storage and back into the house. Their path was not a straight one and interrupted by their desperate need for physical contact again and again.

Ranma knew he should have gone home. He knew that his mother was probably worried even if she had a pretty good idea where he had ended up. Akane seemed to have read his mind because she dragged him towards the telephone and started to dial Nodoka's number to his great embarrassment. It took a while for the other end to pick up and for a sleepy voice to answer.

"Auntie?" Akane spoke softly into the phone. "I'm sorry if I woke you up. I just wanted to tell you that something came up again and Ranma is staying with us tonight."

…

"No, he is not a bother. Don't worry. I promise we'll come over tomorrow and tell you about it."

…

"Thank you. You too. Oh, and Auntie..? Remember what we talked about..?"

…

"Yes. You can start looking for names."

And then she went for the kill with a single word.

"Grandma"

…

...

...

_Boop..Boop..Boop_

_..._

"Hmm.. The line's dead. I hope she didn't wreck her phone." Akane mused as she stared at the receiver in her hand. Then she shrugged her shoulders and put it back on the hook. Ranma saw that as a signal to step closer to her and put his arms around her waist.

"Sooooo," he asked as he pulled her close, "what exactly have ya two been talking about this morning? Ya did seem awfully chatty."

"Nothing much," Akane placated him as she got comfortable in her new position. "She just asked if I had honourable intentions regarding her only son."

"That so?" Ranma asked mildly curious about her answer even as he was feeling pretty secure in the intention department. "So what did ya tell her?"

"I told her that I would grab you, chase you down the aisle and then chain you to the bed until I could present her with a grandchild."

Akane said this without the slightest trace of shame or hesitation. But Ranma wasn't completely convinced by that.

"How could ya make that kind of promise?" he asked with a bit of disconcert. "Ya didn't even have ya memories back, did ya?"

"Nooo," she told him in mild annoyance. "But I had my heart back in case you haven't noticed. And I gave it to you. For the second time, I'd like to add.. Did you think I'd do something like that without being willing to go all the way?"

"Naaa... Not you," Ranma agreed while a sigh escaped him. Touching his head against hers he chuckled softly. "Not such a stubborn, temperamental, incorrigible and all-purpose pain-in-the-ass tomboy like you."

"And you better remember that," Akane remarked with a low growl that intimidated no one.

They stood in comfortable silence, just the two of them in the quiet of the sleeping house. But then Ranma remembered something else that Akane had just said.

"So, what was all that talk about me being chained to the bed...?"

...

Whatever kinky play the both of them had in mind, it had to wait as someone already waited for them upstairs in Akane's room.

"Where... have..you..been..?"

That desperate question came directly from the lips of none other than Ryoga Hibiki.

That poor boy had more amorous amazon at hand than he could deal with on his own. So for once in his life he was actually glad to be intruded upon by the likes of Ranma and his volatile mate.

Speaking of which, Akane wasn't all too happy to have that one-sided couple sleep in her room again. She had to admit though that putting those two in a secluded room would translate to the end of Ryoga's innocence. With or without his consent. So it obviously couldn't be helped.

Ranma probably thought something along the same lines.

"Well, stuff happened. We're outside training in the dojo. Then one thing lead to another an'... Well, ya know..." was how he answered the question. Then he snapped his fingers as if he suddenly remembered something. "Wait, ya don't! Not there yet, are ya?"

"Not _where_ yet?" Ryoga inquired with a growl. Even if he didn't get the reference he recognized the insult.

"_Why did you have to interrupt us? I almost had him!_" Xian-pu complained at the same time in Chinese.

Ranma' attention was torn between those two until he decided that answering the girl first without Ryoga being able to understand a word would annoy the guy more than any direct answer could.

"_Our room. Our rules. We sleep now!_"

Xiam-pu didn't seem too happy with that answer and she grumbled something under her breath. But honour and the rules of hospitality dictated that she played nice. So the girl disentangled herself to some degree from her 'Airen' and lay down on the Futon.

In turn Ryoga was torn between being grateful for the reprise and being angry about the reprise. Wait!

That came out wrong.

He was angry for the insult! There had been an insult. Right? There was always an insult. If you looked hard enough.

Ranma decided to drape the cover of darkness over the guests and the cover of the sheets over Akane and himself. Akane in turn draped herself over Ranma. They fell asleep like that. After a while.

...

Something had changed and everyone knew it.

At least everyone that showed up for breakfast.

It wasn't just the way Ranma helped Akane seat herself at the low table.

It wasn't just the way the girl winced sitting down as if she had strained her pelvis or something else in that region.

Most of all it was the interaction between those two. They talked as much with their eyes as they did with conventional means. Even if they seemed not focused on one another it seemed they knew on an instinctive level what the other one did. Ranma would reach for the fish and Akane would push the Soy sauce in his direction even if she was obviously talking to Kasumi who sat in the other direction. In the middle of translating Ryoga's question for Xian-pu, Ranma would reach out and grab the cup that tumbled from the tray in Akane's hands. Behind his back. Then he simply held it so Akane could scoop it up in passing.

This occurred without comment on either side and in complete fluidity. It looked natural. As if this was how things were supposed to be. If you ignored the short time those two knew one another maybe you could also ignore such a level of synchronicity. But Ranma had only shown up two weeks ago and Akane had fallen for him when? Monday? You just don't get _that_ close _that_ fast. Even a romantic like Kasumi noticed the strangeness of it all.

For a sceptic like Nabiki it was like a fork on a blackboard.

...

"Sis? You okay?"

The concerned question almost made Nabiki jump. This was a far cry from her usual cool demeanour. She turned while quickly regaining her composure. There was a reason she held the title of 'Ice Queen' after all.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she asked her little sister with a well-rehearsed smile that showed a confidence she wasn't necessarily feeling.

Akane was hardly convinced by her act or so it seemed. She tilted her head sideways, giving the older sibling a once over.

"Well, for one thing you look a bit pale," she remarked. "And your fingers are twitching."

If Nabiki hadn't been sure that something was different about her sister, now would have been the right occasion to get a clue.

"Never mind my fingers," she retorted a little more sharply than she would have liked. "At least I am still me!"

""So am I," Akane insisted with a calmness that in itself was giving her the lie. From Nabiki's point of view anyway. The older girl wasn't sure why she was so agitated. Or maybe she was. Here stood her little sister. As well as someone she didn't seem to know. It was a creepy kind of infuriating.

"No you're not," it suddenly poured out of her. "Akane Tendo is an incorrigible boy-hater! My little sister would rather become a nun then give herself to a guy she hardly knows. She does _not_ walk around like a cowboy after two months at sea because she spent the night fucking some stranger! So don't tell me you're still _you_ because _YOU_ sure look like someone that spread her legs one time too many!"

Akane, with her head still to the side, looked on as her sister slowly regained control over her breathing.

"Are you feeling better now?" she asked slightly amused after it seemed safe to do so.

Nabiki let out a deep breath and nodded.

"Yeah," the girl replied in a much calmer voice. "As a matter of fact I do."

Then she moved her head to the side too, looking at Akane from the same angle.

"So, let's say I disregard the fact that you have been most likely been replaced by a bodysnatcher from outer space... How was it? You know... with Ranma."

A smile started spreading across Akane's face, broad enough to support the alien-theory.

"Wouldn't you like to find out, eh?" she told Nabiki as she reached up to pat her shoulder. "But I'm not sharing that one..."

...

Ranma was having a sparring match with Ryoga outside in the yard when Akane called him back to the house. He asked his opponent for a break and sauntered over to her, all gait and muscles and glistening sweat. Oh, yes, Ranma knew what he was doing and he enjoyed the appreciating expression on Akane's face to no end.

"What's up, babe?" he drawled with a twinkle of mirth in his eyes that extinguished any spark of anger on Akane's part before it could catch.

So instead of getting wound up she smiled at him gently and gave him a short but intense kiss.

"I need you to do me a favour," she told him after her most pressing desire had mostly been sated. "Could you show Ryoga and Xian-pu around town? Just to get them out of here for a while?"

Ranma's facial expression instantly went from playful to serious.

"Family matters?" he simply asked and it was obvious that he was a little worried.

Akane appreciated his concern. He looked cute with his brows in furrows.

"It's not family matters if it's without you," she replied and rewarded him with another quick kiss. "It's more like Tendo matters. And I'm afraid your presence might make dad feel a little skittish."

"Yeah, guess that might be a problem," Ranma agreed. "We kinda did start off on the wrong foot."

"Understatement of the month," Akane remarked drily. Then she let out a sigh as her head moved forward to lean into Ranma's chest.

"You realize I wasn't kidding when I said that I'm pregnant?" she asked him from her hiding place beneath his chin. Ranma put his couldn't resist the urge. He had to pat that head.

"After last night? Not really." he replied with his fingers exploring her hair. "I'd be more surprised if ya were not."

"Arrogant idiot," Akane grumbled, hard at work to keep from purring because of the head massage.

"Guilty as charged," he agreed. "But at least I'm _your_ arrogant idiot. Exclusively. An' right from the start too, this time around."

The girl continued to lean forward, almost making Ranma lose his footing with the change in balance. Though it was arguable if the boy would have minded ending up beneath her. Oh well, after last night, let's call him a man, shall we? It's the usual deal, right? Same for the girls.

So Akane, the woman, put her arms tightly around Ranma, the man, and held him tight enough to perform a German Suplex.

"I do this for us, you know that, right?" she asked in a surprisingly tiny voice. His head came down and he buried his face in her hair.

"'Cause ya do," he told her and punctuated his vote of trust with a kiss on the crest of her head.

They stayed like that for a while, content in each other's presence. Then Akane let go of her embrace and returned to a standing position.

"So… go play nice with the other kids, okay?" she told him while straightening the non-existent lapels of his shirt.

"Will do ma'am," he complied with a chuckle.

Akane shared in his moment of mirth before looking him in the eyes with an expression he couldn't quite read.

"I love you," she told him in all sincerity.

"I know," he replied with a smirk that would have made Han Solo mad with envy.

...

It was a simple task to get Ryoga out of the house on the pretence of showing him the layout of the land. So he wouldn't get lost so easily was the argumentation. If that really had been the reason it would have been a practice in futile efforts considering the guy in question. As a ruse it worked perfectly.

It was an even simpler task to get Xian-pu to follow along. Honestly, it would have been near impossible to stop her if she had been supposed to stay back.

So the three of them enjoyed a nice walk as they took in the sights of Nerima with the parks and the channels (that Ranma kept a distance from) and the shopping districts.

While he was at it Ranma, in his broken Chinese, gave Xiam-pu a rundown of the high art Ryoga herding that he had (almost) perfected during junior high school.

He showed her how to walk that half step behind the guy that was needed to keep him in the field of peripheral vision so he couldn't just wander away from you.

He somewhat explained his theory that Ryoga's sense of direction wasn't exactly bad but rather subject to sudden change. Like when the guy wants to walk home while thinking about Tonkotsu Ramen he'd start to zig-zag between Tokyo and Hokkaido depending on his current line of thought.

Xiam-pu didn't get the local reference as such but she got the general concept. And considering the smile she started sporting it was obvious that she had just gotten an idea she liked.

"_So all I have to do to make him stay with me is making sure he can thinking of nothing else but me, right?_" she summed up the explanation she's been given. "_That's going to be easy enough._"

Ranma looked at her behind Ryoga's back, which was only possible because they both walked that suggested half step behind him and that to either side. He wondered for a moment if he had used the wrong words in his explanation or if he had misinterpreted her remark.

But then he remembered how Ryoga would always somehow wind up in the vicinity of a certain tomboy. And how that had stopped after a while once Ranma and Akane had openly started to act like a couple for real. Maybe she actually had a point there.

"_Stay close he not every time. Go wrong street always,_" he warned her in his patchwork of Chinese words. "_But if success come back he do._"

His words might have been a jumbled mess but they brought a victorious gleam to Xiam-pu's eyes.

"Aww come on guys," Ryoga started complaining as the hairs in his neck started to rise. "Don't talk behind my back!"

"Well, if ya don' like it ya better start learning the lingo man," Ranma commented as the picture of his rival's most likely future came together before his mind's eye. "Ya sure gonna need it..."

"Why would I need...aaaargh!"

Ryoga's further complaint got interrupted as Xian-pu decided that bodily contact would serve for directional control just as well as for embedding memories. So she hooked her arm under his and snuggled closer for good measure. The lost boy's reaction to that was swift and definite.

His body stiffened, his eyes glazed up and as he blushed a terminal red as his mouth started to stammer gibberish. He was such a perfect target for teasing. But Ranma was in a good mood, so he held back.

Almost all of the way home anyway.

...

Ranma's good mood held all the way back to the Tendo residence.

Even the fact that Ryoga was chasing him with murderous intent after a tasteful little comment about the improbability of the lost boy finding his way around a woman didn't put a dent in his merriment.

Returning to the Tendos did. And fast.

He realized that something was wrong when he heard Kasumi's distressed voice from inside the house. He dodged Ryoga's flying kick almost without noticing and headed inside to see what was wrong. He found the eldest daughter of the house close to tears in the living room, standing next to Nabiki.

Now that girl really looked like a fish out of the water. She wasn't exactly used to giving pep-talks or other kinds of encouragement. That was usually Kasumi's speciality but right now, since she was the one nearing complete breakdown herself, Nabiki had to wing it. So she rubbed her sister's arm with the stiff motions of someone unused to close personal contact and mumbled little encouragements that sounded strange coming from someone that usually practised sarcasm.

Ranma was probably less surprised by her actions than the girl herself. Then again, part of him had experienced that yet unexplored side of her before.

He ran towards the pair, his attention on Kasumi but his question obviously directed at Nabiki.

"Did one of ya get hurt?" he asked her as he inspected the older girl for any signs of injury.

"What? No!" Nabiki replied, startled by his sudden appearance. "It's just... Akane! She got into a weird argument with daddy and then she dragged him out of the house. Kasumi tried to stop her and... well... you see the result..."

She gestured somewhat helplessly at the sobbing young woman between them and looked as if someone had just proven to her that Santa Claus did exist. A kind of quickly crumbling disbelief that only held up for as long as it did because of stubbornness and willpower.

"I see," was all that Ranma commented as his face became like a mask. But the moment passed and with a quiet 'first things first' he stepped forward. He pulled Kasumi into a hug that surprised the older girl enough to break her hysterics.

"Listen, girls," he spoke as he stroked her back. "I know the last couple of days have been kinda confusing. An' I can't say it's gonna get much better anytime soon. But there's one thing I know. Whatever Akane is up to, she's doing it to protect her family. An' this place."

"But... she was so... angry," Kasumi whimpered into his chest. "And she hurt daddy!"

"He's a big boy. He'll survive," was all that Ranma remarked to that particular revelation. The way he said it implied that he wasn't feeling much pity for the patriarch. He turned his head to look at Nabiki, a pensive expression on his face.

"Did you see where she was heading?" he asked her. Nabiki shook her head.

"No, I didn't even see her leave," she replied, sounding a bit frustrated at her own ignorance. "I just heard the commotion and found Kasumi like that."

Ranma nodded, taking in the information without so much as flinching.

"But you'll find out, right?" he concluded, looking at her expectantly. "A girl dragging a grown man around town. Can't be that hard to find."

Nabiki looked at him blankly. But then the shadow of her usual smirk made an appearance along with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Sure I do," she told him. "But it'll cost you."

" 'Course it will," Ranma agreed. He sported a bit of a smirk too.

...

Ryoga had wandered off after his kick had missed and he thought Ranma had ran away again.

Of course his anger had gotten the best of him and he had stormed off in an imaginary pursuit into an even more imaginary direction. By the time Xian-pu managed to drag his sorry ass back to the Tendos, the middle daughter of the house had already made a few calls.

"This gets better and better," Nabiki declared as she got ready to report her results. "From what I could gather Akane dragged daddy to a taxi and drove with him to Shinjuku Station. Seems they bought tickets to Matsumoto and boarded a train. Since a couple of sweaters and a coat are missing from her wardrobe I guess it's safe to say that she's heading into the Hida Mountains. The price question is: What is so important there that she's dragging daddy into the Alps?"

Ranma, who sat on Kasumi's bed with the sleeping owner's head in his lap, once more wore an unreadable expression.

"That's not the real question," he told her ominously. "The real question is: If I told ya, would ya wish I didn't?"

"Say what?" That wasn't exactly the reaction she had expected. "What exactly do you think she's planning to do?"

Ranma looked at her blankly before checking that Kasumi was still asleep. Then his stoic expression slowly gave way to a grim one.

"She's out to kill the Grandmaster of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. That guy called Happosai."

"She..is.._WHAT_?!" Obviously, if the shock is big enough, even the Ice-Queen can get excited. "Did you just honestly tell me that Akane is out to _kill_ someone?"

Ranma just grunted in reply to her outburst.

"Proves ya never met him," he replied as he shook his head and looked away. "Otherwise ya'd most likely ask if she can even kill that bastard. That old creep is a monster in a fight."

"But why even try to kill him? What reason does she have to go to that extreme with someone she never even met before?"

"Well, ya know," Ranma told her with a bit of grim satisfaction, "I'm kinda looking forward to the day when ya dad tries to explain that part to ya."

Nabiki took several deep breaths, desperate to regain her composure.

"You were right," she finally conceded. "That was not exactly the kind of information that makes it easier to sleep at night."

Then she glared at Ranma, her mouth a line as sharp as if cut with a razor.

"You're going after her."

It wasn't exactly a question.

"Course I am. But I gonna need ya help."

It wasn't exactly an appeal.

...

Akane Tendo and her father Soun had reached Matsumoto Station without much delay.

This was a point in favour for the Japan Railway. While even their old German allies had degraded to the 'laissez faire' mentality of their French colleagues, the good folks of the JR still followed their timetables with near-religious zeal.

From Matsumoto they took a bus that headed westwards. Near Shimashima at the very border to Azumi they got off and prepared to enter the Hida Mountains. One of them more voluntary than the other.

"Akane, Sweetheart, why don't we go and look for a hotel for the night? It's gonna get dark soon and it would be dangerous to enter these mountains during the night."

"True," Akane answered curtly as she checked her watch. "I'm sure it would be far less dangerous to give Ranma time to catch up on us, too. I'm sure he's figured out where we're heading by now and is hot on our trail."

She continued to check her outfit and other equipment while her father began to fidget and walk up and down. Akane watched him from the corner of her eyes, always prepared to act if he tried to bolt.

"But... but.. how is he supposed to find us? We're far away from Nerima and we didn't tell anyone where we are headed. Surely you're exaggerating."

It was a valid statement, considering that Soun had no inkling what Ranma was truly capable of. It was sad though that he knew his own daughters no better.

"Am I also exaggerating if I tell you that Nabiki probably got wind of us buying those tickets five minutes after we boarded that train? And she's the one Ranma will turn to for that kind of intel. So no, I'm pretty sure the clock's ticking."

Soun looked at his little daughter with worry and quite a bit of discomfort. The way she talked, cold and factual. That was so unlike the passionate child he remembered raising.

And the way she had handled him when she forced him on this trip!

He had known that Akane had some talent for the Art but it had always been more along the line of brute force and enthusiasm. But the woman that had factually manhandled him out of his house had known exactly how to subdue a grown man with minimal effort.

Soun wasn't even exactly sure what kind of grip she had used on him but it felt as if his arm would come off if he so much as twitched. What's more, he had cunningly tried to slip away three times by now and she had caught on and thwarted his attempts to escape in a matter of seconds. She even didn't shy away from confiscating his wallet after the last try.

Lost in these thoughts Soun almost jumped as Akane threw him his backpack.

"So daddy, your choice," she told him with a dry smile. "Hida Mountains in the dark or Ranma and whoever's tagging along in the morning. Tough one, eh?"

Or maybe not. Because she was hardly finished with giving him those options that Soun turned and started walking. And quite hastily too.

...

"Dad?"

It was another one syllable question, as Akane had been rather tight lipped since they left Shimashima. Something was different though. Even Soun got that. The girl sounded less cold and almost a bit insecure.

"What is it Akane?" the man asked as a spark of hope in him called up visions of a warm hotel room.

"Why did you agree to it? Why let that old fart have Kimiko?"

That sudden question not only squashed any spark of hope for a break but also stopped Soun in his tracks.

"What have you heard? What did Ranma tell you?" he asked over his shoulders with cold trepidation in his voice.

"He didn't tell me anything," she replied, keeping silent for a moment as she watched her father's posture relax a bit. "Auntie Higarashi did. She's the neighbour of Granny Kamiya."

It was the truth, even if that talk had happened a lifetime ago. One yet to come.

Akane continued to watch her father's posture as it stiffened worse than before. She knew the reason why that name would affect him and that was exactly why she had dropped it.

"So I heard one side of the story," she continued with carefully guarded emotions, "but I thought maybe I should ask for your side of the story too."

She could almost see the wheels turning in the head of her sire. Right now the man she had looked up to all her life as an epitome of what a Martial Artist should be like was pondering how much of a lie he could serve her safely. Time to drive home the idea that this amount bordered on zero.

"I know about Kaguya and Kimiko. And about Nodoka too." she informed him almost casually. "I also know that you disposed of Happosai in a cave in one of those mountains. Too bad you and Genma were not man enough to finish him off when you had the chance."

Akane waited as her father stomached the fact that the extent of her knowledge on the subject was much broader than expected. The way her father's posture fell in on itself made her hopeful that the amount of bullshit to be expected would be minimal.

Unexpectedly the man began to start walking again. Though shuffling might be the better word.

"The master... had always been fond of women," Soun began in a quiet voice that could only be heard because it was relatively quiet in the mountains this late in the afternoon. "It was usually rather harmless if you disregard the fact that me and Genma were the ones to get a beating whenever the master went a bit too far. But he'd never do worse than a bit of molesting. He'd fondle a girl but he never went further than that. Or so I thought at least. But then I met Kimiko. She was a strong-willed girl, that one. Sometimes a little brash maybe. And when she decided on something there was nothing in the world that could stop her."

As Soun started to get lost in his memories, his voice took on a strange lilt. There was a warmth there, and an old longing.

"She came from a proud family of martial artists but her grandfather had started a trading business on the side and her father had fully turned to trading and made a bit of a fortune that way. But Kimiko wanted to keep the family-art alive. The fact that she didn't know a kata from a katana did nothing to stop her. So she was looking for someone to teach her. And she found me."

He stopped his reminiscence to let out a sigh. It sounded like the air escaping a sealed room full of dusty tomes and old memorabilia as it got reopened after years of negligence.

"I was just wandering around at that time after one of the master's training exercises had gone sour and we all had to flee in different directions. So when Kimiko offered me a place to stay for a couple of lessons, who was I to argue an offer like that? So I taught her and surprisingly enough she took to it like a fish to water. It was... a strange feeling of joy seeing a student succeed. It was even more so because it was Kimiko.

I fell in love with her before I knew it. And for whatever strange reason, Kimiko loved me right back. Kimiko's parents didn't mind us feeling like that. Actually they welcomed it. They even promised that we could live in their old house with the dojo once we were married.

But then, in the midst of planning our wedding, Genma and the master caught up to us. Happosai actually approved of my marriage to Kimiko. He said she was a woman that could bear a strong heir for his school. If I'd only I'd known that he mean that literally."

All the warmth that the memory of Kimiko seemed to have brought dropped from his voice and what was left sounded bitter and remorseful.

"He demanded the right of the first night. Like some feudal lord from an ancient kingdom. He said he had to test her to make sure she really got what it takes to bear the next generation. I refused him of course. At first, anyway.

But the master can't be reasoned with just as you cannot reason with a small child. But unlike a small child it is impossible to discipline him. He is just too strong. And... he did something to me."

"Pressure point?" Akane asked as it was one of the more expectable hazards when facing Happosai.

"Yes, a pressure point," Soun agreed with a simple nod. "It made me easily excitable but... unable to show it. And it hurt. If I just came close to Kimiko, even if I simply caught her smell, I got mad with desire and pain. I tried to find a way to counter it but I found nothing. And Kimiko couldn't bear to see me like that. So she agreed to the master's demands. For our future together. And for our dojo. And the children we wanted. She said if it was only once, she'd bear with it.

I don't know what happened that night but Kimiko wasn't the same afterwards. She tried to be strong for me and for her family but something had been broken in her. She hardly laughed any more and where she once would have headbutted her way through an argument she shied away from any confrontation. We held the wedding of course but she could no longer stand to be touched. And then she was suddenly pregnant.

It was Happosai's child obviously but we never talked about that and told everyone it was mine. But the closer Kimiko came to childbirth the more she was convinced that it was not even a child in her belly. She fantasized that it was the master himself that had come to be reborn. Not that he had died but she simply was convinced that it was his movements she felt inside her. And it drove her to madness.

When Kasumi was born she refused to accept her baby. She kept insisting that it was Happosai and that we should kill him before it was too late. She... she even tried to do it herself."

It was a strange sight for Akane. Seeing her father so close to tears but for once willing to resisting the urge. She herself had a hard time holding back the sob that was forming in her throat. But she swallowed it, afraid to give her father reason to stop his report.

"It was Kaguya, Kimiko's younger sister that saved Kasumi's life. Kaguya had started living with us when it became clear that Kimiko would be unable to tend to the child. She was the one that organized the wet nurse and cleaned up after one of Kimiko's seizures. She also was the one that found her when she..."

Soun stopped his recount and took several deep breaths, the images of that memory strangling his ability to speak for the moment. Akane didn't urge him on, knowing full well that this would be pointless as well as cruel. She gave him the time to recover. And eventually he did.

"She killed herself. In her beloved dojo. With her back to the door and her legs bound she had committed jigaki (*).

Her parents went mad with rage. They demanded that I gave back the house and their grandchild and got lost somewhere far away. I didn't blame them. I actually felt the same way about my involvement in Kimiko's death. But Kaguya would have none of it.

Against her parents will she insisted to keep Kimiko's dream alive, even if she had to do it in her stead. She had me reopen the place and she took care of Kasumi and after a while I almost forgot that she was the sister and not my wife. It was strange because while they looked similar they had such differences in temperaments. Where Kimiko was direct Kaguya was more of a planer. And where Kimiko would laugh out loud or get angry, Kaguya was far more restrained in the way she acted. But they both were headstrong women that did what they thought needed doing.

After a while I even caught myself calling her by Kimiko's name and for whatever reason she didn't seem to mind. She even was willing to take care of my... needs. If you know what I'm talking about."

He didn't wait for Akane to answer the question. And Akane wasn't stupid enough to interrupt her father by telling him exactly how well she knew what he meant.

"So around Kasumi's second birthday Nabiki was born. And Kimiko and... no… Kaguya and I decided to get married. It was a small ceremony and the parents broke off any contact in their fury about it. They even disowned Kaguya, saying that if she insisted on this foolishness then she would be no longer their daughter.

Kaguya simply reasoned that between me still calling her by her sister's name and her parents insisting that they had only one daughter by the name of Kimiko she might as well take that name for herself. And so she became Kimiko for real. And despite the weirdness and the parents it was… good. For a short while.

You see, Genma had found himself a wife too, and the master demanded the same thing from Nodoka that he had from Kimiko. But either Genma had learned his lesson or he was simply being clever again, but he only agreed under the condition that Happosai would use one of his tricks to make sure Nodoka forget all about what happened that night.

The Master obviously didn't care one way or the other, so he agreed. I'll never know how Genma got Nodoka's consent but she is a bit old-fashioned herself so maybe he played on that. At least she can't seem to remember anything that transpired. The gods watch over her so that she'll never regain those memories."

Soun bowed his head as if in a silent prayer.

Then he shook it and looked up at the darkening sky.

"When the master went for Nodoka, Kaguya realized that she too was in danger. She was convinced that if the master came over and found out that she wasn't the real Kimiko he'd either get mad that he hadn't been her first or demand compensation. And knowing him he wouldn't be content with one night in that case. It was her idea to get the master drunk and disposed of.

We actually ensured Genma's complicity by offering him to engage any of his children to one of ours. For the sake of the School of course.

It took a while to set things up and get the master to go on a training trip with me and Genma. But shortly after you and Ranma were born we went deep into these mountains, got him roaring drunk and threw him into a cave with enough dynamite on his back to cave in the whole thing. And then we closed up the entry and never looked back.

Until today."

With those words Soun's voice trailed off and the two of them continued the way lost in their respective thoughts.

The mountains were quiet again.

(*) Female variant of ritual suicide. As opposed to male form of seppuku.

...

They made good time on their way up the mountain trails but it got dark sooner than Akane had expected.

It made sense once she thought about it. That with those peaks blocking out the sun and no streetlights or other illumination a city dweller like her was used to. The term 'pitchblack' got a whole new meaning faster than she would have cared for.

Akane soon got used to the darkness but still too much was shrouded in shadows that she could rely on her eyes. So she followed the path as much with her sense of touch as she did with her vision. Which, in a mountainous region with tricky footing isn't always a good idea. All of a sudden Akane's foot slipped and suddenly her world was upside down and she was sliding down the side of the mountain until a sudden and painful impact slowed her descent. She saw stars that were definitely not in the sky and her back, and especially her bottom, were pulsing with a dull pain.

"Ouch," Akane exclaimed eloquently and looked around where she had landed.

"Akane? Akane?!" she heard her father call from above. "Where are you?"

"I'm okay, dad," she called back before cussing her own klutzyness under her breath. Her only solace was that Ranma wasn't here to mock her. He'd sure have a field day with that.

"Seems like I fell onto a ridge. I'm not hurt. Just give me a moment to climb back up."

"In this darkness? That's much too dangerous!" her father called back worriedly. "Listen daughter, you stay put and I go looking for help. We'll have you out of there in no time!"

"What are you talking about dad? I didn't fall that deep and...dad? Dad?!"

But Soun Tendo was already out of earshot.

"Oh great. There he goes and leaves me on a mountain in the middle of the night to gets lost on his own. Can this day get any worse?"

Now there are certain things one should not say if one does not want to raise a flag. Obviously those words had been among them. Because right then she heard movement to her left. And whatever caused it was definitely bigger than a squirrel.

Way bigger.

…

End Chapter 8


	9. Here's Happy

**Square 1/2**

Chapter 9: "Here's Happy!"

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

* * *

The area surrounding Akane was covered in the purest, most impenetrable darkness. The only source of light the occasional star twinkling from a hole in the cloudy sky and the soft glow of the moon cresting the peaks of the Hida Mountains.

No man-made illumination disturbed the natural cycle of night and day.

No man-made weapon in her hand protected her from the natural cycle of eat and be eaten.

To make matters worse Akane found herself trapped on a small ridge with an uncertain way up, a probably deadly way down and '_Something_' prowling her from her left. That only left the right side as an option for retreat but who knew how much safe footing remained in that direction.

Akane was in her current precarious position mainly because she had slipped and fallen after following the path running along the mountainside above her in the dark. And that part had in theory been broad enough to walk securely. The prospect of trying the same stunt on a small ridge was disconcerting to say the least. So basically that left her with only one option. To stand her ground.

Akane readied herself to react to an attack without throwing herself from the ridge in the process. Turning left to come face to face with the source of the ominous sounds, her left foot slid marginally forward as a pivotal point, her right foot slightly behind and out towards the ridge. In case she had to duck, this way she'd duck towards the attacker or the rocks and not to the big, deep emptiness of space at her side. Her torso seemed relaxed but to an expert's eye it was obvious that she was preparing to push any incautious attacker to that very right side and straight into the great unknown.

Akane breathed in slowly, to calm her mind and open her senses to the world beyond her wildly beating heart.

In.

Out.

Iiin...

Ouuut...

Haaaa...

As Akane's senses slowly reached out to her surroundings she became more and more aware of the life that sprawled around her. The rustling of the occasional tree that sparsely occupied the mountainous landscape. The hooting of a nocturnal hunter up in the sky. Some small animal rustling through the thicket. The soft and stealthy movements of a larger predator.

There!

Only a couple of feet to the front!

Then a soft sliding sound, most likely from the jump, and the rushing of air.

But Akane was ready for the impact.

Ready..

..for..

The impact never came.

There had been no attack.

Instead Akane suddenly heard another sound. And it was in her back. Cursing inwardly she quickly went through the possible scenarios.

Wolves?

Impossible. The last wolf in Japan had been caught in the 1920's or something like that.

Bears?

Possible. There were even bear sighting tours in the Hida Mountains. But did that thing sound like a bear? Not that she was an expert but... no?

Boars?

Nope, no tell-tale grunting, no hooves and she still had her legs. A charging bore would have run her over by now.

So, a wild cat?

Yeah right, as if Japanese wildcats were much larger than your average domestic cat.

There was no catlike predator of potentially dangerous proportions native to the Japanese islands.

Oh! Wait!

That wasn't true.

There was one.

Akane slid into a new position, mirroring her previous one. She calmed herself again and waited. For a soft pawing sound. For the slide. For the rushing of air.

There!

Instead of ducking in anticipation of the impact Akane jumped up and grabbed the body passing through the air above her. When she noticed the texture of clothes instead of fur under her fingers Akane felt boundless elation as well as an old and familiar anger rising up in her chest.

As two bodies crashed more or less elegantly into the hard surface of the ridge she cried out in ire and pain.

"Ranma! This better not be you or I'm going to kick your sorry ass off this mountain!"

"That so?" the body above her remarked. "So ya'd rather make out with someone else in the wilds?"

It sounded like a joke but Akane didn't miss the barbs hidden within the question. Her anger subsided as quickly as it had surfaced and and a small voice that she recognized as belonging to her conscience warned her to treat lightly from here on.

"You're mad at me, aren't you?" she asked in a subsequently more subdued voice.

"Why would I _ever_ be?" Ranma asked rhetorically as he unceremoniously sat up while scooting backwards. He pinned her to the ground as he sat on her stomach with his hands gripping her shoulders. "Just because the frigging love of my life runs off with me child in the belly to try an' get herself killed on some mountainside in the dark of night? Pu-lease..."

They sat like that in silence with Ranma slowly steaming above and Akane audible gulping beneath.

"I'm... sorry?" the one on the ground finally hazarded in a small voice. "I just.. I didn't want to drag you into this..."

"Into what?" the one on top inquired coldly. "Ending Happosai's ugly little existence?"

Akane simply nodded before she realized that this was something stupid to do in the darkness.

"More like spilling his blood," she admitted. "I just didn't want that on your hands."

There was another awkward silence between the two. But it ended when Ranma let out a frustrated sigh and seemed to deflate.

"It's a bit ta late fer that," he remarked ominously. He let go of Akane's shoulders and moved into a somewhat more comfortable position with his arms to either side of her head. "Listen, can we put up ya tent? This place is as good as any to camp and we really got ta talk."

...

They moved a short distance up the ridge to a spot Ranma had indicated. There the ridge fanned out a little and an overhanging ledge up above provided some additional cover.

They put up the tent in silence and threw in their sleeping bags side by side. After a moment of quiet discussion they unzipped both of them and used one as mattress and the other one as a cover. For purely economic reasons of course. You have to be ready to share warmth up in the cold air of a night in the mountains, don't you?

"Back then... the in four years-'back then' … when ya were...gone..." Ranma haltingly began his explanation as they both lay snuggled close together in their shelter. "Everything... fell apart.

Mom had a mental breakdown an got taken away to an asylum.

Dad started drinking, like... much worse than before. But it seemed ta work for him and so I gave it a try. It did the trick for a while fer me too. I mean, if ya're completely wasted ya don't even remember ya own name. An' if anything memories happened ta be the enemy, right?

Well, Nabiki didn't like it one bit. She had almost lost Kasumi after that lawyer guy showed up with the testament and that whole thing about you an her an Kasumi not being related by blood. Well, not in tha first degree anyway.

Then she lost her li'l sister for real because the old perv thought he'd needed some payback an' her li'l brother in law did his best to marinade himself in any cheap spirit he could get his hands on.

Let me tell ya one thing. Waking up with a hangover an' having ta face an angry Nabiki as the first order of the day is nothing I can recommend.

Back then she gave me a choice.. Either continue to marinade myself in alcohol and become a useless moocher like me pop.

Or sober up and follow the leads she had collected ta bring that li'l fucker to justice. An' I don't mean justice as in 'fifteen years and parole'.

Come to think of it, it was more of a offer ya can't refuse.

You know what Happosai did after he got ya killed? Panty raid, that's what. And on the same night, too.

I'm still not sure if he's that evil or simply that much of a psycho. But the dwarf doesn't seem to get the concept that he did anything wrong. That much power in the hands of a.. what's that word she used? Sociopath? Yeah.. Sociopath.

Nabiki sure likes her big words. Talk ta her long enough and ya start sounding like a smart alec too. An'.. we did talk a lot. While I got back into shape. An' I don't really think that this will surprise ya but it's not a good idea ta get on Nabiki's bad side. I'm talking dark side of the moon bad side here. Not some missed payment or something easy like that. Nabiki really was out for blood this time. This was about hurting the family after all.

If Happosai had been stupid enough to show himself I swear she would have poisoned him herself. I was almost worried that I wouldn't get a chance to screw his lil head of his shoulders on my own.

Oh well, to make things short, I did get back into form and Nabiki got me on the right trail.

I hunted Happosai half the way through Honshu. At first he seemed ta think this was a game but after a couple of fights when I almost got him good he seemed ta get nervous. We knew he was running when we found that he had broken into the house ta get his trinkets and stuff.

Man, Nabiki was livid. If he'd gotten away like that who'd know when we'd find him again. Turns out he was surprisingly easy ta follow though. He headed straight west inta China. Should have known something was up when it got ta easy ta follow the trail.

Cause see, Happosai made a beeline ta Joketsuzoku. An' when I got there he had already made a deal with those elders of theirs. Told 'em he'd return the treasures he stole if they promised protection. So instead of having ta deal with one old ass, suddenly I stared down the barrel of the whole damn amazons."

Ranma interrupted his recount for drawing Akane a little closer as if he needed her support to continue. He didn't meet with much resistance on her part.

"Did Cologne take part in that deal too?" she asked him quietly and reached up her hand to gently tussle his hair.

"I don' think so," Ranma replied an used the opportunity to place a kiss on her wrist. "The old mummy would be the last one to be fooled by the likes of Happosai. But she's only one vote in the council, ya know?"

"So you fought them?" Akane inquired even though she could already easily guess the answer.

"What else could I do? Happosai was standing there in the middle of his bodyguards, smug like a bug an' acting like this was just a stupid game show and he was the host!

That had caused your death!

An' he thinks he gets away with it?

Fat chance!

I dove right in an' anyone foolish enough to stand in my way got creamed. Fighters, elders, men, women... didn't matter ta me. I can't even tell ya if I just crippled them or killed them. It wasn't the kind of fight to hold anything back, ya know? Got my fair share of injuries in turn too.

Well, the guys that had been in Nerima an' knew the pervy dwarf kept out of the fight for the most part. But at some point Shampoo just couldn't watch it anymore and joined the fray. I think she just wanted to stop me before the damage to her people an' me couldn't be fixed.

I got rid of her pretty quick and I don't think I hurt her too bad but you know how it is. Ya hit Shampoo and ya get a free fight with Mousse. I just did my best ta ignore him an' went straight for Happosai. The old dwarf put on a hell of a fight but he was still injured from our fights before. There had been a reason why he chose ta run, ya know? But I wasn't in much better shape by then so fair's fair I guess. Still, ya'll never believe what finally killed him..."

Again Ranma paused as if waiting for Akane to take a shot at solving that riddle.

"We'll see about that," she told him, anxious to get to the end of his story. "So what happened?"

"Mousse happened," he answered as he continued his tale. "I was being busy dodging all the crap he threw at me while fighting with Happosai. Well, remember that porcelain potty with the swan design? When Mousse threw that thing at me the dwarf laughed so hard that he didn' see me kicking it his way. Hit him in the face so hard the damn thing shattered. Usually that would've probably only distracted him but somehow karma kicked in and he caught one of the splinters right here..."

Again Ranma stopped to put a finger on the side of Akane's neck, right where the carotid artery was located.

"Wait... You cut his throat with a... potty?" she asked in disbelief even as she reached across to grab his hand and place it somewhere she'd rather be touched at the moment.

"Not exactly what I planned, but yeah... something like that..." he concluded as his hand took her up on her gracious offer. "But seriously, it was more of an accident than anything else. Kind of a fitting end though. The big baby got done in by a potty. Or rather, he got done in 'cause I didn't let anyone come close to patch him back up.

Ya know, right before his end he promised me everything I wanted if I'd save him. There I was debating with myself if I should ask him to bring ya back. I mean, that _was_ the one thing I wanted above all else. But he bled out pretty quick and then the point was moot anyway.

So there I was, standing in the middle of what was left of Joketsuzoku. Happosai was dead, the remaining amazons where out for my blood and I wasn't feeling that well myself."

Suddenly Ranma rolled over Akane, placing his arms and legs to either side of her to support his weight.

"That was the second time I had no more meaning in life and even more regrets than before." He rested his forehead on Akane's and she could almost taste how much that memory troubled him.

"You gotta understand, this is just memories for me. This... me... here..." he intercepted the hand that tried to reach his cheek and redirected it towards his heart region. "It's nothing I really did myself. It's like a stranger's memories and it still scares the shit out of me. I don't know .. If that ever happened to me, too.. if you'd ..."

Something wet hit Akane on the right cheek, a moment later on the left two. She didn't have to check to realize what was raining down from the face above her. Instinctively she drew in her feet and kicked Ranma's legs from under him. Ignoring his surprised grunt she pushed her own body up and to the side effectively throwing them both in that direction with her landing on top. Then she grabbed his head and kissed him for all she was worth.

He didn't respond at first, too surprised or too caught up in his depressing thoughts to appreciate her efforts. But then then his arms snaked around her and he gave as good as he got. After a while, when the urgent need for comfort had ebbed, Akane's head came up again and kissed Ranma gently on the tip of his nose.

"Feeling better?" she asked him in an affectionate whisper.

Ranma answered by snapping up his head and stealing another kiss from her.

"Now I do," he answered with the first spark of his usual bravado shining through.

"Good," Akane said and reached down to grab the cover they had accidentally discarded. Spreading it back over the two of them she sighed contently and snuggled back into that comfortable position next to and across Ranma. "I'd started to freeze my ass off, you know?"

"Now that we can't have," her source of heat remarked as he reached down to rub some warmth back into the indicated body part. "With it being such a fine specimen and all…"

They lay a while in comfortable silence like that, listening to the night and each other's breathing. But then Ranma remembered something else he needed to share.

"Ya know, they would probably have ripped me apart there and then, Mousse first of all.

But Cologne stepped in. She told me that Happosai had only given them half of the treasures and the other half was due on delivery, so to say. Didn't look like that would be happening anytime soon. And then she had me turn around and look at the damage I'd done. It was... massive. You don't realize that in the heat of the fight but I really did hurt a lot of people.

Real bad.

Too bad more likely.

An' then she asked if my revenge had been worth all that.

I couldn' really answer her. I mean, nothing was worth anything anyway. I didn' really see the difference one way or the other.

Somehow that probably irritated her more than any half-hearted excuse I could have given.

Ya know, I always suspected that the mummy probably always had something like a heart. As opposed to the ol' dwarf. Not that she went out of her way to show it but if you wreck her home it's kinda hard to hide. She was probably wondering when exactly everything had started to go that kinda wrong.

The day before when Happosai showed up?

The year before when they decided to close the Cat-Cafe and go back home?

The day when me and pop wandered into their village?

I saw how she went through the treasures they had still left an' then she came back with some big bell in her hand. Well it was big when ya saw it on her though ya know how small she is.

She told me to kneel and I thought I might as well sit down. So I sat there and she was looking me in the eyes and told me not to be such a pain in the ass the next time around.

Then she bonked me with that bell. And it was like...

Have y ever stood next to one of those big bells at the shrines on New-Years?

Like when that sound shakes ya to the bones and ya think ya head comes off?

It was something like that. Only worse.

That's how far those stupid memories go.

'Cause the next thing I know I'm sitting in the spring of drowned girl with a giant headache an' pop's running around like a nutjob an' I got that really bad urge to go to a place called Nerima an' check if some stupid tomboy is more than some really weird dream I had..."

Akane had listened intently as Ranma recounted his story. As finally his voice trailed off she saw it as her signal to show that she had actually paid attention.

"So, did you find her?" she asked innocently. "That stupid tomboy?"

"Yeah, I found her," Ranma replied in all honesty. "Stupid enough to run through the mountains at night. Tomboy enough to get away with it. And worth any second spent chasing after her..."

There was a moment of silence and then Akane put her hands over her face and grunted "Gods! I'm so glad you can't see my face right now. It feels like my skin is burning off!"

"What for?" Ranma replied unflustered. "I didn't really tell you anything new with that, did I?"

That remark made Akane chuckle despite her embarrassment.

"Oh Ranma, you really have a way with words. Who but a stupid tomboy could ever put up with that?"

To those words Ranma scooted even closer and pulled Akane's head back against his chest.

"My sentiment exactly," he agreed as he rested his head on hers.

And still in that position they somehow drifted into a blissful sleep.

…

"I'm sorry Mr. Tendo," the officer of the Mountain Rescue Service told the agitated man by his side while his high-powered torchlight searched the ridge below them. "There's no trace of your daughter. Are you sure this is the spot?"

"Of course I am sure!" the older man insisted with indignation even as he continued to nervously wring his hands.

"Well, then either she climbed up herself or she was clumsy enough to fall down," another MRS man commented before the officer shut him up.

"Listen Mr. Tendo, I'm sure your daughter is fine," the officer insisted. "But we will not find her in the dark. Not in this terrain. You said she had the necessary equipment for a night in the mountains with her?"

"That she did," Soun Tendo admitted with a nod. "But surely you won't expect me to turn around and leave my own flesh and blood to the mercy of the elements while I sleep in a comfy bed in a hotel? What kind of father do you think would do that?"

"They got hot sake too," the same MRS man as before remarked before the officer shut him up again.

"Oh well," Soun Tendo finally conceded as streams of heavy tears ran down his face. "If really nothing can be done about it at night... Take me to that hotel if you must."

...

"It's beautiful," Akane remarked as they sat in front of the tent for a quick breakfast. Her remark was targeted towards the sun creeping over the mountains and the play of colours as they seemed to shine with a golden hue if even for a fleeting moment.

"Yeah, beautiful," Ranma agreed, though his attention was on something else. Or rather someone else. Feeling his attention on her Akane turned and looked at him quizzically.

"What?" she asked curtly but not without affection.

"I think I may have had an idea how we get Happosai to come to us," he told her. "I mean he's a dried up perv in a cave that hasn't got close to a pretty girl in a decade, right?"

"So what?" Akane inquired a little disconcerted from where this discussion seemed to be headed. "Do you want me to wander around aimlessly until he jumps up from a hole in the ground and tries to grab my chest?"

"Naaa, too ineffective," Ranma placated her. "Besides, if one girl was enough than he'd been out of that cave since forever. People go trekking in those parts all the time. I thought more on the lines of two really pretty girls making out in the middle of nowhere. Doing forbidden things far from prying eyes. If you catch my drift..."

He wiggled his brows and grinned at her with an expression halfway between clownish and leering. Akane mirrored that expression almost perfectly.

"Brilliant plan," she applauded him while also adding a smirk to her expression. "Not that you could hope to find a second girl as alluring as me in these remote parts though…"

"Why, you..." the not-always-a-boy complained and launched himself forward to punish his cheeky lover with one of his patented tickle attacks.

It didn't end with just tickling. But that's another story.

...

"So, how much further up are we heading?"

They had been following the path up the mountain for a while now and they had seen a lot of interesting sights. Majestic peeks, ancient trees and rare wild animals. But no cave full of perverted martial arts masters.

It wasn't that Akane was getting tired and in need of a rest. It was more a feeling of urgency. The wish to get done with a nasty task that stood in the way of returning home.

"I recon it can't be that much further," Ranma replied as she scanned their surroundings. "Can't imagine our old men running too far with the dwarf and a pack of dynamite. I'm surprised they bothered ta take him this far."

"Well, they were pretty scared of him," Akane admitted. "I guess..."

Whatever her line of thought had been , it ended abruptly as Ranma raised her hand to call for a stop.

"Ya feel that?" she asked her a her red-crowned head turned as if searching for something. "Like something crawling up ya spine?"

Akane frowned and tried to direct her attention from the outside to the inside. There really was something eerie in the air. Like the ghost of a drop of cold water running down her neck.

"Do you think he's close?" she asked as she suppressed a shudder.

"Prob'ly," Ranma agreed with a nod. She started moving again with renewed vigour.

"C'mon," she called out to her companion, "let's find us a nice spot fer a picknick."

...

Sleepy.

So sleepy.

Still dark.

Not time yet.

Or is it?

Confusion.

Hunger.

Which way is up?

A smell.

Such a sweet smell.

What is it?

Precious.

So precious.

More hunger.

Stronger hunger.

No more sleep.

The hunger wins.

The hunger always wins.

...

"Gaaah! Watch where you're putting those hands!" Akane exclaimed as she shuddered under the sudden contact.

"No can do," Ranma grunted half laughing with her chin on her lover's bellybutton. "The view from here is way ta distractin'."

"Oooh, now you've done it!" Akane exclaimed and did a sudden sit-up. Ranma screeched in surprise as her head was forced back by Akane's stomach. Suddenly two strong hands grabbed the rim of her trousers and pulled. Hard. Ranma shrieked once again because of the sudden wedgy and the forceful change of position involved.

"So, the little girl wants to play?" Akane drawled menacingly with the redhead securely in her lap and a nasty smile on her face.

"Maybe?" Ranma replied with a weird little smile and a sweatdrop on her forehead.

Akane needed no further incentive to give that spunky vixen ample reason to shriek again.

...

The big rock with the ceremonial cord wound around its midst that passed over them, and subsequently crashed into the treeline of the clearing, was all the warning they needed.

Admittedly, it would have been enough of a warning for the blind and the deaf. The impact shook the ground after all.

"Ah damn! One time a plan of mine works an' I can't bring myself ta be happy..." Ranma sighed and disentangled herself from her once and future spouse.

"Don't worry, we'll get back to that when this is all over," Akane assured her as she put her clothes back in order.

Ranma looked at her.

Really looked at her.

She recognized the worry behind the offered smile and the brave facade her tomboy tried to put up for her sake.

"Betcha we will," the redhead remarked in a voice that maybe sounded a bit more confident than she was actually feeling herself. "Between you an' me the old perv won't even know what hit him."

Akane wasn't fooled by the bravado either but she appreciated the gesture all the same.

"Yeah, you and me, Ranma," she agreed with a more honest smile than before.

Akane took a step forward to share a last kiss before the inevitable confrontation. But something stopped her from closing the final gap.

Something small.

And white-haired.

And stuck to her chest.

"Hotcha?" the creature not unlike an ancient baby asked innocently as it noticed her staring down at it.

...

Ranma grabbed deep into the hole in the ground and dragged out the battered body of her schools grandmaster.

"Wow, Akane, I think ya almost killed him in one blow," he told the girl still fuming next to the crater.

"Well, excuse me," she hissed indignantly. "But isn't that why we're here anyway?"

"Akane? Soun's little girl?" the suddenly revived bundle of one-sided joy cried out excitedly as it struggled to embrace her anew.

"Ranma? Could you please hold onto _that_ until I find some nice and heavy and sharp rocks?" old man's target of choice asked in a voice slightly above the temperature needed for superconductivity.

"Ranma? As in Genma's boy? But you don't look like a one..." The dwarf effortlessly turned in the redhead's grip to get a good look at his captor. Seeing the buxom girl that held him at arms length he looked almost elated. "Ah, my poor old eyes didn't deceive me! Sweetooo!"

As Ranma's grip suddenly tightened, the now painful restraint forced Happosai to re-evaluate the person that held him at bay.

"Hey girly, not so rough, you're hurting me!" he complained as some of the playfulness left him.

"I'm gonna do more than just hurting ya a li'l ya ol' fart," Ranma growled as she did her best to keep her composure. "But I got a few questions an' ya can't well answer 'em if I punch out ya teeth. So how 'bout it? I get ya some chow and ya gimme some answers?"

...

"Ah! Who would have thought that simple riceballs could be so delicious!" Happosai exclaimed excitedly in one of the short pauses between stuffing his face with food. "Oh, if only I had some sake to go with it!"

"Well, can't help ya with that," Ranma commented as he reached for his backpack. "But maybe this will do?"

With that he handed Happosai an earthen jug that was firmly sealed with red wax and a string.

"Ah! Shochu!" the old man exclaimed in excitement as if he had been reunited with an old love. "Gimme!"

Once he had the jug in hand he opened it expertly and took a deep swig. Sighing in contentment he nodded in the direction where Akane was sitting a few feet away and staring daggers at him.

"What's her problem? Doesn't she like her grandpa Happosai?" he asked as if that was the last likely of all possible reasons.

"Nah, she just wants to kill ya. Ya know, 'cause of the thing ya did ta Kimiko among others."

"What? I never did anything to Kimiko," the old dwarf cried out in confusion.

"I never did anything to Kimiko!" he repeated in Akane's direction as if she hadn't heard him the first time. The young Tendo had to bite her lip to keep from screaming back.

"Ya did the same thing to her that ya did to mo... Nodoka!" Ranma gritted through her teeth.

"The same thing?" Happosai repeated as he wrecked his brain what he supposedly did wrong to those two women. "But all I did was offering them some fatherly advice for their wedding night!"

"An' that fatherly advice, there'd be some practical lessons, too?" Ranma inquired in a dangerously calm voice.

"Certainly," Happosai agreed, taking another swig from the jug. " What good is all that knowledge if you don't understand how to use it properly."

"So that was all supposed to be 'bout knowledge an' not just ya own sick pleasure?" By now the calmness in Ranma's voice could have cut rocks.

"Sick pleasure? Meee?" Happosai looked up with impossibly big innocent eyes. "I swear everything I did was just to teach them how to be better wives."

"Funny that. If it was all for their betterment, how comes ya agreed ta make Nodoka forget about ya 'Lesson' right after? What's she ta learn from that?" Ranma stated in a voice so far past cold that it almost sounded like she spoke in capital letters. (*) "'Xcept for the fact that ya nothing but a sick ol' rapist that got away one time too many. Until today that is..!"

"Well, maybe," Happosai agreed, without specifying which of the two he agreed to. Taking another, bigger swig of the jug he suddenly spat the alcohol at the redheat, somehow lighting it on fire as he did so. "Or maybe not..."

Ranma heard him cackle as he was forced to duck under the fireball.

'_Just as well_,' the boy turned girl thought. '_I was getting tired of that sicko anyway..._'

(* If you don't get that reference, shame on you. Read Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels. I can't stress this enough ;-) )

...

Happosai bounced for the treeline, knowing full well that he was still weakened from his sixteen years long hibernation.

The little picnic had given back some energy to the old dwarf but it was by far not enough to go and risk a drawn-out fight. Though he had to admit that getting close and dirty with those two beauties had its own charm. Still, you didn't get to a ripe age as someone with Happosai's special tastes without acknowledging the dangers of a scornful woman.

Out in the woods, in the undergrowth, he could loose them without much trouble. He'd go somewhere he could lie low for a while and recover his strength. And then he would return to Nerima, where his two useless disciples lived. Oh how he would teach them about the correct way to educate their children. And then there would be practical lessons. Oh, that was going to be sweet. He could almost see the desperate looks on both of the girls faces as it dawned on them why he was called Master!

His gleeful cackling got cut short as a kick hit him straight from the front. He flew back most of the way he had just run, an expression on his face that was less hurt than confused.

What had just happened? There had been open space in front of him. No way someone had stood there. But he recognised the touch of a woman's foot all the same.

"Ouch! Was that really necessary?" he complained as he pushed himself back up. "If you want Uncle Happy to stay a little while longer you only have to ask. As if I could resist two charming young flowers like you."

"I'll show you flowers you pervert!"

That angry shout was all the warning Happosai had before Akane aimed a jumping kick at him. Then again, it was all the warning he needed. He rolled under the attack, looking up to take a peek up her skirt as he did so. To his disappointment she wasn't wearing one but instead her legs were clad in some baggy trekking pants.

"Awww puey... You really need to dress more feminine," he quipped as he got some distance and fell into a crouching stance. He didn't have to wait for her next barrage of attacks. The diminutive martial artist spun and wove through her onslaught with ease. Okay, maybe not that much ease. But he ended up barely hurt.

"Nice form girly, maybe there's hope for you," he applauded her as she stared him down during a short pause in their brutal dance. "Imagine how much better you will become once Soun entrusts you into my able hands."

Even if Akane hadn't hated his guts with a vengeance already, his leering grin and wiggling eyebrows and insinuation would have done the trick to make her.

"As if my dad had any say in my training," Akane spat in retaliation. But then a venomous smile graced her lips. "Besides, I'm already in good hands. Big hands. Veeeery good at conveying new experiences. Nothing like your tiny parts... master..."

Now there are some things no man wants to be told. It doesn't matter how old he is or how stable his personality is concerning other matters. Being told that another guy is bigger is a no-go. Even if the talk is about someone else's nose, or his bald patch.

'His being bigger' leaves a sour aftertaste.

Happposai launched himself straight at Akane, his eyes ablaze with anger and his intent focused on two certain pressure points to either side of her throat.

"Why, you... I'm going to show you how big..." he exclaimed when another kick from out of nowhere embedded him in the ground. Extracting himself from the soil the dwarf looked left and right for his attacker but came up empty.

"Would you stop that?" he screamed at the empty air as he rubbed his aching skull. But no answer was coming forth. Not being one to suffer being ignored, Akane pressed her advantage with a low sweep that removed Happosai from his hole and plastered him against a nearby rock. He slid to the ground spread-eagled like something from a cartoon.

"Okay..." he grumbled as he reached rock bottom. "Now I'm pissed."

The Grandmaster of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts stood back up and whipped the dust from his shoulders. Glaring at the one opponent he could actually see, and scanning for the one he could only experience through pain, he got ready to take this fight seriously. Well, more seriously than before anyway.

"If you girls want a good spanking then Uncle Happy is up for the task."

In the blink of an eye he was back in Akane's face, left leg leading. The girl ducked to the side and down, letting him pass right over her shoulder. As she turned to face him again she felt a sudden pull on her head. It was Happosai, having grabbed hold of her long black hair and using it swing in a circle like a miniature Tarzan. He came curving back at her at an impossibly high speed. She tried to elbow him as he was too close to use her fists but her tiny enemy circumvented the counter somehow and passed over her shoulder a second time. But this time he pulled strongly at her hair and almost choked her with her own ponytail.

Akane desperately tried to reach behind her to get him off but a quick tap to her spine froze her movement. There she stood, unable to move and with Happosai riding her back like a tiny Jockey. Not that jockeys tended to be huge in the first place.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are," she hear his singsong voice from behind her ear. "And no funny business. My hand might slip and then poor Akane here might forget how to breath. Now wouldn't that be a waste?"

"Yeah yeah, I got ya," Akane heard from somewhere up front. Then something eerie happened. It still gave her the shivers even if by now she understood the basic principle behind it. A slit appeared in the air. And through the slit Ranma stepped as if coming out of a tent. Though basically it was a blanket she had hidden herself under and that she let slip from her shoulders and on to the ground. That had been the tool she had needed to slip into the Umisen-Ken so deeply that even a Master like Happosai had been unable to detect her presence.

"So, here I am. Now what?" the redhead inquired in a challenging voice.

"Now you come over here, nice and slow and show me your nice little backside," the dwarf explained as if talking to a child. Though if Ranma really had been a child, the aroused sound of his voice would have clearly marked the old guy as a paedophile.

"Nope."

Ranma's answer was as simple as it was short. And her expression gave no hint that she was anything other than serious.

Akane wasn't sure if she should cheer for that decision or despair because of her own situation. The hair around her throat was constricting and made breathing hard. Combined with her current paralysis, breathing was next to impossible. Her prospect wasn't looking good. That much was for certain. But Ranma had to have a contingency plan. Right? Right?!

"I'm not joking kiddo," Happosai assured from behind Akane's head. "It would hurt no one more than me if I would end up forced to bring pain to Soun's little girl. But if you leave me no other choice I will have to punish her for the both of you."

Suddenly Akane was feeling the old man's finger poke her back again and a sudden jolt of pain brought tears to her eyes and wrestled a choked outcry from her lips.

"You better hurry up kiddo," Happosai continued as he patted Akane's cheek in a mocking gesture of care. "I think she's starting to turn a little blue here."

"Did ya know? There's also been a guy with a "Sai" in his name on my mom's side of the family too. I think 'Battosai' was what they called him. He didn't seem ta have cared much for that title though, " Ranma explained with a uninflected voice and an almost serene face. Only his eyes were searching Akane's and there was a glint like steel in them. Something Happosai seemed to miss from his perch.

"Yeah, yeah, so your great-great-grandfather was a master too. Big deal,kiddo. Too bad he isn't around, eh?"

Ranma nodded, as if considering sagely advice.

"No, he isn't. But my mom inherited all of the scrolls he left behind," Ranma continued as if they had a meeting over tea and Akane wasn't suffocating right before his eyes. "Interesting read if ya into swordplay. Though that's more Akane's thing than mine. But ya know, great-great-great-granddaddy wasn't a big fan of killing. But that's basically what swords are for, right? So he figured out a real interesting way around that little problem."

Ranma dropped into a low stance. One leg leading, one leg back for balance. His torso leaned forward with his right arm diagonally across his chest as if reaching for a blade. Happosai wasn't sure what the kid was planning but he was a bit curious and from where the redhead was crouching Akane was even more in the way of any possible angle of attack than before. So he did feel pretty secure and therefore a little merciful.

"Now that sounds awfully fascinating," the dwarf commented as he graciously played along with the redhead's little story. "To bad though that you don't have a sword on you. I would have liked to see another master's technique up close."

Ranma didn't seem to have heard him. Or maybe he was just too caught up in his own world of chi and techniques and Akane's pleading gaze.

"He called it Raifusutenresuburēdo. And it doesn't need a blade."

Ranma spun forward in a fluid motion, his right arm moving in a slashing motion almost faster than the eye could follow. It was some form of iaijutsu, that much was obvious. But it lacked the aforementioned item for that particular form of quickdraw swordplay. Ranma's hand held only air.

Air that shimmered in an eerie blue sheen along the edge.

Air that cut.

Straight through Akane's throat.

...

End Chapter 9


	10. Here's the big One

**Square 1/2**

Chapter 10: "Here's the big one!"

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

* * *

The cut was clean and straight.

That could easily be judged by the shower of hair falling like black snow left and right from Akane's face. She stood before Ranma, eyes wide in shock as her mouth opened in a silent scream. But no sound came forth.

Akane hardly noticed the weight of Happosai dropping from her back and the constriction around her throat disappearing.

She dared not move, dared not swallow, dared not even draw a badly needed breath. All for the fear of having her head roll off her shoulders at the slightest jerk.

So she stood like a statue of herself as Ranma rose from her position and calmly reached out a hand to check her handiwork.

"Sorry 'bout that," Akane heard the redhead apologize. "Still, I think ya look way better with short hair."

Some things to a woman are worse than the threat of imminent death.

Someone messing with her hair unbidden absolutely counts among those.

Grabbing her lover by the shirt and shaking her to and fro she screamed right into her face.

"You almost cut off my head and that's all you have to say for yourself?"

Though being moved about like a leaf in a storm Ranma still managed something like a smile.

"Like I could hurt ya with that move," she quipped while she tried to keep her own neck from snapping due to the shaking. "It doesn't cut through living flesh and bones."

Akane stopped her abuse so suddenly that the redhead almost fell over from her own overcompensation.

"Oh!" was all the girl with the impromptu haircut said. Suddenly she felt a bit foolish for thinking that Ranma would endanger her with a lethal strike.

"Makes ya wonder though why it hurt the perv, eh?"

At those words Akane's head snapped up to look at Ranma in surprise, not getting the comment until she turned and saw Happosai lying on the ground and cradling his right hand.

"Why are you so mean to a poor old man?" she heard him complain while tears streaked down his face. "I never did anything to you. Why are you ganging up on meeee?"

"Lemme see," Ranma started a quick rundown as she stepped around a still stunned Akane. "We do it for our moms. We do it for our sister's moms. And we do it for every poor girl an' woman that was unlucky enough to ever cross ya path. Above all, we do it for all the girls an' women that won't ever be molested by ya ever again if we end this today."

Ranma stared down at the whimpering dwarf, wary of any sign of danger from his opponent.

"But...but... you can't kill me!" Happosai insisted as he scuttled backwards in a sitting position, still cradling his right hand. "Don't you realize that I am most likely your father?"

Whatever he had hoped for to accomplish with that revelation, all he managed was to make the redhead look at him with even deadlier intentions than before.

"YOU?" she asked with a chuckle that sounded like sandpaper on hardwood. "Ya simply the guy that raped my mother. Nothing more. My dad's name is Genma Saotome. Even if he's a useless fart and an eyesore. At least he's still a human being. Not so sure 'bout ya'self on that account..."

"But... But I can change!" Happosai stammered, continuing his backwards movement. "I'll leave those girls alone! I promise on my honour as a martial artist! And I'll make it up to your mother! There's got to be something I can do to make things right!"

"Sounds nice," Ranma said, nodding her head while matching the dwarf's movements. "Only one problem, mister. Ya only got that old by taking something from tall those women, ain't that so? Ya a bit like them bloodsuckers. Only without that nerdy cape. Ya stopping the molesting is even less likely than my pop keeping his promise ta never touch no drink again. Sorry old man, no deal."

"I got treasures!" Happosai continued in a panicked jumble of words. "Mighty treasures, they're yours if you want them! I've got techniques the likes you never seen! I know secrets that..."

"Happosai?" the redhead standing above him interrupted his itemization of possible bribes in an indifferent tone of voice.

"Yes?" came the dwarf's hopeful response.

"Ya got nothing we'd risk letting ya stay alive for."

The Grandmaster of the Musabetzu Kakuto Ryu looked up at the girl above him. What he saw was not someone he could negotiate with, and no one he could fool. Instead he saw into two icy blue orbs of cold determination and he realized that this was indeed do or die.

"No more games, eh?" he asked, sounding surprisingly collected after his prior stream of pleas.

"Nope." Ranma agreed. "Playtime's over."

Suddenly there was a strange pressure coming from the dwarfish Elder, and as Ranma found herself forced to take a step back, she saw the man rise to his feet again, dusting off his diminutive form.

"Well then," she heard him say, "have it your way."

Ranma found herself bracing against the enormous battle aura that her opponent emitted. It pushed her back further with her feet leaving furrows in the soil and she even had to struggle to stay upright.

"Don't blame me for not playing nice with you kids!" she heard his mighty roar as his aura made him appear as a giant, three stories high.

Suddenly the ground around Ranma started to explode as the giant figure rained strike after strike down on her. Dodging was all she could do to avoid being hit. There was no doubt in her mind that being hit was not something she should risk.

As the redhead desperately tried to come up with a counter she noticed a familiar tingling in her neck. That tingling was usually a bad sign. It always had something to do with stupid comments and blunt objects. Today though, it was the bugle call of the cavalry.

Science teaches us that any force can be countered by a force of equal proportion.

The demon of righteous justice that Akane's aura had turned into almost seemed more than a match for the old master's display of power. There she stood, a vision in full samurai gear, except that she wore a headband with the Kanji for 'Heaven's Way' on her head instead of a helmet. Her shortened hair fanned around her like a black halo, stirred by a ghostly wind. And as she slammed down the kanabo she held in a two-handed grip, the mighty spiked club send a shockwave forth that sent the old master stumbling.

"Keep your dirty hands off Ranma!" she screamed in a voice that was no less earth-shattering than her attack.

Crawling out of the hole the volatile explosion of the combined auras had embedded her into, the contested redhead looked at her lover with a mixture of frustration and admiration.

"Thanks for the save sugar. Great style," she called out. "But next time gimme a heads-up if ya pull that move!"

Akane didn't seem to hear her. Or maybe she preferred to ignore the remark. One way or the other, she was too busy chasing Happosai around the clearing with her gigantic club.

"Oh boy, I better not get dragged into that fight." Ranma thought as she watched the devastation that game of tag caused to the landscape. It was a sad fact, but as skilled that the young Saotome heir was, he/she had never really come to grips with all those Giant Aura Projections (TM).

So instead of participating Ranma stood to the side and waited until one of those auras went out. Chances were that Akane would be the first to run out of juice. Then again, Happosai had hardly been fully charged to begin with. So anything was possible.

For a second or maybe two, Ranma even wondered if she should turn back into a guy. But it seemed more just that the old pervert should be taken down by a girl. Besides, the difference in power between girl and boy didn't mean much against a foe like Happosai. The difference in speed though might very well be the deciding factor. Girl-side for the win. Yay.

So she stood there and couldn't help grinning as Akane demanded from Happosai to stand still so she could hit him. Of cause he didn't. The old perv was not that stupid to comply with her demands. He ducked and weaved between her easily predictable swings. But conversely they still came too fast and too hard for him to counter without danger of taking some serious damage. But the sly old fox knew as well as Ranma that at this rate Akane would run out of steam fast. And finally she did so, made obvious by the aura that began to dim and the defined silhouette of her projection started to lose shape. Just when her aura seemed to stutter and fail, Happosai threw a Happo Daikarin the size of a minivan her way.

"Nice try girly," he taunted her as he jumped away to get away from the coming explosion. "Here's something for your efforts!"

Ranma jumped forward, cursing that she had been stupid enough to leave the field to Akane. She knew that she had little chance of saving her from the coming inferno but she wasn't the type to let logic get in the way of beating the odds... somehow.

She forced herself to propel her body to ridiculous speeds but just when she thought she might make it in time she noticed Akane's energy surge anew. The girl's projection sported a smirk that Ranma couldn't have pulled off better and her club came up and around in a swing she had perfected during softball training.

With a mighty grunt she forced the Happo Daikirin back to sender and it exploded more or less squarely in Happosai's face. Both combatants fell down with their auras fizzling and vanishing. Akane from exhaustion and Happosai from being turned into a lump of charcoal.

"All yours," Ranma heard her croak with a rough voice and she knew she couldn't waste any time checking her lover for injury. There was a job to do and Ranma was the right girl to see it through.

No more games.

No more leaving the work to Akane.

The redhead charged at the grounded Master, determined to bring an end to his terror. He hardly had time to raise his hands in defence when Ranma's foot crashed against them.

Two things where obvious to Happosai in an instant. If he hadn't blocked than this kick would have taken his head clean off. And also that this redhead that was burying him under a flurry of assaults knew at least one technique that was seriously dangerous to him. Because he still had little use of his right hand and it didn't look like he would regain that anytime soon.

It was one of the few moments in his unnaturally prolonged life that he was in actual danger of losing. And losing was something that Nejireta Tamashi, otherwise known as Happosai, just didn't do.

"Fuck this," he hissed as he blocked or evaded attack after attack. Using his superior knowledge of the human anatomy he grabbed one of his assailant's arms and twisted it using his own body's momentum. Human muscles and sinews could only take that much abuse. Even a trained martial-artist was no exception from that rule. Few living creatures actually were.

Except maybe for cats.

There was a hiss and Ranma turned around her own axis mid-air, swiping her other hand across Happosai's face. It missed but still the old man screamed in pain as four long furrows appeared on his face and started filling with blood.

"What the..." he cried in shock. "The Nekko-Ken too? What has that fool Genma done?"

But Ranma was in no mood, or unable, to answer that question. Her hands slashed out, again and again. And no matter how fast the old master evaded, in no time his clothes hung in tatters and his body was criss-crossed in painful scratches.

There was no more time for tricks and tactics. This was pure survival. With a scream of anger Happosai reached into the core of his chi and released a mighty chi blast as strong and far-fetching as god's own shotgun blast. It took out trees and rocks and left a broadening, blackened furrow in the ground dozen of feet long. Nothing in the wake of the blast survived. Not even bones or ashes left.

Happosai fell to his knees, cackling.

"That's what you get for messing with the master, kitty!" he laughed at the empty air. "And now I think I earned myself a little something for my efforts."

Turning around to search for the second girl he started calling in a sing-sang voice.

"Hellooooo... Akaaaaneeeee... Your Uncle Happy is..."

His chant fell silent as he completed his turn and again there were two reasons.

One was the fact that Ranma unexpectedly stood before her with a feral expression marring her beautiful features.

The other was the blood-stained, claw-like hand that had just opened a few additional air vents in his throat.

"_You_ ... _never_ ..._hurt_ ..._family_..!" he heard the readhead rather hiss than speak as he dropped to his knees. Happosai's hands desperately tried to knead his own flesh back together. Swaying slightly as the blood seeped through his fingers he looked up at Ranma with the light slowly fading from his eyes.

"Akane... Of course!" the old man wheezed as he held on to life with willpower and old habit mainly. "She's... with child... isn't she?"

Happosai didn't need an answer. He knew it was true. Even if it was not possible between two girls. Even if the spark of life in Akane was way too weak to be easily recognisable.

She was with child.

The girl carried a new life.

So there was still hope left.

Happosai's body fell to the ground, a lifeless bag of old bones and torn flesh. One last moan escaping the lips that had so often heaped insults on injury.

But it was not just life that left him.

There was something like an insubstantial smoke emanating from his mangled body. Tendrils of yellow and green and brown, snaking through the air as if searching for something.

Ranma tentatively swiped at them but unlike with smoke they didn't even seem to get disturbed. It was as if they not even really there. Just an image in the air.

Then they started moving with more intent.

And their target?

Akane!

Ranma knew that the Nekko-Ken was of no use here. So with a lot of willpower and fuelled by rising anxiety she slipped out of it. That technique had a lot of uses but urgent communications were not among them.

"Akane!" she shouted as she ran after the eerie smoke. "Get it out! Get it out NOW!"

...

Akane had been lying on her back, trying to get her feet back under herself. The whole aura ordeal had taken more out of her than she had expected. She had even been too weak to raise her head and watch how Ranma's fight with Happosai was faring. But she wasn't too concerned. After all this was Ranma.

Her Ranma.

The Ranma that slew a half-god to save her.

(And probably will have to do that again if history really repeats itself.)

The Ranma that always came through when it counted.

There was no way he would fail.

Still, she needed to get up, needed to get back into the fight. Not because she doubted him. But because she could not stand the idea of being useless herself when it counted. She always demanded that he took her seriously. Saw her as an equal. But how could he if she just lay back and let him do all the work?

So with her inherent stubbornness, a fair share of willpower and her last reserves she was just about to start getting up when Ranma's urgent shout reached her ears.

"Get it out!"

Get what out?

Then she remembered that disgusting thing Ranma had given her for protection. She didn't want to keep it even anywhere near her but Ranma had insisted on it. For the sake of her own sanity, she had completely forgotten that she still carried it in her pocket. Reaching inside she felt the touch of the ominous fabric and with only two fingers to minimize contact she pulled it out.

"Got it!" she shouted in reply. "Now what?"

"Hold it up! In my direction"

Akane did what she was told, holding the disgusting charm as far away from her body as possible and in the indicated direction.

The smoky tendrils, almost having reached their target, reared at the sudden obstacle. They tried to go around the protective talisman but Akane had by now seen them and instinctively realized that she didn't want them anywhere near her. With no way to go forward the tendrils tried the only way left to them, and that was back to their origin. But Ranma made up the rear and he held the same kind of talisman, blocking any retreat.

The tendrils writhed and coiled amongst themselves, but without a body to host them their existence was doomed to be short-lived.

With a sound like a hateful hiss they reared one last time.

And dissipated.

What followed was a moment of utter silence that seemed to encompass all of existence.

But the moment too was short-lived.

"Is it over?" Akane asked from her half-sitting position.

"Yeah, it's over," Ranma agreed as he dropped down on the ground beside her. "The old freak is history."

"Good."

Then she flung the disgusting piece of unmistakably unwashed and spotty male underwear that had already served its purpose as far away as she could and forced her body to stand up.

"Whatcha doing?" Ranma asked her from her perch on the ground.

"I'm going to where our stuff is," she explained to him plainly. "Then I'm going to grab some water and turn you back into a guy. And then I'm going to fuck you until we both forget that this day ever happened. Got a problem with that?"

Ranma looked at her wide-eyed, still unused to have her state her intentions so plainly.

She hadn't been like that before.

But that didn't mean that Ranma didn't like it.

"No ma'am," she replied as she lightly shook her red mane in the negative. "No problem at all ma'am."

...

Contrary to Akane's announcement neither of the two had the energy for anything more than some heavy petting. For the most part they just recharged their batteries in each other's arms, content with the knowledge that the worst part was over.

Sure, there would still be trouble in the future, but compared to the danger Happosai had posed even another fight against Saffron appeared like a walk in the park.

They made their way down the mountain two hours later with the sun high in the cloudless sky.

Happosai's remains had ended up burried in a nearby ravine. Six foot under, beneath an additional heap of rocks and with a stake through his heart, just to be on the safe side.

Or at least through the spot where ordinary people had a heart. In Happosai's case his body had given suspiciously little resistance to that piece of wood. Maybe it had been an empty shell all along.

As Akane and Ranma came close to the spot where they had spent the night before they came across a search team of the Mountain Rescue Service and an extremely agitated Soun Tendo.

They told their tale of how they had spent the night on the ridge and then got a bit lost in the mountains.

No one doubted their claims. The guys of the Mountain Rescue had no cause for it and Soun knew better than to bring up Akane's primary reason to visit this part of the island. He wisely held back his questions until they were safely back at a hotel where he had spent the night. But once in the private confines of a room there was nothing holding him back any more.

He inquired, or rather demanded to know, what had happened on that mountain. So they told him. Told him how they had lured out Happosai. How they had fought with him. And how they had ended his existence that had continued for far too long.

All those information were simply too much for the poor patriarch of the Tendo family. Soun fell to his knees with his head in his hands. Trapped between elation that the shadow of his master had finally vanished from his life and the impossible truth that his youngest daughter was not only pregnant with the child of a cursed freak but also had willing intercourse with both of his forms. The man started wailing like he hadn't since the death of his second wife and no matter how Akane tried to approach him, he didn't react to any of her efforts.

Finally Ranma had enough of the whole spectacle and he pulled Akane away from her father, figuring that the man needed some time alone.

"Let's call home," he said as he dragged her towards the reception area. "Mom's probably worried sick and ya sisters too."

"You're right. I know you are," Akane agreed dejectedly. "It's just..."

"He's gonna be fine," Ranma assured her as he turned and pulled her into his embrace. "Just wait 'til he's a granddad. He's gonna spoil our kid rotten. You'll see."

Akane couldn't help it. Even in her depressed state she couldn't help but smile at the thought.

"Not if your mother gets to it first," she pointed out. "What do you think? Would they accept shared custody?"

"Well, if not we just have to have another."

He leaned closer and kissed her on the cheek.

"And if that ain't enough one more."

He changed directions to kiss her other cheek.

"And another..."

"Allright, allright, I get it," Akane interrupted him with a weak chuckle. Then she grabbed his head firmly in her hands and kissed him deeply and passionately. And for the moment her worries truly were forgotten.

...

Sometime later, with the phone calls made and the packs packed, the trio sat in a train bound for Tokyo. Soun Tendo hadn't completely recovered from his breakdown but at least he had let himself get herded without resistance. On the train they found a row of empty seats and Akane and Ranma sat next to each other on one side while Soun took a seat opposite of them. He sat there for a while, staring out the window at the passing landscape without taking note while his two companions had a quiet chat.

"So... Nekko-Ken? Seriously?" Akane remarked as she remembered Ranma's recount of the part of the fight she had missed. "I thought you hadn't gotten all your old tricks back. And then you pull something like that?"

"Oi!" Ranma complained playfully. "The cat's always been with me. Ya just gotta know how to... talk to it. It's more of a mind-trick than training. Once ya know how ta do it ya know how ta do it. That's all."

"That's all," Akane aped him, rocking her head left and right to emphasize her ridicule. "You make it sound like everyone could do that."

"Sure thing," Ranma agreed while happily ignoring the taunt. "As long as ya don't mind spending a week or two cuddling with some feral tabbys in an oversized pothole. And if ya don' turn into a friggin' loony after. Yeah, ya can learn it easy."

"Then how comes that you managed to learn it?" Akane inquired even as she nodded to the wisdom of his words. "You did turn into a 'friggin loony' after all..."

"Hah! Shows what you know!" Ranma exclaimed triumphantly. "I was a friggin loony looong before that!"

They managed to keep their respective expressions stable for no more than a couple of seconds. Then they both started snorting with laughter.

Once they both calmed down Ranma smiled at Akane with a twinkle in his eyes but no trace of mockery whatsoever.

"Ya really saved the day, ya know?" he told her in all honesty. "If ya hadn't done that 'Mega-Samurai' thingy I'd really been in a bit of trouble back there."

"A bit? Just a bit?" Akane inquired, her eyebrow rising with the corner of her mouth. "You would have ended up as a stain on the mountainside without me! And you know it!"

"Well maybe, maybe not," Ranma retorted, his expression unchanging. Then he reached out and put one of his hands on top of one of hers. "Still, good thing ya had my back."

For that acknowledgement Akane rewarded him with one of her brighter smiles.

"And don't you ever forget that," she told him as she freed her hand from under his and used it to pat him on shoulder. Then she rose and moved towards the aisle.

"Restroom was that way?" she asked as she nodded in the direction of the engine.

"Guess so," Ranma agreed with a shrug. It wasn't important anyway. Restrooms happened to be in every car. Just pick a direction and walk until you find one. In case you happened to be Ryoga it might be in South Africa. But the general principle was solid.

Ranma was watching Akane's retreating form with an appreciating smile on his lips when Soun, almost forgotten with his silent vigil by the window, suddenly addressed him.

"Do you love her?"

Ranma looked over towards the source of the inquiry, almost surprised that the man had finally found his way back to the rest of them.

"Is that a trick question?" he asked right back. "Yeah. I do love her. Kinda obvious, dont'cha think?"

Soun simply nodded at the pert answer. His expressionless face was still looking out the window.

"What does it feel like?" he asked as emotionless as before. "Remind me. I seem to have... forgotten."

Ranma's eyebrows furrowed as he mulled over the strange question. There were a thousand possible answers and twice as many stupid jokes he could think of. But nothing came even remotely close to describing the truth about love as he saw it.

"Whatcha expect?" he finally asked in response. "A poem? Maybe a song? I know a guy at school that's good with that kind of thing. I could get ya in touch if ya want. As for me, I don't talk that much about it. I'm more into doin'. And that's not even a etchi joke."

With a sigh Ranma leaned back into his seat, sinking as deeply into the cushioning as it would let him.

"I can't really tell ya what's it like. I only know what Akane makes me feel like. And I'm not completely sure that always qualifies as love 'cause sometimes I just could... aaargh"

His hands came up like claws in a gesture of frustration.

"And the next moment she's the most precious than anything else in the world. She's making my blood boil an' my head spin an' she's making me act like a total idiot. Not that I even needed help with that…

I'll never accept a life without her. Never ever..."

Sound nodded in concert with those words, his gaze still focused beyond those sheets of glass.

"Thank you," he finally said, his voice still level but with a hint of emotion in it. "I am glad Akane found someone that feels this passionate about her. But you were right. A poet you certainly are not."

And for the first time this day a hint of a smile appeared on his lips.

...

A couple of hours later and a couple of miles to the east Kasumi heard a noise at the door.

When she stuck her head out of her kitchen she was almost run over by her little sister that seemed in a hurry to greet her.

With her arms full of Akane she was next greeted by her father. He seemed a bit different from his usual self. A bit more muted, almost thoughtful. But at the same time he greeted her as if he actually noticed her presence, as opposed to just passing with hardly more than some automated form of acknowledgement.

The rear was made up by Ranma, ladden with three backpacks as well as the souvenirs Akane had insisted on buying. After he put everything down in a safe place he walked over to join the others.

"Yo, Kasumi!" he greeted her with a big smile adorning his face. "As promised, everyone back in one piece. Told you it's gonna be all riiiiii..."

His sentence was cut short forcefully when the eldest Tendo girl broke free of her sister and pulled him into a tight embrace that would have even forced the Chinese judge to give her full points.

"Thank you," he heard her sigh into his ear. After a quick glance to check if Akane showed any sign of objection he returned the hug lightly.

"Hey, no big deal" he replied tenderly. "Like I said before. Bringing Akane back safely is what I'm all about. Ya dad though, he just kinda tagged along."

That drew a chuckle from Kasumi and she disentangled herself from him, holding Ranma at arm's length so she could look him in the face.

"Even so, thank you for escorting them back safely."

"Aww, man, heh heh," Ranma laughed sheepishly. "It's not that they wouldn't have found their way back on their own."

"Yes, of cause," Kasumi agreed, though with not quite enough conviction to be completely convincing. But then she perked up, slipping back into her well-rehearsed persona.

"You have to be hungry," she said. "All of you, why don't you freshen up while I fix you something? Nabiki should also be back soon. Let's have a nice family dinner, shall we?"

Her proposal had the desired effect of dispelling the slightly awkward atmosphere. Everyone was probably glad to return to more familiar terrain.

And to tell the truth, the promise of Kasumi's cooking always had such an effect on people.

...

Just like Kasumi had promised, Nabiki arrived just a short while later.

True to her nature she was burning to get the scope on what had happened in the mountains. But for tactical reasons she held her curiosity at bay until she was able to drag Ranma into her room with no one else noticing.

"So, what happened?" she asked him in a notably curt fashion.

"What ya mean _what happened_?" he retorted equally eloquent. "We're back and in one piece. That's what happened."

Nabiki was obviously to see the merit of a blunt answer like that.

"Listen kiddo," she snarled at him. "If you like to play word games then you've got the wrong girl. Now tell me everything that happened after you left the house. Or I will bleed you dry. And for once I am not talking about money."

"Allright, allright," Ranma placated with his hands raised in a gesture of surrender.

"I was going to that meeting spot ya told me and waited for that transport ya spoke of. Could have told me though that it was a bike picking me up by the way. So this guy drives up to me and asks if I've seen a 'Hot-bod Redhead' that he was supposed to drive west. I say yes, I can go get her, and then I go changing. So then I'm back an' that guy is all grins an' he's driving like a lunatic, trying to impress me or something. Good thing ya can really talk at that speed he was going but I almost punched him in the nuts when we got there an' he tried to hit on me like some lame-ass delinquent. Anyway, I got rid of him and still had twenty-something minutes for the train to arrive. The rest was waiting an' trailing an' waiting some more 'til Akane did something stupid. Actually I didn't have to wait too long on that account. Half the way up the mountain she fell right down again."

When Nabiki's eyes widened in alarm Ranma held up a hand and smirked at her.

"Don't worry, she was just a bit clutzy, like always. Well, ya dad ran off to get some help so I figured playtime's up. Ya should have seen her face when I suddenly popped up on the ridge she had made a facedive into," he remarked with a chuckle.

Nabiki, not prone to a bit of schadenfreude (*), found herself snickering too.

"Well, to keep things short, I took her to a good spot to spend the night and we camped there. The next morning we set out to find Happosai. And we did. And now we're back. Didn't even forget to pick up ya Dad. An' that's it basically."

"That's it?" Nabiki asked with no intention to buy that he had told her all the important parts.

"Yeah, that's it," Ranma repeated unimpressed. "Listen, we are back. Happosai will never show up again. If I tell ya anything more ya either gotta go to the cops or ya gonna commit complicity or whatsit called. Ya really that curious?"

Nabiki knew he was right. Damn that guy, but she knew it. Still, she was that curious. Almost.

"I hate to say it but you got a point," she agreed after a short but intense internal struggle. "I guess sometimes ignorance _is_ bliss."

Ranma smirked in a surprisingly emphatic fashion and patted her on the shoulder.

"I know, right?" he said. "Now come on, let's get down an' have some chow. Can't wait to hear ya dad make up some grand old story about his heroic search for his li'l girl..."

(* Seriously? The same German word in UK and US because you guys only got "malicious joy" otherwise? Why don't you have your own word for something so basic? You got all those home-video shows on TV over there, so no use telling me it's because you're all Saints… :-P)

...

Considering the little time she had for preparation, Kasumi really outdid herself with dinner.

Since she had done all the hard work already, Ranma insisted that he would take care of the various dishes she had provided. His actions did not stem purely from the kindness of his heart. Out in the living room Akane was getting grilled by Nabiki concerning the events of the last two days and he knew that Kasumi was just dying to be a part of the conversation. At the same time Ranma was all too happy to get out of the line of fire. He had gotten a lot better at non-leathal communication, well, compared to his earlier years. But he knew when to retreat against impossible odds. Such as conversations over dinner with a curious Nabiki present and secrets to be unravelled by a thoughtless remark. That was something Akane was so much better equipped for than he was. And therefore he left the field to his soon to be wife (again).

Akane didn't disappoint him when it came to withstanding the scrutiny of her sisters. She told them about the trip to the mountains but stayed rather vague when it came to the reason of her father's abduction. Nabiki for her part was torn between her unbound curiosity and the knowledge that what she unearthed might stick to her quite uncomfortably.

Also there were enough hints that whatever was the cause of Akane's little extravaganza not only overshadowed their little family as a whole but also had special implications for her older sister. And while Nabiki usually had a way of caring that was easy to overlook amidst her snide remarks and the teasing, she was willing to give an arm and a leg to keep Kasumi from harm.

So between Nabiki not digging too deep and Akane providing comparably little to dig into and Kasumi being her usual pleasing persona, dinner went by without any disturbing revelations.

Soun, like Ranma predicted, told his story about Akane's accident and the ensuing search with a little embellishment here and there. Nobody believed the part about the bear and the North Korean spies but it was entertaining and so no one bothered to question the validity of his claims.

Not alone his daughters though noticed that something had changed with the man. His presence seemed different. As if he had stopped staring at his own feet and started looking at his surroundings instead. He seemed aware of what happened at the table and with his girls. How they talked and teased and laughed. And it seemed he had come to grips with the amorous way Akane and Ranma were interacting.

And also, he was the first to comment on those missing at the table.

"By the way, where are Hibiki-kun and that Chinese girl?" Soun asked right as dessert was being served.

"Oh! Them..." Nabiki answered as if noticing their absence only now. "When Ranma went after the two of you that Hibiki-guy screamed something about running off again and hurried after him. And where he goes Shampoo goes. I take it they didn't catch up with you?"

"Hey Ranma, you're the expert," Akane remarked towards the help that was currently balancing a stack of used tableware en route to the kitchen. "Do you think he's in the wrong Alps?" (*)

"Naaaa..." came the answer from her intended. "That would still be too close to where he wants to go. Scenery wise anyway. So either he's in a dessert along the equator by now or Shampoo caught up with him. Then I'd check the love-hotels nearby."

"I feel a bit sorry for that poor Shampoo," Kasumi remarked as she fidgeted in her unusual position as someone being served. "Always having to run after her hubby."

"Oh, I don't know," Nabiki injected with a sly grin. "She seems to rather enjoy that part."

"True that," Akane agreed with her and directed a telling gaze towards the kitchen where Ranma had just vanished. "After all, most of the time the chase _is_ better than the catch..."

"Oi! I heard that!" the guy in the kitchen complained through the door. But his protest got drowned out by the girls giggling.

(*The Hida Mountains are also called the Japanese Alps. The actual Alps would be that Mountain range in Europe as you most likely know.)

...

Later that day, with the sun having set in the west, Ranma finally got some time alone with Akane outside by the koi pond.

There they sat quietly, each with a cup of hot chocolate and a shoulder to lean to. It was nice, after the chaos of the last couple of days. And it helped with the burden of Happosai's death by their hands that chose these quiet moments to come knocking.

Not that they doubted to have done the right thing. Between self-preservation and the protection of the general public there had been little choice in that matter. The duty of vengeance for what had been inflicted on the female side of their respective families not even taken into account.

But still, a kill was a kill. And while Ranma at least had memories of having gone down that road before, to Akane all this was new territory.

"You know," Ranma suddenly broke the silence, well aware of what was going through his love's head. "At the end that was more of an exorcism than anything else."

"Yeah. I know," Akane agreed in a quiet voice. "I do remember what he was like after all. But still..."

"But still he was too dangerous to let life," Ranma finished her sentence with a voice that permitted no contradiction. "Happosai was the worst thing a martial-artist can become. All the power an' no morals. He prob'ly was more of a demon than the real thing. Besides, ya didn't kill him. Ya only stopped him from possessing our baby. Or foetus or…egg? Whatever it is yet."

To indicate what he was referring to he reached out for the girl's still flat stomach and lightly drew circles with the flat of his hand. Akane reached down and grabbed that hand, squeezing it and then directing it to where her heart started to beat a bit faster from just his light caress. As his hand explored the newly assigned playground the girl reached up and drew his head over for a kiss.

"I'm sorry for forcing you into this," she whispered. "If I hadn't run off like that you would have had more time to get prepared."

"Idiot..." That insult sounded surprisingly amiable the way he intoned it. "If we'd waited some more the old freak would have shown up all rested an' ready to go. An' _you_ might have been already too pregnant to fight. Which means _I_ would have had to handle him alone. Not a nice prospect. Besides, all's well that ends well an' stuff, ya know?"

Akane looked at the face in front of her. At those blue eyes shimmering like midnight lakes under that mop of black hair. That roguish grin that for once did not seem to mock her. He didn't look anything like a prince from a fairy-tale and still he was everything she ever could have wished for.

"So, this is our 'Happily ever after' now?" she asked in accordance to that line of thinking. "You and me and our kids in our little dojo?"

Her voice had become a bit too husky for that type of question she had to admit. But that was Ranma's fault, letting his hand roam freely where she had put it. She was just reacting to his… massage.

"Yeah, right, 'Happily ever after'. As if..." she heard him mock her gently, probably all too aware of the cause for her half-lidded eyes. "This ain't no Disney movie, ya know? We gonna be teenage-parents, that's gonna be tough enough. We gotta find the old pervert's stashes an' return the loot to the proper owners. And we gotta try and find a way to explain ya grandma to ya sisters without causin' too much damage. Oh, an' even if we avoid Azusa and that Sanzenin jerk, which should be easy as long as we stay away from the ice, we still gonna get dragged into that match with Kodachi in a couple of weeks. An' ya realize that's just the beginning, dontcha?"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," Akane replied in a voice that was more impatient than anything else. "There's no rest for the wicked. Now would you please shut up and start ki…"

She didn't have to ask him twice.

Obviously, she only got to ask him half.

After that their communication got a little too basic for words. But that was okay.

Who needs a 'Happily ever after' if you can be ecstatic in the here and now?

…

End Chapter 10

Author's notes: One more to go!


	11. Here's how it went down (Epilogue)

**Square 1/2**

Epilogue: „Here's how it went down"

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin

* * *

**There might be dragons!**

Final warning!

_Herein lies an account of what caused our heroes to take down an old pervert._

_It was an evil thing and bloody and those with a graphic imagination might want to take up arms against either the old fart or the author. Probably against both._

_Enter at your own risk_

_..._

:ÔoÔ:

...

_Four years after Happosai's death. Somewhere in the Bayakala Mountain range._

…

Ku-lon's head snapped up as she woke from her little nap.

What had awoken her she didn't know but there was one gigantic headache coming along the kind she never had experienced before. The cause was a jumble of memories that suddenly flooded her mind. She already had way too many of those and the new batch threatened to blow her brains to pieces.

Cursing inwardly she prepared a herbal remedy from her private stash of medicines and then settled back down while smoking her pipe to sort through the new arrivals. Memory lane suddenly appeared to her like a two lanes road that spanned the last 4 years or so, with a barrier of barbed wire in the middle that hurt her each time she tried to cross from one side to the other.

She freshly remembered Nerima, her son-in-law and all that entailed. Including a catastrophe that almost vanquished the whole of her tribe.

And at the same time she clearly remembered her great-granddaughter returning triumphantly with a groom in tow. A man with a weird penchant to get lost. But otherwise that man was the very picture of what a new addition to the tribe should be like. Strong and sturdy and easily controllable by a clever woman.

Ku-lon had suspected for quite some time that this guy's habit of getting lost was something Xian-pu did not mind as much as she pretended to. That girl had always wanted to see the world outside of the tribe and that Ryoga gave her many excuses to do exactly that. While leaving the care of the great-great-granddaughters to Ku-lon. But the old woman didn't really mind that part either, to be honest.

Mu-tzu though, the boy that always had his little remaining eyesight on Xiam-pu, had been a bit of a problem at first.

He had challenged the groom again and again in a vain effort for the bride's hand. Xiam-pu's groom had been able to defeat him every time though and as luck would have it Mu-tzu's affections were swayed after a while. Not by logic or facts but by the girl that nursed him back to health every time he got defeated. She wasn't as beautiful as Xiam-pu nor was she as great a warrior. But she was empathic and patient and open about her affection for him.

Now Mu-tzu was blind in many ways but he wasn't without a heart. And once it opened for that girl the tiniest amount she dug deeper until the entirety of it was hers. They turned into quite the happy couple and Mu-tzu proved the rumour that blind men had a superior sense of touch many times over.

Some of the sounds coming from the married couple's home even made Xiam-pu look up with something like envy on her face.

All this was quite a contrast to the parallel memories of futile chases and plans going haywire. Had she really been that stubborn about dragging the wild horse into a marriage with her little girl? Or was it just her own arrogance blinding her against the impossibility of the odds?

Frankly, as far as she could tell, even after just a week or two in Nerima, this guy and his reluctant fiancée were basically inseparable. For those able to see, the both of them were not just connected by the string of fate. It was more like a frigging rope.

And then her stupid co-elders had agreed to harbour the very man that had almost succeeded in cutting that rope in two. Stupid idea. Stupid, stupid, stupid…

Ranma came over the village like the rage of the gods and he wasn't held back by his usual respect for life.

Not for the life of others.

Certainly not for his own.

You could easily tell that the man himself had the least interest in Ranma Saotome's continued existence.

And had the old bell not been amongst the first instalment of Happosai's protection fee.

And had Ku-lon not noticed the frayed rope curving in on itself.

Who knows, maybe she would have granted his wish as retribution for what he had done to all that was precious to her.

But Ku-lon, like no other Amazon alive, understood the kind of pain Happosai was able to cause. And the helpless rage that came with it.

The wish for a volatile release.

The wish to burn out and be done with it.

She remembered grabbing the Huíshēng yuán (*) and striking it on Ranma's head in the hopes of successfully sending his very core back to the day he received the curse, even without the usual ceremony and drugs involved.

Well, considering that she just got that memory back, chances were that she had been successful.

And that boy, too.

(* Huíshēng yuán translates to "Echo of the Spring(s)" if you ask Google. It's probably the wrong dialect though. Sorry 'bout that.)

...

"Great-grandmother?" Ku-lon heard Xiam-pu call after having knocked on her door. "Someone came to see you."

Breaking away from her reminiscence the old amazon put a hand to her aching head.

"Who is it?" She inquired, unwilling to let the pain enter her voice but not too keen on social interaction either.

"It's the Saotomes," her great-granddaughter answered dutifully. "Shall I tell them that this is a bad time?" the young woman continued unusually perceptive to the slight hints of stress in her elder's voice.

The Saotomes, huh? So Ranma probably had a hunch of what this day entailed for her.

"It's alright, dear," she simply replied. "Let them in."

A few moments later Ranma and Akane Saotome stood in the room, bowing curtly as they greeted her. Ku-Lon allowed herself a moment to take in the sight of them. And they were a sight to behold. Each of them an impressive specimen of their respective gender. And that was without counting Ranma's cursed form and what it entailed.

Ranma Saotome, a 20 years old Japanese male by the looks of him, ruggedly handsome and with a powerful yet deceptively slender body. Shiny eyes that sparkled with mischief beneath a black mop of hair and an easy smile that that could charm you as quickly as it could drive you to madness. He was a dangerous entity on so many levels, voluntarily and otherwise. If not for the woman by his side, who could tell how much greater the chaos surrounding his person might become. Well, thanks to that little epiphany today Elder Ku-Lon had a pretty good estimate of the level of destruction that man was capable of. And this made the existence of his wife something of a godsend. Especially from the point of view of an Elder of a matriarchal community.

Akane Saotome, born Tendo. A strange concept for Ku-Lon that a woman would take on her man's surname. But such were the customs in uncivilized lands like Nippon. Male-centred and unreasonable. Still, Akane was an amazon in all but title. Strong, unyielding and beautiful. Her Art had only helped to shape a body as fit for combat as it was for seduction. And she had been gifted with the empathy and the wisdom to know exactly when to employ which aspect to keep her husband under control. Her already beautiful face with those expressive brown eyes and the fine lines that spoke of frequent laughter was hiding the most fearsome weapon in her arsenal. A smile so powerful that it put many of the amazon's treasured drugs and techniques to shame when it came to making males bow to her will. To tell the truth, even females had a hard time to go against her once she deployed it. By no means all that made Akane Saotome a perfect woman. Even after spending a lot of time and effort she still was a hazard in the kitchen and her temper was still a force of nature once stirred.

So no, Ranma and Akane Saotome were by no means perfect people each on their own. But they surely suited each other perfectly. There was not the slightest doubt about that.

"Honoured Elder," the couple offered respectfully toward the ancient Elder in viable Chinese. "Thank you for seeing us."

"Now now, none of that," Ku-lon demanded, waving her hand at the young couple. "Here, sit down. Have some tea."

She ushered the pair towards a table and some chairs were they all sat down comfortably. Once she had served them the promised tea she looked up at Ranma specifically, expecting him to be the driving force behind that little surprise visit.

"So, what brings you here this fine day?" she inquired nonchalantly. "You didn't run afoul of the people in Jusendo like during your last visit?"

"Naaah… we behaved ourselves," Ranma replied without any sign of remorse at being remembered of the chaos at Safron's place. "We brought our boy after all. Can't give him a bad example, now can we?"

"Apart from bad table manners and foul language?" Akane supplied helpfully and with an innocent expression.

"Awww come on, I'm trying to do better, okay," Ranma quipped back, having the courtesy to blush after remembering what happened at their last pit-stop on the way here.

"Ahhh, it's so much trouble raising two boys," Akane sighed as she turned, winking at Ku-lon. "But give me another couple of years and I've got them housebroken. Well, at least Chitoge doesn't come after her father..."

Ku-lon didn't miss the indignant frown the young man shot towards his wife. She didn't miss the fact that they were holding hands beneath the table either.

"So, is this purely a social call or are you here for something else?" the Elder inquired bluntly. She hadn't got to her position of power by simply waiting for things to come to her. So why start now?

She saw Ranma look at his wife and Akane give an encouraging nod. Then she heard his sigh and knew what he had come for was something big. Not necessarily bad, but important none the less.

"You know," he finally began his story. "Today is a weird day for me. There were certain _circumstances_ that made me remember a lot of things that happened up until today. Not like a premonition. More like… things that already happened? I mean, a lot of them didn't happen anyway because I remembered them but..." He scratched his head, looking at his wife with a searching expression. "I guess after today that's gonna be the first new tomorrow in a while. It's a bit spooky, really."

He reached down and grabbed something from a bag he had kept close by. What he retrieved from there was an intricately carved box with scenes of the cursed springs running around the length of it. The lid was a dome formed in the shape of a bell. Ku-lon didn't need to check to know what was hidden inside.

"So, the thing is, this is probably the last of the treasures Happosai has taken from you guys. I'd given it back sooner but..."

"You were afraid that the spell would be broken if someone rang it before the time was up?" Ku-lon hazarded a guess. It wasn't too hard to figure out his motives.

"Uh...Yeah… Something like that..:" Ranma agreed, looking sheepishly from her to his wife and back. But suddenly he perked up, realizing the apparent reason for the old woman to ask a question like that.

"Soooo, I take it that means that… you remember?" he asked with equal part respect and worry. After all, if Ku-lon remembered what he had done to her people, chances were that she'd want revenge. On the other hand, it was her that had used that bell on him in the first place. So maybe there was still hope that he'd get out of this unscathed.

"Yes. I do remember," the ancient amazon granted as her expression lost the smile she had worn up until then.

"I remember every broken body nurturing the soil with their blood.

I remember every burning home, turning to ash centuries of our history.

I remember every whimper and every pained cry as families were torn apart and destroyed in a pointless fight to the death.

All because of the empty hearts of youth and the foolish pride of the old ones.

I remember and I will never forget.

As a warning for myself and out of respect for the fallen, even though they still live.

But..."

Ku-lon dropped the mask of the Elder she usually wore and sagged as if the air of her following sigh had been all that had held the proud posture upright. Never before had she been showing her age like in that very moment.

"I don't blame you any more for what you did than I can blame my fellow Elders for accepting Happosai's conditions. Maybe even less so. After all they should have known that our village was no match for whatever scared even that old lunatic. He was nothing if not powerful after all."

The old woman reached for the box with a questioning glance directed at Ranma. He handed it to her without a further word. That earned him the hint of a smile on the old one's face as she turned the box over in her hands.

"You know, without proper explanations this thing is pretty useless," she finally admitted as her smile broadened to something like a grin. "That never would have worked if it hadn't been the two of you."

Ranma looked at her, a frown forming on his features.

"So you knew about Akane?" he simply asked in a low, expressionless tone.

Ku-lon returned his questioning gaze with one of her own.

"Did you honestly believe I'd leave the future of the Jokutzusoku in the hands of a raging boy with no female guidance? Of course I knew! But if I had told you so, could you honestly claim that you would have listened to me? Considering the way you were?"

Ku-lon's bony hand shot out to point at a surprised-looking Akane.

"Without her inside of you, I simply would have cut my losses and taken revenge for my people. She was the reason that I decided to risk losing all of our treasures a second time. She and your love for her had been the only reason that I dared to lend all of that knowledge to someone that might just as well come back to finish what he started.

I am glad that you've proven your trustworthiness but back then, what I did was nothing but a gamble.

My bet was on Akane.

Not on you."

Ranma stared at her blankly, a little stupefied by the passion in the old woman's voice. But after a moment he turned towards his wife.

"_Guess that's ya win this time 'round_," he told her in his native Japanese. As always when he lost at any form of competition he seemed a little put off by the fact. But considering reactions from his earlier years he acted gallant in comparison.

"_Told you she didn't do it simply out of the kindness of her heart,_" Akane commented with a smug expression. "_And that makes nine wins to your seven this week. Not that I'm counting..._"

"_Yeah right,_" Ranma agreed with a pout and a slight glare. "_As if ya'd never lord every tiny lead over me._"

But his irritation wasn't one to last and pretty quick his smile was back on. Akane being in a good mood always had that effect on him.

...

The Saotomes spend the rest of the day watching their son play with Ryoga's and Xiam-Pu's two daughters and as well as other kids their age.

It was a good thing that Akane and Ryoga had somewhat warmed up to one another. Well, Akane had her memories of her friendship with Ryoga. But also of his betrayal of her trust in the guise of P-Chan. Ryoga had neither, but he got to know her caring side, mostly from watching her with her kids and Ranma. So after a few encounters the insults stopped more or less and when they resurfaced it was mostly in the form of some light banter.

Whenever he happened across the Saotomes these days, either in China or Japan or somewhere more exotic, it was a joyous occasion. More so if Xiam-Pu accompanied him. She and Akane had become good friends and neither Ryoga nor Ranma dared to sabotage their sporadic get-together with one of their habitual slug fests.

So the two couples sat together with Xiam-Pu's great-grandmother in the shade of a tree, enjoying a little barbecue and life in general.

At one point Ryoga wandered off to get another batch of drinks from their house only to have Xiam-pu notice his absence a few moments later with a curse and a sprint in the wayward direction he had ambled off into. Then Akane herself had to chase after the kids that had somehow managed to run from sight while playing.

That left Ranma and Ku-lon alone under the tree.

They sat there, chatting for a bit about inconsequential stuff. But they both were aware that there were still some things unresolved and so it came as little surprise to Ranma when Ku-lon finally addressed one of those.

"Would I ask too much if I'd want you to tell me what exactly he did to your wife? The first time around?" the old woman inquired while looking in the direction where the exciting squealing of the children came from.

"That _he_ wouldn't happen to be Happosai, would it?" the man sitting by her side and looking roughly in the same direction as her responded.

"Yes, that's the one."

Ku-lon heard a tired sigh from next to her and she didn't have to look at her companion to know what expression he might be wearing. One of reluctance probably. And a painful one from remembering.

"If you'd asked Happosai he probably never did anything wrong. He just was fulfilling his duty like a good Master should, to make sure his disciples married a woman that could give back nice strong heirs to the school.

But well, you know what he was like when his oh so good intentions happened to face opposition. He bullied his way through and in the end he got what he wanted. From Akane's mother. And from mine, too.

But when it came to me an Akane, he hit a wall. Actually, he hit more than just a wall…"

Ku-lon could almost taste the satisfaction in his words and it did not take much of her imagination to picture a grim smile on his face.

"We didn't hear from him for a couple of months and when he finally showed up again Akane was close to giving birth and Happosai acted as if he was content doing his usual routines. You know, hunting for underwear and getting drunk and stuff.

Should have known though that it wasn't over yet. Blame it on wishful thinking on my part that he got the drop on us the way he did."

This time Ku-lon turned her head to look at Ranma. He looked a bit pale. His mouth as thin a line as if it was just a cut from a sharp blade. The eyes beneath the looming shadows of his brows though burned with an anger that even his successful revenge hadn't been able to quench completely.

"Pop never really opposed the Master when mom's number came up. He'd made a deal with the old pervert that her mind would be wiped afterwards, so no damage done, right? So he allowed for her to get raped. And don't tell me it was anything other than that. Then her memory got locked away.

But not deep enough that she'd ever let any guy touch her again in any way intimate. Should have figured pop would never have left such a beautiful woman like mom behind if he ever got any..."

Ranma's voice stopped. And for a short moment Ku-lon wondered if he'd continue at all. But he did.

"One night I woke up in my bed. I was lying on my side and I saw Akane looking back at me. But something wasn't right.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't speak.

And Akane...

Akane, she had tears in her eyes.

You know, I noticed black petals all over the bed and I figured Kodachi probably had a relapse or something. But in reality it was much worse than that.

I couldn't even turn my head and I could hardly see it from the corner of my eyes. But someone was kneeling on Akane's side of the bed. Down by her legs.

Someone with some big-ass knife.

I saw it glinting in the dark, you know?

I saw it go up and down and up and down…

And Akane was moving every time that damn blade did that.

I saw the pain on her face. She knew exactly what was happening. And she knew that she would end up dead any moment.

But Akane didn't look scared.

I was too panicked right then to really appreciate that but she was honestly more worried about what would happen to me once she was gone.

That stupid tomboy..."

His voice broke with those words and Ranma fell silent. Ku-lon didn't pressure him to continue. She knew he would do so on his own. And her patience got rewarded.

"The sawing stopped after a while.

And then I saw my mom, my own damn mother, all smeared with blood and cradling my unborn child in her arms.

The baby was still moving at first, you know?

Mom just stood there, right behind Akane. With our firstborn in her arms and singing a lullaby. All happy and caring and with the weirdest, creepiest smile on her face I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of those.

And then our baby stopped moving.

And Mom started screaming.

And Akane died.

And somewhere from behind the bedroom door I could hear Happosai snickering.

Snickering!

He was having a frigging ball watching Akane die!

Watching our baby die!

Watching my mom go nuts!

If for nothing else, that's something I would have killed him for!

I don't know for how long he watched before he got bored and scuttled off. But I know that by the time I could move again he was gone.

And Akane was dead.

And my mom had gone completely insane.

Half from her memories coming back and half from what she did because of that cursed pressure point Happosai replaced the old one with.

And me?

I had no better idea than to marinade myself in alcohol.

Honestly, I poured anything down my throat that promised me even a second of ignoring those memories.

That worked for a while. Somehow.

But only until Nabiki showed up.

You've never really seen vengeance until you've seen Nabiki when she's getting down to business. I mean, she had that pure, white-hot anger burning in her. Honestly, if she'd gotten her hands on Happosai, I fully believe that he would have died with _interest_.

If you know what I mean.

But I'm sure you'll believe me when I say that Nabiki is nothing if not practical-minded. She knew that she could not easily find anyone else that could take the fight to the old pervert. So instead she went to some lengths to straighten me out instead, getting me sober and pointing me in the right direction.

Straight towards Happosai. And so I did. Going at it like some god-damn Cruise Missile.

And you already know how that turned out..."

Suddenly and unexpectedly, Ranma heard something like a cackle from the old woman next to him. But it was a dry sound, without any trace of humour.

"Do you know what the greatest crime is for the Joketsuzokou?" she asked him once the strange sound had died down. "It's rape. In our society there is no excuse for rape. Any warrior in our tribe that allows a crime like that to go unpunished, knowingly or otherwise, would be branded and cast out. Any member of our tribe found out for committing such a crime would pay through a thousand deaths. And to think that half our people had been vanquished in the defence of someone that not only committed this atrocity twice but also killed the victim of his third attempt…

Truly, the gods must have gotten tired of our arrogance..."

For once in his life Ranma kept his mouth shut. He understood that Ku-lon wasn't really talking to him in the first place. He was simply conveniently present.

She didn't say anything else, lost in her thoughts on the cruel jests of fate. And Ranma had his own thoughts to pursue. But then he found that he had still one question to ask.

"In your experience as an Elder..." he wondered aloud, "or maybe more as a wife and a mother, that with your kids and grandkids and then their kids, too... Does there ever come a time when you stop worrying? I mean... I know that Akane can look after herself. And Raku and Chitoge are great kids and all that. But still, if anything would to happen to them... I don't know... if I could take it."

He hung his head, hiding the pained expression on his face from the world.

"Not ever again," he added quietly.

Ku-lon, woken from her reverie by this honest and slightly unexpected admittance of weakness, looked up towards Ranma. She saw his sincerity and his sorrow, written plainly on what was visible of his face.

Somehow he seemed still too young for the expression painted on his features. Well, if nothing else he had earned an equally honest answer. And so she gave it to him.

"The day you stop worrying about that," she said with all the authority and wisdom of a lifetime of guiding the young, "is the day you stop caring. You don't have to witness death to feel like this. And if that happens to grate at you, it has nothing to do with how you came into this world.

If you love someone then you will worry about them. That's the price everyone has to pay. Me and you, and Akane as well.

I'm convinced that she is just as scared of losing you as you are of losing her. So make sure to not make her worry. And I'm sure that she'll do the same for you."

Ranma slowly nodded as he listened to her words. There was a hint of a smile on his face as well as a determined expression, as he stood up in one fluid motion.

"Leave it to an old ghoul to sound like the I-Ging," he told her with a lack of respect that would have caused severe punishment in the near future for anyone else. "Still, I think I'll take that to heart."

"So what will you do now?" Ku-lon inquired as she chose to ignore his lack of manners. Again.

"Well, for starters I'll go and find my wife," Ranma replied with a shrug. "And then I'll show her that I'm fine. And _very_ much alive..."

"Good. You recover quickly. That's a useful trait in a man," Ku-lon couldn't help remarking. But then she got serious again. "But Ranma? Promise me that you'll treasure her. There can be no third chance. I hope you're aware of that?"

Ranma just nodded, feeling like any greater gesture would be simply useless decoration.

"I already do," he simply stated. "But anyway, thank you for your concern."

Like an afterthought and accompanied by a nod of his head he added "…honoured Elder".

Then he set out to find his wife.

...

Akane was herding the wayward group of kids back towards the village when she suddenly got ambushed by a strong pair of arms and a slightly aggressive pair of lips.

"_Ranma? What brought this about?"_ she asked in her native tongue after the first wave of endorphins had washed over her.

"_Nothing much_," her husband replied with a flushed face and a crooked grin. "_Though a certain Elder insisted that I better report to my dear wife more regularly so that she doesn't have to worry 'bout me doing something stupid_."

"_Did she now_?" Akane asked with a grin on her own. "_Well, I guess I should thank her for the good counsel then. Since you're usually such a pain to look after, you know_?"

"_Later sugar_," Ranma replied simply, "_I'm not done with reporting yet_..."

Akane held up a hand to stop his approaching lips and demonstratively looked towards the wide-eyed group of children.

"_Ranmaaa_," she reminded him in a low voice. "_We're not alone_..."

Her loving husband gazed at her with a calculating look on his face. Then he addressed his son.

"_Hey Raku_," he told the little boy, "_Granny Ku-lon got some sweets for ya an,' ya friends. She should still be under that tree if ya hurry_."

"_Whoa! Really? Yay_!" was all they heard before the kid raced off towards the unsuspecting Elder. Seeing him go his companions were instantly hot on his heels with shouts of excitement and the boundless energy of the youngest.

As they vanished in a cloud of dust Ranma returned his attention back to his wife.

"_So... you were saying.._?" he asked her innocently but with a smile that was way too smug. Akane knew she would have to reprimand him for that. Sometime later maybe.

"_Oh, just shut up_," she complained not too seriously. She seized the initiative and pushed him into the conveniently deep grass by the wayside. Then she dove right after him with a childish giggle.

And so Ranma did get his chance to report to his wife that he was alive and well and very healthy at that. And as it happened, so was Akane, quite obviously.

They both drew great joy from that knowledge.

But not alone from the theoretic part.

Wink, wink.

Nudge, nudge.

Say no more...

...

A couple of days later the small family returned home to Nerima.

Loaded with a myriad of gifts, not just for themselves but for the usual Nerimans as well.

There were gifts for Dr. Tofu as well as for Kasumi. Partially to celebrate the fact that the eldest daughter of Soun Tendo now was officially a certified wet-nurse. Partially to celebrate the impending birth of what should be twins. But mostly for her upcoming wedding, one of the reasons the Saotomes had to cut their journey short.

Another batch was for Ukyou Kuonji, a local okonomiyaki chef and very close friend of the Saotomes. That woman loved to experiment with new recipes and the packages were probably stuffed to the brim with the strangest of ingredients. Ukyou had given up on her plans for revenge pretty fast when her supposed nemesis and his girlfriend had pretty much welcomed her with open arms. It was confusing at first but she was not the kind of person that repaid kindness with atrocity. Oh well, at least not for long.

And since the both of them really helped out with opening "U-Chan's", working as regulars whenever school or some of their weird adventures would allow it, there was really no point to lord that whole engagement mess over them.

And next thing she knew Ukyou happened to be Raku's godmother and a part of the couple's extended family. And that was only the first year!

But all in all the young okonomiyaki-chef was more than happy with her lot in life. As long as she was regularly provided with new things to put into her creations.

Hence the packets.

Another gift was for Grandmother Kamiya.

That old woman had been a hard nut to crack. Even for the combined power of the Tendo girls. It had taken quite the effort to even meet with her.

At first she only agreed to receive Kasumi. But after a couple of such rather short encounters Nabiki managed to sneak into these meetings. Matching the old woman's sharp tongue word for word she proved a way better conversation partner than her older sibling. For once Akane was the last one to be allowed in. But her stubbornness and not at least the way Ranma hovered around her protectively obviously convinced the old girl that the legacy of her daughters was far from being finished.

Surprisingly enough, in the long run meeting her grandchildren did wonders for the grandmother's health. Getting to know her grandchild's husband, and soon after that her great-grandson too, only added to that.

So yes, she was still going strong, even after the two years were up.

Well that much should have been obvious. Who'd send a gift to a corpse, right?

One of the last packets was for a rather weird case.

And this is Nerima standard

The packet probably contained seeds or saplings and things like that. It was for a woman that surely did not have to rely on gifts to get her hands on exotic botany. Because she was filthy rich actually. Plus she had the looks and the ancestry to stand at the very top of the social food chain. So why would average folks have to bring her gifts from the likes of the Joketsuzokou?

Two reasons.

Number one was that the Chinese amazons and Kodachi Kuno shared a penchant for mind-blowing chemical experimentation. Quite literally.

Number two is a bit more difficult to explain.

As Ranma had correctly predicted about four years back, the challenge of the St. Hebeke Gymnastics team had been dumped onto Akane with no real way out. Still, between her returning memories and Ranma's (mostly) serious support, Akane Tendo won the fight and gained herself a new rival.

The fact that Tatewaki Kuno still spouted his proclamations of love for Akane day in, day out, did not help his sister to forget about that shameful defeat. Plus, the girl did have a history of obsessiveness.

So it happened that Kodachi Kuno actually transferred to Furinkan High to, "Get her revenge on Akane Tendo and destroy her happiness!" Ranma had quite some fun with that particular proclamation.

Well, Akane's surname changed rather soon afterwards, as well as the size of her clothes. Pregnancy can be a real problem if you are supposed to wear a specific uniform.

What surprised most people though was the fact that Kodachi stopped her efforts at poisoning or assaulting Akane once her belly got too pronounced to hide. When asked about it she stated that she had no intention to risk harming an unborn child. Obviously even Kodachi wasn't that far gone.

Even when little Raku got born and almost every girl in the school fawned over the new-born, she held back. When Ranma asked her about the reason, half out of suspicion and half out of curiosity, she simply told him that any form of drugs or stress would be 'bad for the milk'.

Shortly afterwards there was a bit of an argument between Ranma and Akane, nothing too unusual between those two. The reason was, quote, "a stupid idea and way too dangerous!" But being the stubborn tomboy her husband always accused her of being, Akane could not be convinced of the futility of her plan.

The next day, cradling her baby in her arms, she searched for Kodachi in the lunch-crowd. Spotting her in a remote corner of the yard, Akane sought her out. Against every protest by her husband, who had followed her in not so secret and Kodachi, who didn't really understand what was happening, she placed the little bundle of joy into her rival's arms.

That was it.

Kodachi was a goner.

The first time Raku opened his eyes and cackled, reaching for a strand of her hair that was dangling in front of his nose, Kodachi Kuno was hopelessly in love with a Saotome boy once more.

In a way Ranma was proven right, though. Kodachi striving for Raku's happiness led her to clash with Akane almost more frequently than before. But whatever the argument, one whimper from Raku and a temporary truce was called.

That strange power of his son left Ranma in awe. After all, when Ranma whimpered the argument had usually already ended. And his head hurt.

And so it came that Kodachi, too became a part of the extended Saotome family.

And when the second baby became due, the now marginally more stable woman was even asked to become the child's godmother. She refused, claiming that her heart belonged to Raku, and Raku alone.

That lasted pretty much until the day Chitoge was born.

In the end Chitoge could call a weird, overbearing godmother her own. And promptly got drowned in gifts herself.

It was a bit of a bother for the young parents and a pretty tumultuous time. Especially once Nodoka and Kodachi started to vie for little Chitoge's affection. But you couldn't blame Kodachi for not caring enough. And given their history, both Ranma and Akane were glad that their kids would have a secured future if anything ever should happen to both of them.

With Ukyou, Kodachi and Nodoka at the ready, the gods help anyone that stood between those three and the Saotome kids.

So all in all, Kodachi had earned her gift.

Weirder things have happened.

At least in Nerima they did.

On a side-note, Soun got a honourable mention but no gift.

Genma, even though he had long since found his way home, went completely unmentioned.

...

"So, where do we go from here?"

Ranma looked down at the woman snuggled close to his side.

If someone had seen them, sitting on the porch by the pond with not enough space between them for a sheet of paper to pass through, maybe that onlooker might have imagined the presence of only one single person. And that wouldn't have been too far from the truth in the couple's opinion. There was no such thing as being too close when it came to these two.

But even Ranma would have to agree that this hadn't been the question his wife asked.

"I don't know," he admitted in all honesty. "It's kind of strange, not having an inkling of what's gonna happen next. But well, I guess from here on out it's all up to us."

Akane raised her head from where it had rested on his shoulder and gave him a knowing smile. Then she turned her gaze in the house's direction from where the voices of their combined families and friends wafted over.

"Not just us, obviously," she corrected him. "We're not alone in this."

Like his wife's, Ranma's gaze turned towards the house and the noise that came from there. He had a pensive expression on his face, quite unusual considering his everyday character. Though lately, this very expression had showed up more regularly. Blame it on becoming a father and husband if you will.

"Yeah, I know," he agreed quietly. "And don't think I'm ungrateful. I love them all to pieces. Especially our kids. It's just..."

Akane turned her head back to look at him. She found that a pair of impossibly blue eyes stared right back at her, filled to the brim with overwhelming emotions.

"It's just..?" she urged him to finish that sentence as Goosebumps started to form on her skin. A feeling of premonition as to the reason of his hesitation came over her.

"If I'd ever be forced to choose between all we have and... well… you..." he lowered his head to lean it against hers, tightening the hold on his wife as he felt her shivering. "I could always only ever choose you. Ya know? Even if it's either that or the end of the wo..."

His explanation got shot down as Akane's fist rapped him on the head.

"Don't jinx it, idiot," she scolded him. "These things happen even without written invitation, you know?"

But her fist quickly unfolded into a gentle hand again that pulled him closer with a firm hold on the back of his head.

"And just so you know," she whispered to him in a voice that had somehow turned quite throaty. "I feel the same way."

Then their lips where too close for talking and they ascertained their feelings in another way they had become quite comfortable with.

Half an eternity later (*), when they drew apart to catch their breath, Akane repeated her original question. The one that hadn't been answered to her satisfaction yet.

"So, once more from the top. Where do we go from here?"

Her lover and husband and ultimately her second half smiled at her. One of his better smiles. One of those crooked ones that always managed to instil in her the firm belief that everything could and would be alright. Somehow.

"Don't know," he told her. "Don't care. As long as ya with me I'm fine with anything."

Akane found herself chuckling against her will.

"Still not much of a planner, are you?" she teased him gently.

"What's the use?" Ranma replied casually. "Ya do know how my plans usually work out, right? Guess I'm more of an 'In the moment' kinda guy after all."

Akane smiled at that. Or rather smirked. With her head slightly crooked and her arms snaking up to fall left and right over Ranma's shoulders she kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Sounds exactly like my kind of guy," she simply concluded.

Sure, it was a bit scary to be caught up in a love like that.

Gambling your life on another one's existence.

Losing all measure and reason when it came to that single entity.

But Akane's and Ranma's feelings were something way beyond their control.

And quite honestly, love _and_ control?

How is that supposed to work anyway?

It's love, right?

It's supposed to be sometimes scary and chaotic and larger than life.

And.. well… ya know…

Fun too.

(* This is from a subjective standpoint. Scientifically speaking there is no half of something infinite. This includes my own stupidity. Kudos, Mr. Einstein...)

...

Somewhere on the fringes of the Hida Mountains there is a place where you shouldn't wander about in the dead of the night.

Those who did, against their better judgement and the warnings of the locals, came all hurrying back to the safety of civilization, spooked and scared.

As they start calming down they all tell weird tales about the spectre of a small child wandering between the boulders of a certain ravine.

On moonlit nights it wails and cries in helpless rage.

_Panties_! They hear it cry. _Panties_!

But they probably just misheard.

In their panic and their hurry to get out of that place.

Because... panties?

What kind of murderous spectre cries for something like that?

Now seriously...

…

End Epilogue

End Square ½

…

Authors note:

Dear reader,

As you have read this far it presume you either happen to be a glutton for punishment or you somehow managed to wring some amusement out of this story. I sure hope for the later but you never know with people on the net. There's supposed to be some really weird folks out there.

In case you appreciate this work feel free to leave a review. Not for me but for Kirsten, my girlfriend of twenty-five years. She had the arduous task of proofreading this drivel and remove all of these strange red and blue marks underlining many of the phrases in my word processor. Did I already mention someone being a glutton for punishment? That's got to be her. YOU try bearing my whims for a quarter of a century and still happily do stuff like this. So please make sure to let her know that it was not her efforts that botched up this story.

It was the other guy's… (:-P)

Until next time,

R. Martin


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